life through my eyes

Travelling

2010-09-13T20:33:00.002-03:00

I often find myself sitting in front of the computer, rifling through trip packages and flight sales. A huge part of who I am is wanting to see the world. I figured out that it would be a smart idea to start saving for a trip for two years time. I suggested it to my boyfriend. He paused, staring at the television. I looked at him, "...or do you not want to go?" He was hesitant to respond, which is an evident "no". I looked at him and said, "I am going regardless."

It's sort of a bummer that I'm in a relationship with someone who isn't as passionate about traveling as I am. It would be so fantastic to be able to share those experiences with somebody whom I love, but at the same time - maybe it's not such a bad thing to do those things by myself. It's not just about discovering the world - it's much about discovering myself.

Once you travel anywhere out of where you've lived your whole life, it's a huge wake up call. I recognize that not all people will be able to gain this opportunity and won't thrive to experience the cultures of the world the way that I do. I can't force my boyfriend to travel with me. Maybe he'd much rather spend his money on tangible things. This is how we differ. I would much rather spend my money on experiences and memories to last a lifetime. I don't want to be on my deathbed looking back on my life, regretting not seeing what is out there in the world. And let me tell you, it's a lot!

All over Facebook, I see friends posting albums full of photographs of themselves tanning on beaches down South. This is not the kind of experience I'm talking about. I'm not saying anything bad about people that do that - I'm just saying, I think that vacating to a resort isn't the route to go if you want to experience the many worldly cultures. When you are on a resort like that, you're completely cut off in isolation from the actual place that you're visiting. You don't get a real sense of that place in the least.

Now, my kind of vacation is packing everything I need in a backpack and adventuring through parts of Europe (for example) - experiencing the different cultures that it has to offer. I don't seek a five-star hotel with all-inclusive treats; I'd much rather a hostel filled with other young travellers from all over the world seeking adventure the same way I do - filled with energy, accents, different languages and new friends to make connections with all over the world. Now, that's my kind of vacation!

That's so "gay".

2010-08-31T22:14:00.004-03:00

"That's so gay."

GAY IS NOT A SYNONYM FOR SHITTY OR STUPID. If you want to associate something as being stupid or shitty, USE THOSE WORDS - NOT the word "gay".

I'm infuriated with how the word "gay" is used today. "Gay" is absolutely NOT a synonym for stupid. People in today's society have become completely numb to this saying and maybe don't realize it. They let it leave their lips without thinking of the harm built up behind it. When you say that something is "gay", referencing that something is bad - you're inevitably saying that GAY is bad. You're using it as an insult. And when you let that three letter word slip from your lips in that manner, you're throwing homosexuality into a bad or negative category.

Homosexuality is NOT something to be ashamed of. Today, it is an extremely normal and acceptable way of life. It's time that "gay" as a synonym for "stupid" is swiped from everybody's vocabulary. It's time people STOP associating homosexuality as a negative connotation.

I'm not gay, however, I completely accept anyone's decision when it comes to love and whom they're sexually attracted to and who they fall in love with. I believe homosexuality falls under the category of nature, not nurture, and you can't help who you fall in love with and who you're attracted to.

I 100% believe in gay rights and the right to love/marry whomever - male or female - no matter what your sex is.

I still see guys that I graduated with, chatting over Facebook, calling each other "faggots". I've never in my life let that word slip from my lips and never would I let it. It's a homophobic slur against homosexual males. Generally meant as a joke, people don't realize the meaning and impact of their words. Words like "gay" and "faggot" are used WAY too casually. It's time to grow up and knock it off, people.

Gay, lesbian and bisexual teens are up to 4 times more likely to attempt suicide. The number one contributing factor is the feeling of not being accepted. Out of many causes of feeling this way, the abuse of derogatory terms such as "that's so gay" is top ranked.

Seriously folks. Knock it off.

Figuring things out

2010-08-21T15:06:00.002-03:00

It's been three weeks since I left Toronto. I feel like when I left Toronto, I left a huge part of me there. My summer there was the most eye-opening experience I've ever had and it truly made me re-evaluate myself. For the first time in my life thus far, I felt like I truly belonged and I felt like I knew what I wanted in my life. The thirteen weeks I was there, I completely reinvented myself and changed, in my opinion, for the better.

The biggest struggle I'm dealing with since moving back, is the loss I feel. I feel like everything I had finally pieced together has fallen apart... and the puzzle pieces I need are back in Toronto. I feel like I've hit a wall and I'm not really sure how to bulldoze it over. Doing my Bachelor of Education is what I wanted, right? Then why do I feel like being here and doing it is a huge step backwards? I need to figure out a way to feel like myself again... the new me...

I miss feeling free, walking through the busy streets with unfamiliar faces. I miss doings things that I've never gotten to do before with people who I never thought I'd be friends with. I miss sailing through Lake Ontario, feeling the rush of the cold breeze hit my face. I miss getting lost on the Toronto Islands, way past the closing time of the ferries, and feeling scared yet completely excited at the possibility of being stranded there. I miss going to Madison's and getting trashed with my best friends... and having to wait for someone who forget their ID - even though I reminded everyone to make sure they had it.

Maybe it's the friends I miss more than Toronto itself. Maybe it was them who helped me realize myself. It was witnessing their care-free attitude and ambition that made me crave to feel like way they do about life. My friends do see me as having ambition and a care-free attitude, but this past summer was the first time I saw myself that way.

I'm remembering the fear I felt when I first got on the airplane - the fear I felt when I had the whole summer ahead of me. I was terrified that I wouldn't meet friends, that it would be a treacherous experience and the worst summer of my life. That was the best part... realizing how oblivious I was to how amazing the risk I was taking would turn out to be.

I think, I need to realize this about my life ahead of me. It's unknown - just like my summer was. Maybe I just have to let it fall into place... and it will be amazing.

Wake up call

2010-08-03T20:32:00.003-03:00

Most people, anxious to move from their parents' humble abode and into their own complex, are completely oblivious to the complexities of it all. Think of your life right now if you're still living at home. Your fridge is always full. You can just go grab whatever you want whenever you want. You don't have to worry about having to go get groceries or being able to afford them. You can use the telephone whenever you want - not having to worry about running up the phone bill. You probably leave the bathroom light on without thinking. You probably don't worry about turning off the television when you leave to go eat. I imagine that you just crank up the heat when you're cold in the winter time.

All of these luxuries (yes, trust me... they are luxeries) will fade when you're on your own. One day, it's like the carpet will be yanked from underneath you and you'll see how quickly the scenery changes on the fall down.

You'll have to balance the cost of tuition, books, rent, electricity, phone, cable, internet, and groceries. Note other luxuries not listed above (alcohol, shopping money, money for things like shampoo and toilet paper). You may think it will be a breeze and that you're up for the challenge... but boy, oh boy, you are in for a treat! Perhaps your parents still plan on paying for everything while you're living on your own - but that won't last.

You will quickly develop OCD, making sure all of the lights are turned off (even when you leave the room for a second). You will resort to a sweater (or two or three sweaters) in the wintertime instead of turning up the heat. You will probably even resort to lighting candles for warmth (or at least you should.) As great as living on your own is, it still sucks. Responsibility sure seems like a luxury from the outside, but on the inside it's just a ball of stress that vomits all over you every month when you receive your multiple bills.

Once upon a time, your cell phone was equipped with voice mail, caller ID, unlimited texting and web browsing. As soon as you acknowledge your lack of money, you'll be downgrading your cell phone plan so you can have the extra forty dollars a month to buy food.

Advice? Keep track of it all. There's nothing worse than getting paid and then wondering where the hell all of your earnings went. Buy a notebook and keep track of how your money is divided and how much goes towards what. You will learn to budget and you will also learn how to fight the temptation to buy the new leather boots in the store window when you realize you'd rather not starve. Before you buy something, ask yourself... "Do I need this? Or do I just want it?" There's nothing wrong with treating yourself to a meal out or a night of social drinking every once and a while. But there's a huge problem if you're going out boozing every weekend and you're getting harassed by your landlord to pay the remainder of your apartment rent.

Keep your priorities straight folks! And remember to budget!

Happy living!

A precious memory

2010-08-03T20:00:00.004-03:00

Leaving Toronto was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I was in my room, listening to music, when my Irish friends piled into my doorway. Tears clogged my eyes when they handed me over an Irish flag penned up with messages that they each had written out to me. It warmed my heart to see that my friendship meant a lot to them and that they were going to miss me.

This summer was one of the best summers I've ever had and I'm so glad that I decided to go. Saying goodbye to each of my friends from all over the world was harder than I could've imagined. It's seldom that many people can say they spent their summer becoming friends with people from France, Ireland, America, England, Holland and Austria. We were a close-knit group who loved spending time together. So, as devestated as I was that I couldn't go to camp this summer... I'm doubtful that I would've had a better time there. For years, my summers at camp were as good as it got - I couldn't imagine anything better... until now. I'm not sure if I'll ever have a summer as memorable as my summer of 2010.

I thought a part of me would be happy to fly back to Cape Breton. I thought for sure that I would feel right at home driving through the streets of my hometown, right by the ocean. But all I can think of is how much I miss the glowing city of Toronto at night time... and all of my friends that I left behind there. The saddest part of it all is that I know if ever I return to Toronto, it would never be the same. The huge part of why my summer was so unbelievable was because of the people whom I met and spent time with.

So, when I was leaving Toronto... I recognized that it would probably be the last time I would ever have a summer like this. I recognized that a lot of these friends that I've made, I'll probably never see again. It's terribly sad to recognize that my summer of 2010 is just a precious memory that only exists in my mind. It's a memory I'll forever long to escape back into...

Jersey Boys

2010-07-28T18:14:00.002-03:00

When I was a child and would see a movie in the cinema that I really loved, I would quickly become obsessed with it. The whole time watching the movie, I would be anxious to hurry up and get home so I could draw pictures of my favourite scenes. I would become obsessed with listening to the soundtrack, learning the lyrics of every song and reciting them even without the help of the background music. I would buy the latest J14 or Bop magazine with pictures of the lead actors and actresses, posting them all over my walls.

This was my personality for a lot of things that I grew passionate about. I haven't experienced this sort of love for something in a long time. Maybe because it's easier to achieve this sort of feeling about something you love when you're a child.

That is... until I saw Toronto's broadway musical number, Jersey Boys. The first time I saw it, I was absolutely blown away. It was brilliant in every way; I hadn't felt this good watching something in a long time. I connected to each of the actors and fell in love with them. I was dancing and singing along to every version of The Four Seasons' songs. I couldn't stop thinking about the show and how great it made me feel; So, I made my boyfriend tag along with me to see it again two months later. I loved it even more the second time. I've downloaded the soundtrack, and every time I hear each song it brings me back to sitting in the broadway theatre and feeling, again, the feelings that shot through my whole body. It's a healthy obsession, really.

If ever I'm in a bad mood, I just have to listen to the songs and I'm instantly dancing. I contacted Jeff Madden, the actor who portrayed Franki Valli in the show, and told him I would be ecstatic if I could meet him and the boys, get a few pictures and autographs. It's pretty much exactly equivalent to my 12 year old self meeting the J14 poster boy. I was touched when Jeff responded almost instantly. It's so great when someone so talented and admired is humble and reaches out to their fans.

So, you only have a few more weeks to see Jersey Boys - so if you're in the Toronto area, you absolutely HAVE to see it! I promise you that you won't regret it.

Burst your bubble

2010-07-05T09:06:00.002-03:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day and I found myself walking through High Park, feeling like I was 100km away from the city. The sun's rays were massaging my skin and I breathed in the saturated aroma of assorted flowers and a campfire nearby. I paused in my footsteps and realized I was feeling a bit nostalgic. For the first time since I'd arrived in Toronto, I was missing home. The only thing I was missing was the sound of crashing waves against the shore and the smell of sea salt.

Near the campfire, kids were singing and playing games and then it really dawned on me; it wasn't just home I was missing - it was camp. It's the first summer since I was nine years old that I'm not counting down the days to when I start packing to escape. It's the first summer in three years that I'm not spending my entire summer making bracelets, canoeing, singing campfire songs every night, and working with seven people who quickly become my best friends.

Camp is a memory I'll always escape back into triggered by the smell of sunscreen lotion, campfire, chicken noodle soup, pine trees, sea salt, and that musky smell your clothes get when they've been wet and lying on the floor for awhile.

Camp is a memory I'll always escape back into triggered by the sound of birds chirping much earlier before the sun rises, the laughter and chit-chatter of a crowded cafeteria room, the crick-crackling of a campfire burning, and the summer peeper's singing in the nighttime.

Initially, I thought I was completely comfortable with not going back to camp. I was ready to say goodbye and was confident that my last summer working there would be my last. But now, I find myself wanting to escape back into that place; I'm not just accidentally stumbling upon the smells and sounds, but I'm desperately seeking for them... hungry to tightly hold onto the happy memories that significantly shaped the person that I am.

It's because of camp that helped me realize the importance of holding onto your inner child. I realize life is too short to take seriously all the time and I take no shame in being reluctant to let go of that inner child. My friends here in Toronto laughed and asked if I was a child while I bought a few packages of Hubba Bubba chewing gum. We spent the following few hours roaring in laughter and snapping pictures as we blew bubbles as big as basketballs, watching and hoping that they'll burst all over the others' faces. I constantly tell them that "you're never too old to be a child again". As we grow older, we tend to mature and forget how easy it was to fall into the world of play. I remember the satisfaction I got as I child while I played with my barbie dolls and plush puppies. As we grow up and change, our interests and ideas of "fun" evolve and change. I'm not saying we should all haul out our old trunk of barbie dolls and other such toys, but I'm saying we should learn to embrace our inner child in different ways - in new and adaptive ways.

Do yourself a favour and go buy an outrageous flavour of Hubba Bubba bubble gum and chew away. They've changed the gum since we've been kids, you know?

Get Ready

2010-06-30T19:30:00.003-03:00

I can't believe it's basically July already. All of you high school graduates must be excited to soon start the next chapter of your life! When I was in your shoes, I had the next ten years of my life planned and I was confident that I knew exactly how everything was going to play out. If you would've told me then that I would be in Toronto doing an artist residency now, I would've laughed really hard.

I think it's important when you're young to have many dreams and aspirations. You shouldn't be so close minded to options like I once was. I think when we're younger, we're a little stubborn and oblivious to the fact that what we want in life will change as the years go by because we, ourselves, inevitably change.

Four years ago, just after graduating from Glace Bay High School, I was in a relationship with a guy I had been dating throughout high school. I would've bet my life on us being together for the rest of our lives. He was my first love and it was evident that I didn't have a life outside of him... I was perfectly content with that. We were so in love that anything outside of our relationship didn't matter and I know, without a doubt, that I never would've gone anywhere without his side (including an artist residency in Toronto). We went to university together and our plan was to finish school, become teachers, get married, move to Antigonish and start a family.

That plan lasted a whole two years post-graduation before university acted as a barricade, tearing us apart. You will change more than you could anticipate in university and it will truly be self revolutionary. My first love and I grew up and grew apart, but it was probably the best thing that ever could've happened (at least this was the case for me, I'm not sure how he turned out because we've never talked since). I was devastated and crushed as all my dreams and plans were dramatically destroyed before my eyes. But it was when the pages of my pre-written book of life were erased that I truly became a writer. I held the pen and was in complete control. For years with my first love, I knew exactly who I was but now that he wasn't in the picture anymore I had to do some major soul searching and self re-evaluating. I had to find out who I was without him. It was during this period that I started doing things I never would've imagined doing if I were still with him - especially traveling (something I couldn't IMAGINE living life without doing now)

So, you're starting to pack up your life in preparation for the big move to university and I'm telling you... to let go of all your plans. I want you to fully embrace the change that you're about to go through and get ready to face dramatic hardships that will really shape who you are. I'm not saying to let go of your dreams and aspirations, I'm telling you to come to the realization that as you change, so will your dreams. So be prepared to be disappointed, but be prepared to learn and grow from those disappointments.

G20 Zoo

2010-06-28T17:18:00.007-03:00

I couldn't believe the chaotic mess that Toronto was the past weekend during the G20 summit. I was on a leisurely stroll through Dundas Square when I accidentally walked into a riot. I actually witnessed the transition from humans to animals as I watched crowds of people throw bricks through store windows and spray paint protests over building walls. I was appalled to see how boisterous and disgusting people were acting. I'd never seen so many police in my life as hundreds lined the streets, equipped with face masks and protective shields. There were police men and women in buses, vans, trucks, bicycles, public transportation and on horses.

It felt like I was in the midst of a war while crowds of people trumped the streets. These streets that I normally walked where I once felt safe, I found myself swallowing lumps of nervousnesses while I kept my arms tucked close to my body. I was tripping over abandoned protest signs, clothes, shoes, garbage, and broken glass. I walked down Yonge Street where every second store's window was smashed. Stores and malls were on lockdown; Their shoppers pressed their hands against the store windows, mouths open in surprise and disgust while they watched the horrific event.

Remember the movie Jumanji? Remember when the animals took over the city and stampeded through the streets destroying everything? That's exactly what it felt like while I walked through the stampede of people.

So, maybe you're questioning my previous statement about witnessing humans transitioning into animals but perhaps this will clear it up if what I've said already hasn't. Above you see an elephant destroying a car, without remorse. And below you see what protestors had done - lit a police car on fire. What normal human beings would do this without remorse? -- only the ones corrupted with the instincts of an animal.

$$$

2010-06-26T16:48:00.003-03:00

I never used to let money (or the lack of money) stress me out, but it seems to be sort of inevitable since I've gotten here in Toronto. It was a lot more difficult to find a job here than I thought it was going to be. I dropped off resumes almost everywhere, but with no luck.

Anytime during the school year that I used my credit card for groceries, or shopping, or whatever, I would just put the money right back onto it once I got paid. But now, it's like I feel guilty with every purchase - even if it's a purchase that is a necessity (food, art supplies).

Every weekend there is always something going on. My friends always want to go out, and I don't want to return back to Nova Scotia regretting not going out with these people whom I may never see again. So, I try to convince myself that this summer in Toronto is a once in a lifetime opportunity and that I should live it up, and not let money be an issue. And when I see things from that perspective, I don't feel so stressed; However, I don't think my parents see that things from that perspective. I think they're more stressed about the money I'm spending than I am --- which drives me to frustration... and more stress. It makes me feel guilty every time I transfer money into my account to buy a baguette sandwich for lunch, even though I convince myself that I have to eat.

So, as much as I love Toronto (and I really really do), it's evident that you need a LOT more money to live here than in Sackville or Cape Breton. I just wish I could win money; I would buy a lottery ticket if I wouldn't feel guilty about spending two dollars on it.

I was hoping that since I'm a lifeguard I could easily pick up some shifts at the U of T swimming pool, but they were over staffed and not looking for any more lifeguards.

I was hoping that I could make some money off of my art, but it's way more difficult to get recognition in a big city than a small town.

Sigh. What I really want more than anything right now is a plate of delicious pasta... but I really don't have the money to spend on it.

Cell Phones

2010-06-22T14:31:00.002-03:00

Did you ever think about how much we're tied up into our cell phones? Instead of passing people on the street and engaging in conversation, we haul out our cell phones desperately needing to look busy to avoid the awkward passing. There are so many times people have almost walked into me, because they refrain from looking up from their hand held device. I admit that I, too, use my cell phone in unnecessary times but after being in a big city and seeing how wrapped up people are in their cell phones, I've made it a habit to leave mine home.

It seems as though people can't go out for dinner, hang out with friends or go for a walk without having their hand on their phone, waiting for it to vibrate. Recently, there was a service shutdown and one of the popular cell phone providers wasn't working. People were going absolutely INSANE without the ability to send texts. This is just absolutely ridiculous! Once upon a time we survived fine without cell phones... and it wasn't a time too long ago. So, I really think people have to calm down.

Challenge yourself to leave your cell phone at home when you go out for a walk, or to an appointment. It will force you to do other things during the times that you would normally take your phone out of your pocket and update your Facebook status.

It would drive me crazy when I would text me boyfriend when he was out with the guys and he wouldn't text me back. Cell phones have helped a lot and have become an important way to communicate in relationships. It would drive me even crazier when my boyfriend and I were out for dinner, and he would be texting his guy friends. So, as great and convenient as cell phones are, I think we have to learn to become less attached to them. There is a time and a place for cell phones, and I think we abuse them way too much. We've become so reliant on this technology that it can be, and is, a huge issue.

Once upon a time, when out at the club with my friends - I would constantly be checking my cell phone for texts or missed phone calls. I would become so wrapped up in it, that clearly it was interfering with me having a good time. So, while in Toronto, I've been leaving my cell phone at home and having a far more enjoyable time out with friends. What I think is even more nauseating is seeing children and young teenagers with cell phones. I, as well as everyone else in the world, survived just fine without having one when growing up... and I think it's ridiculous when young people have cell phones. They're way too out of touch with the world around them - and it's a disastrous thing. Whenever I have children, I will never allow them to have cell phones until they reach an appropriate age.

Leave your phone at home. Or tuck it away in a pocket where you won't be tempted to check it every minute.

I.L.TO

2010-06-19T19:39:00.001-03:00

Never in my life, have I been so completely happy and satisfied. I feel as though this move to Toronto has helped me realize so much about myself. It has helped me redefine everything I've ever believed in. It has helped me challenge myself in ways I'd been long avoiding, but forever needing. I've only been here for 49 days, but I feel like I've finally changed the way I've been craving and needing to change. I feel like I've finally changed the way everybody hungers to change.

My mother often tells me a story about myself when I was younger. My cousin had always had difficulty in school and didn't do as well as I knew she could on tests. In grade four, I spent the whole day before our test helping my cousin study. I worked so hard on helping her memorize the material; I got so caught up in helping her study that I hadn't studied for myself. After she left my house, I was completely stressed and upset, worried that I didn't know the material for the test. My mother often uses this story as an example with how I'm always putting people before myself. She tells me it's my nature - and that, inevitably, I've always worried about other people and have always gone above and beyond to help others.

When I first got to Toronto, I went to a psychic. The very first thing she said to me was, "You always put other people first. You have to stop doing that. You have to put yourself first, and think about what you want and need. Everything else will fall into place."

The move to Toronto has, for the first time in my life, made me think of myself and what I want/need. Maybe that's why I feel so fulfilled and so satisfied. Everyday, before being in Toronto, I always felt the same anxiety and stress that I felt after my cousin left my house that day I helped her study. Now, that huge weight of stress has been lifted off my chest... and I just feel relieved. Now, I do the things I do and make the decisions I make because I want to... and for no other reason but for myself.

There were many reasons why I didn't want to go to Toronto in the first place. I was thinking about all of my friends and how much I'd miss them, I was worried about my relationship with my boyfriend, and I was thinking about my sister and her pregnancy. After plunging through the thoughts of everyone else, I settled on the thoughts of myself and realize that I needed to make this move. I think it's important for everyone to make a move like this in their life. Don't ever settle for the ordinary. It's better to regret what you've done rather than what you haven't. Life is way too short to stay in your comfort zone. Remember that you're creating your own autobiography. Don't write a crappy book... create a masterpiece. Don't create something just mediocre. You hold the pen... no one else.

Letters to a Young Artist

2010-06-16T22:24:00.003-03:00

One of my favourite books is Letters to a Young Artist by Julia Cameron. I've read it a few times, but it's comparable to a favourite movie... one you can watch over and over again. Every time you flip through the familiar pages, you gain a little bit more out of it than the last time you read it. Like your favourite movie, there are quotes and jokes you didn't quite comprehend but watch it again in a few years, and they become much more clearer and you're better able to appreciate them. That's exactly how I feel about this book.

Have you ever stumbled across a quote that when as soon as you read it, it was as if you took a huge breath of fresh air? Finding quotes that relate to you can be self revolutionary and motivational. This book, for me, is filled with them. If you're into any sort of creative arts (writing, visual arts, etc.) then I suggest this book become a part of your library. But it's still a great read even if you're not creative or artistic. Many of its quotes can metaphorically relate to life in many many ways. Julia Cameron states a Picasso quote that "we are all born children" and that "the trick is remaining one." She says that children don't worry about masterpieces when they are playing. We, as artists, only want to make good art - masterpieces, but bad art is better than creating no art at all. We have to stop thinking and talking about making art and DO IT. The quote Cameron says is "art is not about thinking something up. It is the opposite -- getting something down." She elaborates a lot on this, which helped me sort of break away from my theory of "well, I'm not FEELING motivated! I don't want to make art today... so I won't! There. It's rationalized." Bullshit!

"As you move towards a dream, the dream move towards you". This is such a great quote to keep in your mind because, when you think about it, it's so true. How will you ever reach your goals if you sit back, wondering how you're going to reach them? You have to move and work, and eventually your efforts will be rewarded and your goals will be in reach.

Everything is falling into place for me

2010-06-16T14:41:00.003-03:00

Toronto is amazing. I can't believe, for a second, that I had doubts about coming here. This was absolutely 100% the best decision I could ever make. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm where I should be.

I feel like for the first time in my life, I really know who I am. As soon as I got here, everything sort of fell into place and I've never felt so great about myself. Toronto is so rich in art and culture and there's so much to get involved in. I was chosen to represent the Toronto School of Art in the annual Riverdale Art Walk and I sold the painting that I had submitted to exhibit. My creativity has flourished and, because I'm constantly being exposed to art and culture, I'm constantly motivated. I realize that making bad art is better than making no art at all; so, I'm constantly creating something.

(one of my recent portraits)

My independence was something I was slowly beginning to lose a grasp of over the years, but being here in Toronto has really helped me redefine who I am. I know now, without a doubt, that there is so much more out there for me. I'm so motivated to go as far as I can go to reach my dreams.

I realize that, to be in Toronto, you have to have money to live. There is so much going on all the time and so much to do, but everything costs money. I've been living life as a starving artist for the past month and a half and I realize that talent doesn't put food on the table. Even though I don't have a job (trust me, I've been looking), I'm smitten as a kitten. I got accepted into Mount Saint Vincent University for the Bachelor of Education Secondary Program which means in two years time, I'll be a high school art teacher. My family isn't exactly ecstatic about the idea because they see so much more for me and my talent.

However, I don't feel like it's the end of the road for me; I feel like it's the beginning. Having a BEd is something I can fall back on. Like I said, I realize that talent doesn't put food on the table. I have every intention on going to Europe when I'm finished at MSVU - and it's not an unattainable goal. I don't want to live life envying other peoples'.

I'm staying in a University of Toronto residence surrounded by people from all over the world. These people have become some of the best friends I'll ever have. The memories I'm making with these friends are memories that I'll keep with me for the rest of my life. It's such an unbelievable opportunity to be living with people from literally all over the world. My friends are from Holland, Ireland, France, England and Austria. It's great that we're all making connections from everywhere so if we ever want to travel, we can always stay with each other.

Alcohol vs. Life

2010-04-26T18:38:00.003-03:00

I strive for so much more than what I see around me.

A big part of why I dislike Cape Breton is because of peoples' statuses on Facebook. They're constantly bragging about how drunk they're going to get, how drunk they are or how hungover they're going to be. It's noon, and people feel the need to brag about them being "2 beer deep".

I'm not saying drinking doesn't exist everywhere - especially with this generation - but it's particularly prominent in Cape Breton. It nauseates me how obsessed people are with the fact they go out, get sloshed and hit up The Main Event at least twice a week. 90% (Note: this isn't an actual statistic - just a guesstimated hypothesis) of what goes on on Facebook (from the perspective of my own profile, and looking at my News Feed) involves people posting pictures of them doing shots, beer in hands, drunk times at bars, drunken status updates or wall posts about being drunk.

I'm not saying I don't enjoy going out and having a drink with friends. But I know for certain I'm over that "drink to get drunk phase" while the problem with a lot of people is that they feel the need to bask in this phase for years. When you're my age or older and you look forward to getting drunk at least two times a week - there's a problem.

I've moved from Sackville back home to Cape Breton and have been here for about two weeks. I completely understand the motivation people have to go and get drunk because "there's not much to do". However, there is SO much to do. The only problem I have is finding people to do it with. There are so many hiking trails along waterfalls and through beautiful forests that I'd love to explore.

Another thing... these people who drink at least twice a week - do they ever think about the money being spent on liqueur and going out? You can easily spend over a hundred dollars a weekend spent on cover fees, alcohol & mix, cabs and drinks/shots at the bar. Do these people who drink at least twice a week ever think about not going out for a month, banking the money they would have thrown away and saving up for something like a trip?

I strive for so much more than what I see around me. I want to see the world... I just wish I didn't have to do it alone.

Women's Rights.

2010-03-29T20:43:00.002-03:00

Q: Why does every man need a woman?

A: Because the dishes would get piled up without one.

Q: Why don't women wear watches?

A: There's a clock on the stove.

Q: Why do women have short feet?

A: So they can stand closer to the stove.

If it's one thing that infuriates me, it's these sexist jokes. In no way AT ALL are these jokes the least bit funny. I can't count how many times I've uncomfortably sat, fuming inside, amongst a group of guys roaring over these jokes. I expressed my concern with someone recently who said one of these jokes. He replied, "it's funny." I said, "in no way is it funny at all. It's a serious issue." And he said, "it has nothing to do with you." I replied, "it has EVERYTHING to do with me."

Most people who tell these jokes are men, and men who are COMPLETELY uneducated on the struggles that women and feminist movements have had to go through. The battle is nowhere near over and gender equality is a serious issue that still exists worldwide.

It's really hurtful when I hear jokes like this... because there's nothing at all funny about them. And the fact that a serious issue has been twisted around into a laugh is absolutely disgusting. Some people may swear at me to lighten up and to learn to take a joke. But the fact of the matter is that these "jokes" shouldn't even be told at all. Why should women be expected to "lighten up" and "take a joke" when it's directed at them?

Women's rights are in no way a laughing matter. End of story.

Toronto

2010-03-28T22:47:00.003-03:00

I had a lengthy discussion with Dan, one of my Fine Arts professors who convinced me 100% that going to Toronto would be the best decision I could make. After weighing the pros and cons I really asked myself, "why wouldn't I go?" Even if I absolutely hate it, it's only thirteen weeks. This could be a life changing experience. This opportunity could open up doors for me. Dan said if I decided not to go, it could be a decision I'd come to regret. I don't want to look back on my life wondering, "what if?"

I told Dan I was stressed about the cost of the program, the cost of rent, finding a place to live, total cost to live there, cost of food, cost of art materials, etc. He looked at me, smiled and said, "All you have to do is make the decision to go; Once you make that decision, everything else will work itself out."

I think that's the best advice I've ever heard. Think about it. All you have to do is make the decision... and everything else will indeed fall into place. So, the stress has been released and the excitement is kicking in.

I booked my flight. I fly to Toronto on May 1st, stay in a hostel the night of the 1st and 2nd (because the residence I'm staying in doesn't open until the 3rd) and then I'll be renting a room from the University of Toronto residence for three months.

I've never been to Toronto so I'm definitely going to make a "While in Toronto" bucket list to tackle for the thirteen weeks I'm there. I am a little bummed to miss graduation - mostly because I was looking forward to spending the last weekend with my BFA friends before we part ways. However, the unofficial opening of the BFA grad art exhibition is in April (which I had initially planned on skipping to move home) but since I'm missing convocation weekend, I think I just might have to stay.

So, I'm off... to go google things I can do in Toronto.

Take care until next time!

I am a feminist.

2010-03-24T23:50:00.002-03:00

The correspondence course I took this semester was Canadian Studies 3301: Canadian Women: Critical Perspectives. This course was one of the best and most memorable courses I've ever taken.

This course was a real eye opener to me. Prior to taking this course, I, along with many other women my age, shrugged my shoulders at the thought of "feminism". I figured it was a term that was slowly diminishing and a term that didn't hold, at all, as much significance as it did in the past. I was basically already convinced that we had "won the war".
Reading the course text, Open Boundaries, was self-revolutionary as it made me see my life and the world around me from a completely different perspective. It made me realize how much of a feminist I really am and how proud of myself I am now that I finally realized it. Hearing the perspectives of the women authors made me respect the issues that women have had to deal with in the past. It made me appreciate the little things that I take for granted.

I'd never really taken an interest in provincial or government elections before. I've been able to vote legally now for five years, yet I've never ever participated in the act of voting. I rationalized this decision with the fact that I know very little about this topic and I didn't feel comfortable voting when I'm not fully educated on the subject; However, I hadn't taken into consideration until now the fact that, once upon a time, it was only men that held the power to vote. The choice to vote is something I should appreciate and take advantage of. Now, I want to take interest in elections, educate myself, and voice my own opinion.

There were many thoughts that ran through my head the past few months while reading the chapters in Open Boundaries. I'm very much a romantic person, very in love with love. Yet, I'm completely independent. I'm a regular girl with the dream to fall in love, get married, and have a family; however, this dream won't interfere with my dream of being an independent traveling artist. I was thinking a lot about marriage and the act of women changing their surnames to match their husband's. I remember, when I was younger, being completely appalled when I recognized that a woman didn't take her husband's last name. I remember being confused and not able to understand why a woman would keep her own last name. This course made me reflect back on these thoughts and see the situation from a new perspective. I asked my partner if he'd be offended if, when married, I decided to keep my maiden name as my surname. He said he hadn't thought about it but he concluded he wouldn't be happy about the idea. Why are women just assumed to adopt her husband's last name? Why aren't the roles reversed? Why should names by changed at all? Why is the traditional act of "the name change" so vital to marriage? Why would my partner be bothered if I chose to keep my own surname when the most important thing about marriage is celebrating the love between two people?

There are a lot of questions this course made me ask myself. Some questions have been answered easily and some answers I will have to come to understand and learn in time. I'm glad I've come to understand the importance of feminism in the past, and the importance and need of feminism presently and in the future. I recognize now that the gender gap still exists and women are still striving to achieve gender equality. Society, the world, and everyone in it will continue to evolve; therefore, new barriers will be formed. Challenges will continue to be faced as new ones reborn according to the dictates of the changing society. Gender equality is an ongoing struggle that will continue to be brought to justice. It's a long and tedious process but persistence will pay off in the end. Just look at how far we've evolved from the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.

I'm happy to title myself a feminist and I appreciate the battle that women have had to fight in the past to allow me to have the privileges I do now. I, too, will strive to make gender equality an attainable goal.

Well...

2010-03-22T14:54:00.003-03:00

Two days ago...

Nope. No news yet on what I'm doing next year. The longer I wait, the more I lose my motivation to do everything else. There are three weeks left. Three weeks. Three weeks until I'm completely finished my degree. Three weeks until I have to pack up all of my junk and move back home. That means I'm going to have to start packing PRIOR to that third week mark. I'd love to know exactly where I'm going while I'm packing... or before I start packing.

This is unbelievably stressful; I've been avoiding blogging because all I can seem to write (and think) about is the frustration that's burrowing inside of me.

Earlier today...

I called NSCAD, asking them when I would hear back from them. I was told they were currently rifling through the numbers of applications and I would hear back from them in three weeks. I hung up the phone, stressed when I realized that this is only the first process. They're not basing their initial decision on my artwork - only the sheet of paper I filled out. Only after that step do they ask for portfolios and review them. This basically means I'd have to wait an additional Lord knows HOW long before I find out whether or not I actually get into the program I applied to.

Later today...

I got an e-mail from the Toronto School of Art telling me I'm one of the six people accepted into their independent studio summer residency program. They said the program starts May 3rd and runs until July 30th. This would mean I'd miss my graduation... what I've been working towards for the past four years. They told me I'd have to let them know what I decide by April 16th. That's essentially three weeks... three weeks. I have to let them know if I want to go in three weeks... probably before I hear anything from NSCAD.

Currently...

So, I've heard back from one of the three schools but my stress level hasn't decreased any. I'm desperately trying to weigh the pros and cons. If I go to Toronto, I'll be back in time to go to NSCAD if I do get accepted; however, if I do go to Toronto... I have very short time to find a place to live for three months while I'm there. The tuition is $2,500. This obviously doesn't include the cost of rent for three months (which will probably be an additional $1,500) plus the cost of food, etc. This would be an amazing opportunity for me to work in a creative space with five other artists hungry to strengthen their artistic abilities. I've never been to the city, so this would be extremely overwhelming... but exciting? I'd actually be living life as a starving artist.

Oh! I don't know what to do! The thought of missing my graduation makes me sad. What would you do if you were in my situation?

Maybe my next entry will be the pros vs. the cons. Sigh.

embrace

2010-03-09T13:56:00.004-04:00

The grad banquet is Thursday and I'm pretty excited. I hadn't planned on going at first but I realized I only have a month left as a Mount Allison student and I should soak every bit of it up that I can. That means participating in the grad events that will be happening so I can surround myself with the faces that have become so familiar to me over the course of four years... faces that will diminish in time.

My mother always initiates conversation about my university experience and asks whether or not I'm going to miss it here. I respond honestly and bluntly, "nope." It's not that I, in any way, regret my decision to come here. It was the first gutsy and adventurous thing I did. My four years at MTA have shaped me into the most independent person I can be. The easy choice would've been choosing a university closer to home, but I desperately wanted to escape that easy route. I wanted to choose the route that was the least likely route I would take. My four years at MTA have strengthened my artistic mind, soul, and talent in more ways than I ever could've predicted.

My first year was extremely exciting and overwhelming. That glam wore off near the end of the second year. Not that I didn't love Mount Allison as much as I did when I first came here... it just turned into something not as exotic. It just become normal. Predictable. Plain. School. Work. Stress. Routine. Yes, routine is definitely the proper term I was looking for.

I'm desperate now to break away from that routine and seek a new adventure... an adventure I've been longing for since the mid-way point of my degree journey. So... no, Mum, I will not miss the predictable. I will not miss the plain. Or school. Or work. Or stress. Or the routine. But I will miss that independent exotic adventure that Mount Allison was. And Mount Allison was. My Mount Allison experience was everything I could've ever expected and imagined it to be. And I will miss the friends I've made along the way who helped shape me into the artist and person I am.

The last two years have been that escalation to the top of the roller coaster. I'm sitting in that cart now. I'm waiting at the top - inching slowly closer towards to edge. I'm anxiously waiting. I'm biting my fingernails and tapping my foot. I'm waiting for that push and the thrill of the adventure... for when I feel the wind press against my face as I throw my hands up in the air, embracing the thrilling drop of that roller coaster.

The climb to the top has been a struggle. But I'm ready to let go of the rail now. I'm ready to be pushed. I'm ready to throw my hands up into the air and let out a scream. I'm ready to be whipped around and knocked off my feet. I'm ready for a new adventure.

snail mail

2010-03-02T22:17:00.003-04:00

When I was little, I would anxiously wait for my father to check the mail. I'd scurry over to the table as he'd throw down a handful of envelopes and flyers. My eyes would widen and my heartbeat would quicken, soaked up in the possibility of seeing my name scribbled across an envelope.

There have been a ridiculous amount of benefits with the evolution of technology but one thing I hate is how nobody communicates in letters anymore. I still check my mail, rummaging through envelopes and flyers, hoping to come across an envelope with my name scribbled across the front (something other than a cable, internet, or phone bill).

There's something so personal and precious about a hand written letter. Because everyone communicates in Facebook messages, MSN instant messaging and e-mails, perhaps "snail mail" is even more personal and precious now than ever.

I want to introduce you to a website I was told about. www.sendsomething.net is a website where you put in your mailing address and have people send you random postcards, letters, knick knacks, artwork, and just silly little random things to make you smile. You can browse through many profiles and addresses of people who would love to receive something from you and they'll happily return the favour. This website makes me unbelievably happy knowing that there are people in the world who value the preciousness and simplicity of a handwritten letter. There's something so satisfying and heartwarming knowing that the person you decide to send something to will be delighted to see their name scribbled across an envelope in your handwriting.

So, go register for that website. Maybe I'll come across your profile and send you something in the mail that will make you smile (only if you promise to return the favour!)

How full is your bucket?

2010-02-22T18:39:00.003-04:00

If you had one day left to live, what would you do? Ride a bull? Throw a legendary party for everyone you love? Vegas? Now, if you had your whole life to live, would you lose that drive, or would your list just keep getting longer? It's all in the question: "What do you want to do before you die?"

It's reading week and I'm home (as are a lot of university students). Everyone's break seems to have fallen in the same time frame. Everyone's frantically trying to find plans to fill up their week; however, for me, instead of thinking about my plans for the week, I'm constructing my bucket list of goals I want to achieve before I die.

There's a new TV show that I've been watching on http://www.mtv.ca called The Buried Life which tells the story of four university students from British Columbia. These four friends have constructed a list of 100 things they want to do before they die. They journey across North America trying to accomplish everything on it. The main plot revolves around the question, "What do you want to do before you die?" For every thing they strike off their list, they help a stranger do something that they want to do before they die. It's such a motivational and inspiring show. It's also pretty amusing and hilarious while they attempt to achieve goals such as "party in the PlayBoy mansion" and "go on a date with Megan Fox".

It really got me thinking of things I want to do and there's no reason why I can't cross everything off on my bucket list. I suggested to my boyfriend that we should both come up with 50 goals each and, every year, cross a few off.

Here's what I've cooked up with so far (in no specific order):

Travel to Ireland
Write and publish a book
Become a well established and well known independent visual artist
Sell a painting for a ridiculous amount of money
Go white water rafting
Sky dive
Take up skiing as a hobby
Learn to surf
See Stonehenge
Float in the Dead Sea
Visit the Lascaux Caves
Take salsa or tango dance lessons
Ride in a hot air balloon
Go on a helicopter ride
Go snorkelling somewhere exotic
Go rock climbing
See the Taj Mahal
Climb up the Statue of Liberty
Go camping around the Cabot Trail
Jump from the top of a waterfall
Fly a kite
Learn a magic trick
See a NHL game live
Learn how to sew
Finish learning how to play guitar
Learn different types of origami
Read all of The Chronicles of Narnia
Get a Masters degree in Fine Arts
Go tubing on water
Donate blood
Watch the 250 top movies on IMDB
Learn to drink wine
Get married
Swim with dolphins
See penguins
Revisit my old house
Go on a safari
Ride a camel
Go on a silent retreat
Get a professional massage
Stay in the Hydropolis Underwater Hotel
Scream from the top of a mountain

So, what do you want to do before you die? Start constructing your list. It can be as simple or as complex as you want. Just don't ever think of a goal as being unachievable or farfetched. That's not even a possibility. Every goal is achievable if you put your mind to it.

the uncomfortable abyss of oblivion

2010-02-16T20:43:00.002-04:00

I really can't think of anything but the vast abyss that is laid out in front of me. I hate the fact that it's not even me, standing at the crossroad, forced to make the decision for my future. My future and the decision to travel down either road is in the hands of complete strangers, and I'm not even entirely sure when they're going to make the decision.

While I was standing, staring into the abyss of oblivion, a possibility dawned on me:

What if I don't get accepted anywhere?

That thought had never even occurred to me and the more that thought sinks in, the more nauseous I get. I have to get accepted somewhere or else I'll have to start paying back the copious amount of loans I'd been granted over the past four years. I'm not usually one to wallow in negativity but the realization that it's ultimately not up to me where I go in September is swamping my mind daily.

I have no doubt in the strength of my art portfolio and I'm confident my love for what I do evidently shines through in my artwork; however, I'm just really worried because the competition is tight. I've applied to the Toronto School of Art who accepts about six people for the program I applied to and I've applied to the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design who probably doesn't accept many more than that.

NSCAD would be an ideal choice. Halifax is perfect. My brother and sister live there as well as the vast majority of my friends. I've been to Halifax plenty of times and if I did get accepted into NSCAD, my life and what I want to do is completely laid out for me.

However, if I get accepted into the TSA program there's so much adventure laid out in that option. My life is fairly plain, boring, predictable, comfortable. Lauren Conrad said she wanted to move away from her perfect life to be uncomfortable, and there's something inspiring about this point of view. The more I think about it the more excited I get about the possibility of being in Toronto and the completely different lifestyle I'd be exposed to. Who knows what direction my art would take. It's sort of overwhelming to think about.

If I don't get accepted into any school, maybe I'll just take that leap face first into the abyss of uncomfortable oblivion and move to New York City.

teaching a lesson

2010-02-12T23:07:00.003-04:00

So, I hadn't heard back from Cape Breton University about the Bachelor of Education program that I'd applied to, and I'm not entirely upset about it. Though, I think it is ridiculously rude that they haven't contacted me to let me know that I wasn't accepted into the program. I think if you've paid an application fee (which I did) it should be mandatory for them to put the simplest effort into sending a letter or e-mail stating the outcome of their decision.

I've come to the realization that they don't want art teachers educated to teach specifically fine arts because they can just hire English teachers to do it. That's basically what the majority of high schools do for their art class and is exactly why the art programs suck in high schools (in Cape Breton, anyway). You get teachers not passionate about art - teaching it because they have to - to students who are taking it because they have to, and not because they're genuinely passionate about art. I feel, however, that I could've changed that. I feel that because art is something I'm so passionate about, I could've enthused and motivated students and changed their view on taking it "just because they have to" or taking it "for a bird course".

But apparently that's not going to happen.

Everyone thinks it's a blessing in disguise; they feel like I would be wasting my talent if I went into teaching. For the most part, I believe they're right. Like I've mentioned numerous times before, I feel I'm meant to do something big with my art… and that doesn't involve being cooped up inside a classroom. I tell everyone I'm going to be famous. They laugh. I don't need them to believe in my theories about art, my art, and the world. They don't need to understand my passion for art, my art, and the world. They don't have to believe or understand my drive for wanting to succeed as an independent artist; the only person that has to believe in it is me…

… and I'm not sure I've ever been so sure about something in my life.

Don't ever let anyone get in the way of your passion. If you're passionate about something then someone (and someone important ) will eventually recognize that. Don't let other people discourage you from following your dream, and eventually you'll get there.

www.bethmartinartwork.com

you're only a day away

2010-02-07T22:39:00.006-04:00

Sixty. Soixante. Sesenta. Fifty + ten. Thirty + thirty.

Sixty days is all I have left in Sackville... forever. I happily updated my Facebook status displaying the countdown. I stared at it. The longer I stared at it, the faster the happiness started to diminish and be replaced with sadness... anxiety... fear.

As excited as I am to pack up all of my belongings and start the next chapter of my life, I'm sad to leave behind the school that shaped me into the independent artist and individual that I am. I'm sad to say goodbye to the friends I've made here whom I've shared classes and memories with over the past four years. I'm sad to step outside the comfort zone I've built up... and fearful of what's to come.

I'm thinking back to the beginning of this chapter of my life that began when I graduated high school. I was anxious and scared to move away... and I'm experiencing those same sort of intense feelings now. Mostly because I still have no idea what I want to do next year... or what I want to do with my life for that matter. I wish it was all laid out for me, but I suppose it would be quite boring if you knew what cards were dealt to you in the hand of life.

So, I have sixty days to make memories that will last me a life time. I have sixty days to figure out exactly what my options are for next year and what route I'd like to go. I have sixty days to figure out how exactly I'm going to pay off the copious amount of debt that has been built up over the past four years. I have sixty days to figure out how I'm going to pay for further education. I have sixty days to soak up as much of Sackville as I can. I have sixty days to create an astounding body of artwork that will hopefully set a name for myself.

But for now, all I can really do is take it one day at a time. That's really what life is all about... taking it one day at a time and living for the moment. How terribly sad life would be if all it consisted of was countdowns. It's like being a kid and as soon as school's out for the summer, you start counting down to the last week in August when you go away to your favourite camp. The whole summer is consisted of anxiously tearing off the days of the calendar, making your way closer to the day where you pack your bags for camp. Before you know it, camp has come and gone, summer is over and you're back to school again. You don't know where the summer went.

You don't want your life to be full of countdowns and not living for the moment because before you know it, you're ninety years old and wondering what happened to all the days of your life.

So, let's rewind back to the first number we were ever introduced to... and let's start there.

One. Un. Uno.

One day until tomorrow. Let's live out that one the best way that we can.

all you need is love

2010-02-03T22:44:00.002-04:00

I'd love to be one of those people who doesn't succumb to the cliche that is Valentine's Day. But I'm not. I'm completely infatuated with the idea of a day devoted completely to love. I'm one of those ridiculously sappy people that craves for those unattainable fairytales that seemingly only exist in novels and movies. My friends call me a rare breed and say I "bring faith to the idea that love can be real and exist". Love is something I've always been extremely passionate about. It has always been my drive and motivation for a lot of things.

My mother wants me to be completely independent, and for the most part I am. "You don't have to get married, Beth. You know, you could just live for yourself and live out all of your dreams on your own." I smile and nod when my mother tells me these things, but think to myself, "...but Mum, those dreams aren't worth living to me if I'm not sharing them with someone whom I love." A lot of people are brought up believing in the ideology that they must meet someone, fall in love, and get married. It's rare that you find someone perfectly content on their own... with no intentions at all with finding someone to share their life with eventually. That way of life is so exotic and attractive to me, and is the basis around the facade I sometimes try to paint for myself. I claim independence when I travel to all the places I've traveled. I claim independence when I'm as spontaneous and have a fire for life the way I do. But, for the most part, the only person I'm really trying to fool is myself.

It doesn't take long before the paint starts to crack, and my true romantic and completely dependent self is exposed. It takes a lot of willpower to continually try to resurface that exotic and independent facade. But like I said, the only person I'm really trying to fool is myself. I'm coming to terms with that. My friends and family are completely aware of the fact that I'm in love with love... and I always will be.

So, no, I don't think Valentine's Day is over rated. And sure, I do believe that love should not just be celebrated on one day, but every day of the year; However, sometimes our vision is blurred and I believe a day such as Valentine's Day is there to allow ourselves to refocus and realize the extent of love that we have for that special someone in our lives; and it's about celebrating that love; and celebrating that love with each other.

the inevitability of failed perfection

2010-02-01T15:29:00.006-04:00

Failure.

I was one of those pre-teens and teenagers cursed with severe acne. I never really thought of it as a serious condition until I made my first dermatologist visit in grade eight. She closely studied my face before responding, "Well... this is really bad, isn't it?"

For years, I made countless trips to that same dermatologist office being prescribed numerous ointments and pills. The acne weighed me down and shred my self confidence. Every time I looked in the mirror I'd see the ugly facade that masked me. Every time I met someone knew, or had a crush on a guy... I knew all they'd see was the vast amount of pimples and redness that plastered my skin. It was a painful experience - both physically and mentally. I'm an extremely impatient person and the thought of waiting at least six weeks per treatment to see results frustrated me. I hated how my dermatologist constantly told me, "it has to get worse before it gets better." I hated how my parents constantly regurgitated that same line to me. I hated the routine I fell into - the swallowing of pills at particular times before and after meals, the application of the numerous tubes of ointment that were to be used at specific times of the day. I didn't just have it on my face. It was on my arms and my back. I was prescribed specific ointments to apply to those areas at specific times of the day as well.

Makeup became my best friend. I was obsessed with caking on copious amounts of liquid foundations and powders to cover my face. My dermatologist would scold me when I popped a pimple, telling me it would scar. I didn't care. I had no patience to deal with said pimples, and they were much easier to cover with makeup once they were popped.

In high school, I would make routine visits to the bathroom and my locker before, after and between classes to check my face. Ten minutes at the end of every class was designated to haul out my foundation and mirror to retouch what had come off. No matter how hard I tried, the acne would always beat me down. I couldn't run away from it. I strived for this ideal perfection that I never could really obtain.

My acne is gone now, but I still see that pimpled face teenager when I look in the mirror. I'm cursed with the scars that my dermatologist warned me would appear from popping the pimples. Makeup is still my best friend. I'll spend forever getting ready for the day, applying my makeup; at the end of the day, I'll look in the mirror and see that my makeup has diminished. I'm still striving for that perfection that really is unattainable.

I think we're this way with a lot of things. We all want to pick the apple at the grocery store that isn't bruised... We all strive for this idealized perfection.

When I was a child, I would colour the pages of a colouring book like most children do. When I'd accidentally scribble outside of the lines, I'd get frustrated at myself and tear out the page to start over. How many times do we get frustrated at ourselves and want to wipe the slate clean? A lot.

I was asked by my professor to document a performance piece themed around "failure". Here, I sit at the table... blinding myself. I give myself thirty seconds to colour the page of a colouring book. Once the thirty seconds is up, I tear it out - recognizing (even without looking) that I have failed my goal to stay inside the lines since I'm unable to see. It's essentially an infinite project of striving to reach that goal of perfection... a goal we all strive to achieve throughout our lives... will we ever realize that perfection doesn't actually exist?

Bryan.

2010-01-22T18:32:00.003-04:00

I was fourteen when I met him.

The summer of 2002 was the summer that everyone went to the mall on Saturdays. Saturday afternoons in the mall were spent mingling with friends from various groups and meeting new ones.

He emitted such a positive energy and his smile lit up his whole face. He shook my hand and enthusiastically introduced himself as Bryan. There was something about him that made me long to be his friend. Right away, I was proud to walk through the mall beside him. Him, another friend and I walked through the mall listening to him speak. His voice was so lyrical - probably because he voiced a smile through every spoken word.

"Have you ever had Butter Pecan ice cream?" He looked at me. I shifted from foot to foot trying to avoid his stare. His eyes held such intensity that was enough to make my insides quiver. I shook my head and smiled. We made our way to the grocery store where we purchased a massive tub of Butter Pecan ice cream and a package of disposable spoons. We walked through the mall while Bryan passed out spoons to random friends, inviting them to try a spoonful of his favourite ice cream.

This day was the introduction of a great friendship. I spent almost everyday of that summer spending time with Bryan and his friends. We'd went to camp together that summer. I treasured every moment that I had with him because the moments truly impacted me. He was such a passionate person. Bryan told me that he had cystic fibrosis and was told by his family doctor that he was lucky to live as long as he did. Bryan had a twin brother, Brendan, who passed away at the age of five with CF. Bryan saw every day that he woke up as a gift and lived it to the fullest. He touched everyone who knew him in a tremendous way. He loved life, he loved his life, and he loved everyone in his life. He was always greeting people with hugs and smiles. Bryan expressed his feelings on his life, his disease, and his brother through his music. He was in a band called West Avenue, where he played guitar and sang. He was exploding with talent and was passionate about writing and singing his own music.

I remember a time in high school where a complete jackass (you know... those kinds of jackasses that hang out together in high school) was pushing Bryan around. Bry was wearing eyeliner and the jackass was muttering words like, "fag" at him. The jackass hit Bry's hat off of his head, shouting jackass comments at him in regards to the eyeliner. My stomach cringed while I watched, not knowing what to expect. Bryan smiled at him, "Everyone has their own opinions. I respect that." Bryan picked up his hat and walked away. This situation really showed Bryan's amazing character.

Friday. October 10th, 2003.

I was at a school dance when I found out that Bryan passed away. He'd been at the IWK hospital for a few weeks, but our prayers and hopes were high. My insides grew numb when I found out. My knees fell weak and I dropped to the floor. My stomach ached and I clenched my hands into fists by my side. I rocked back and forth, crying. My boyfriend held me and cried. I looked around while the terrible news diffused through the crowd. Tears, shouts... pain.

The following Monday at school was treacherous. Not a soul spoke. The silence held gut wrenching pain. Everyone's faces were expressionless. Nobody knew what to say. It was evident, then, how much Bryan had affected so many people.

Bryan loved his life and lived every minute that he had the very best that he could. I try to always think of Bryan when my life gets tough. He had a rough life and was battling against a disease in which the odds were against him... but it didn't stop him from celebrating life every day. I think it's important not to get caught up and stressed out about things in life when the situation can always be much much worse. I think it's important to celebrate life, rather than get upset about it.

Not only do I aim to celebrate my own life everyday, I aim to celebrate Bryan's.

Check out the Facebook page "Brystock" to learn a little bit more about how Bry's friends and family continue to celebrate his life, while benefitting others.

flux capacitor

2010-01-17T13:15:00.002-04:00

Did you ever think about all the different forks in the road you've encountered throughout your life? Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you'd chosen to go down the alternate path? I often do.

I often imagine going to sleep and waking up in the past, still consumed with the knowledge of the future I had initially chosen. And I often imagine, given the opportunity, if I would choose the same way that I did. You always hear that famous quote regurgitated by friends to "never regret anything in life, because at one time it is exactly what you wanted." But is this really true? How many of us actually believe this? Maybe some of the choices we've made are not what we wanted - but obstacles got in the way, gearing us towards that specific path inevitably. Maybe the vast majority of us choose to faithfully believe in this quote because it's much easier to accept than the fact that maybe the choices we didn't make would've been the better ones. Maybe the vast majority of us choose to faithfully believe in this quote because life would be extremely pitiful if we lived it in the past, constantly wondering, "what if".

Another quote I, myself, used to regurgitate over and over again is that "it's better to regret what you've done rather than what you haven't done." But what if what you haven't done was choosing that other road to venture on? Maybe one of the biggest reasons that we do wallow in our own past (and the choices we could've/should've made) is because we're fearful of the future. We're fearful of the future that is at the end of the path - the path that we chose.

But if we constantly live with regrets of yesterday and worries for tomorrow, then we're losing something extremely important - today. A quote I recently stumbled upon is one by philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard who said, "I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both."

I thought about this quote for awhile before I realized how true it actually is. No matter what decisions you make... no matter what path you choose to walk down... you're always going to wonder what you're life would be like if you had chosen the alternate path.

I recognize that "if only" are two of the saddest words in the world, but it doesn't stop me from wishing I had a DeLorean with a flux capacitor so I could go back in time. Though... we've seen the tangled web Marty McFly ended up in when he did that. However, he did make subtle changes in his life for the better and he did end up with a sweet 4x4 in the end.

smackers

2010-01-13T11:40:00.002-04:00

When we're stressed, upset or frustrated... we tend to reflect back onto more comfortables times when our lives didn't seem so heavy. We seldom deliberately get lost in memories that were painful... that's why it's so easy for people in abusive relationships to continue going back to that abusive partner. When reflecting back on relationships, we choose to be blind to the times when we were upset... because reliving those feelings is uncomfortable. Instead, we remember only the happy times and times that comfort us.

Some people go on forever living in their past - reliving those happy memories because what we know is a lot more comforting than the unknown. We have no idea what our future holds for us and that can be extremely overwhelming. So, even though our past may not have been perfect - it is a lot easier to think about than thinking about the unpredictability of the years to come.

We tend to tie comforting memories to certain objects. When we're feeling upset, it's natural to put on a song that's tied to something or someone special. There's this body wash I used to own... Bonne Bell Smackers Orange Starburst. I've only ever owned one bottle because I've only ever seen it in stores the one time I decided to pick it up. I just spent twenty dollars to order one online... just so I can escape into the delicious scent... and escape into the days when I was the most happy and stress free. Ok, maybe I wasn't completely stress-free (because we repress bad feelings of the past), but this scent definitely relieved a lot of stress.

There's also perfume by Bonne Bell I'm dying to hunt down. It's called "Lucky" and it was from the Emotions scents. It was my absolute favourite scent in the world but they discontinued it when I was in grade six, I think. There is something so innocent about these scents which is why they appeal to me. They remind me of the complete joy and satisfaction I'd get every Saturday going into Walmart and peeking at all the flavours of Bonne Bell Smackers lil balm. I'd scan each and every package... taking in all of the bright colours and delicious sounding titles. Strawberry Cheesecake, Nilla Mint Frost, Berry Jelly Donut, Candy Confetti. I'd buy one just for the sake of buying it. I think the process was way more exciting to me than actually using the lil balm. I had a special box that I'd collect all of my Smackers lil balms in. I'd buy a new one, take it out of the package, and place it with the rest that made up a rainbow of different colours and satisfying smells. Berry Heavenly was my absolute favourite.

I forever long to escape into a time when everything was cured with just the delicious smell Bonne Bell lip balm or body wash.

persistence pays

2010-01-04T20:19:00.002-04:00

I'm back in Sackville now with high hopes that this semester is going to be a breeze. I only have one class on Monday and Wednesday from 8:30-11:30am... and that's it.

Why, you ask?

Well, two of my courses are studio courses which in previous years took up 12 hours in my school week. However, because these courses are independent ones this year, I work independently in my own time. I'm taking my elective course through correspondence, which I also do in my own time. Other than that, according to my audit form that I filled out, I have everything I need to graduate! It feels fantastic! This semester is going to be such a load off and a great way to end my years at Mount Allison.

Makesure you don't leave your audit form to your last year. An audit form is a form specific to your degree and it tells you what courses you need to graduate. So, you check off what ones you have and need. If I hadn't have done it I would've had a full semester... but I'm not doing to dish out money for extra courses when they're not necessary for my BFA. You can print off your audit form on the MTA website.

I've been refreshing my transcript almost every half hour. I'm waiting for one more mark and the anticipation of its final stamped arrival on the website is driving insanity through my veins. As soon as that mark is in, my transcripts will be sent to Cape Breton University and Nova Scotia College of Art and Design. So, ultimately, my acceptance into either of those schools is waiting on this one mark.

I have only three months before I wave goodbye to the place that has shaped me in more ways than I ever could have initially anticipated. I only have three months before I way goodbye to Sackville forever. I'm not looking forward to packing up the last four years... that's for sure. After your first year of university, you just take what you need home for the summer and you end up leaving whatever you won't need (winter clothing, bedding, towels, etc.). So, I've basically been saving up a reckless amount of junk throughout my moves through residences and apartments. My parents have come to terms with the fact we'll have to rent a U-Haul in order to comfortably take everything back to Cape Breton (or Halifax... depending on that acceptance letter I'm anxiously waiting for).

My boyfriend, Liam, told me that if I haven't heard anything by March that I should e-mail whomever I need to in order to irk a response. "The squeaky wheel gets greased"after all. That's a good quote to keep in the back of your mind. It's so true. There are so many times my mother can ignore my continuous yells of her name until she gets sick of my persistence and finally responds, "WHAT!"

So, keep that in mind. If you really want something... (like the attention of your mother) continuously try to get it... and eventually you will.

Persistence does pay off in the end.

Browsing Art

2009-12-22T15:16:00.008-04:00

For an artist, the best inspiration and motivation comes from looking at other artists' work. This is one of the big reasons why creative people love to travel and soak in the creativity that other countries have to offer. After my trip to New York and seeing the vast amount of artwork I did, I was exploding with inspiration and the first thing I wanted to do was hurry home and let it all out in my sketchbook.

There are other ways to be exposed to other artists' work without having to spend hundreds of dollars to travel to another country. There are so many websites designed specifically for artists to exhibit their work and this way you can browse other peoples' artwork as well.

Sometimes I'll spend hours at night browsing these websites. Looking at other artwork will help you cook up ideas for your own. I definitely think every artist should be constantly exposed to other artists. It is why my four years at MTA were as successful as they were. Working in a studio environment with other artists really helped trigger inspiration for my own ideas. Professors constantly encouraged us to get up and look at everyone else's work.

One website that many MTA Fine Arts students participate in is www.feelsgood.ca/ which states it's "for anyone who loves the emerging artwork and underground music scene."

Another website is www.stumbleupon.com/ which I've blogged about before. All you have to do is check off "art" in the category section and you'll be browsing through fantastic artworks/

Here are a few websites that I've bookmarked that you should check out (click on the name to redirect to the website and click on the picture to enlarge):

Claire Morgan Installations

Sam Jinks

Pencil Crayon Sculptures

Won Park Origami

L Filipe dos Santos

Hannah Stouffer

Moolf Street Illusions

I've discovered just these few of many websites on Stumbleupon. If you sign up (for free) you can save which websites are your favorite. It's such a great website to browse art.

Prince of the Dolls.

2009-12-19T17:59:00.003-04:00

We all have certain "things" that remind us of the holidays. Some people say clementines taste like Christmas. Some people may say that ginger bread cookies fresh from the oven smell like Christmas. We've been gathering memories for years associated with this time of the year. There is something that, for me, is Christmas.

The Nutcracker Prince. The cartoon from 1990. I became completed obsessed with this movie and have watched it countless numbers of times. When I was little, I wanted so much to be Clara and to fall in love with The Nutcracker Prince, like her. I had my very own wooden Nutcracker Prince doll that I envisioned coming to life as soon as I fell asleep. I treated him with as much care and love as Clara did.

I remember the Christmas when I was nine years old. All I wanted was ballet slippers - just like the ones Clara unwrapped on Christmas Eve. I was never so excited when I unwrapped them. I ran into my parents' room - waking them up - showing them what Santa had brought me. I slipped my feet into them and danced to The Nutcracker Prince soundtrack. I wore them everywhere; Eventually, through the years, they turned rugged and torn and were much too small for me, but I still tried to squeeze my feet into them. I was terribly sad when my pink ballet slippers were thrown out.

Sometimes, it's hard to get into the Christmas mood for whatever reason. I remember the year my sister couldn't come home for the holidays - it didn't feel like Christmas at all. Sometimes, all you have to do is take a bite of a clementine, smell cookies baking, or watch an old movie to snap you back into the spirit again,

I only wish I had pink ballet slippers to dance in.

Christmas is for Children

2009-12-14T00:46:00.003-04:00

Do you remember when you stopped believing in Santa Claus? Did the magic of Christmas fade a little bit? Christmas Eve was your most favorite memory where you would anxiously lay in bed, hurrying to sleep so you could wake to a tree full of presents; however, the more you thought about it, the farther from sleep you traveled. Did that excitement and anticipation grow dull as you got older?

I don't think it did for me and my family. My sister is 34, my brother is 27, and I am 22 (well, almost). We still go through the same Christmas routine like we did when we were fifteen years younger. My sister and I stay up Christmas Eve, watching Christmas specials that are taped on a video cassette tape. Then we watch The Nutcracker Prince while sipping on hot chocolate. Mum, busily wrapping presents, hands them off to us to Jenga-style stack them under the tree. We write a letter for Santa and leave him a snack. My sister and I have a sleepover in her room where we brush eachother's hair and play card games. We say our prayers and eventually fall into a sleepless dream.

I wake up and go out in the living room to see the tree exploding with presents, the stockings filled and Santa's responding letter. I'm allowed to open one gift... but it has to be from Santa. I do, but not before I grab my stocking and empty its contents on the floor. My sister wakes up and comes out after me. She looks through her stocking and opens up her one gift. We're anxiously waiting for our parents to wake up so we can finish destroying the tree's contents. My brother wakes up and joins us. After three or four trips into Mum's and Dad's room, they finally come out. Dad starts making breakfast. I can smell and hear the sizzle of the bacon from the kitchen as my mother points out "the bow bag", "the wrapping paper bag" and "the tissue bag", instructing us to put the reusable goods in its proper bag.

It's mostly the same today - only slightly different now that my sister is married and has a baby. We've still been writing Santa letters for years, and the gifts still aren't put under the tree until my sister, my brother and me are asleep. We caught Mum once... with a massive garbage bag, emptying presents that were tagged "Love Santa". It was early in the evening and we weren't close to being tired. My brother and I snapped at Mum. She laughed and took the presents back in her room.

We still did the Santa routine, long after the belief of Santa was gone. But that magic is more vivid than ever now that my two and a half year old little nephew will be waking up with us on Christmas morning. It's not even close to Christmas eve but I'm so excited. I feel like I'm six years old again and I can't wait for Santa to come. I'm most looking forward to my nephew's reaction and getting excited with him.

I'm excited because Christmas is when my family and I are together once again - and it's that magic of Santa that makes us all feel like children again. It's that magic of Santa that makes us all feel so close. It's that magic of Santa that makes us forget the stress of the world and makes us believe that nothing else matters but being together.

In a way, we never stopped believing in Santa... and I don't think we ever will.

Lack of Sleep

2009-12-08T02:19:00.003-04:00

It's after two in the morning and I just finished chowing down a bowl of delicious Kraft Dinner. Ah, yes... it's that time of the season for all-nighters, powered by Redbull, consisting of non-stop studying and note-writing (and/or painting).

At the end of every semester, my body is triggered off schedule; I find it almost impossible to sleep comfortably... or at all. I lay in bed, for hours, tossing and turning, thinking of all the work I could be doing. It's not that I don't want to sleep. I love sleep and if I could sleep I most certainly would. But I just can't. I've tried, trust me. I'm physically and mentally exhausted but as soon as my head hits the pillow I immediately transform into the Energizer Bunny, hungry for activity.

So, I can either lay in bed - restless - for the majority of the night... or I can stay up and be productive.

Exam period, for me, is like every night is Christmas Eve and no matter what I can't do, I CANNOT sleep. I'm certainly not excited for anything. Wait. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just so excited for my work to be finished, for me to travel home and for Santa to come.

I can almost see the finish line... it's just buried in a mountain of notes and half painted canvases. Oh yes, that's what it's like. Alright, let me put it another way:

You're asleep and dreaming. You're trying to get to the end of the hallway to exit the door. You're walking and the door keeps getting farther away. You run, but you can't fun fast enough. It feels as though a massive thousand-pound weight is holding you back. Why?

You're asleep and dreaming. Someone is chasing you. You try to fly. You usually succeed in flying for leisurely purposes; However, the one time you actually need to get away... you lack your flying abilities. They've diminished. You can only float up a few feet off the ground before the bottoms of your feet pitter-patter against the gravel again. Why?

You're asleep and dreaming. You meet someone famous. You're excited. You can't believe it. You try to find a pen to get an autograph. The pen is ink-less. You reach for your camera only to realize you'd left it in your dresser drawer. You run back to your house to find it, knowing for a fact that that the camera is there. It's not there. Why?

Now, combine all of those feelings into one and it's exactly what I'm experiencing right now. I'm awake and not happy about it. I'm trying to get work done. Nothing is going my way. I can see the finish line, but no matter what I do I can't get closer to it. I'd love to sleep it all away... but I can't.

WHY?!

Guys Hate Twilight.

2009-12-03T08:51:00.004-04:00

People, mostly men, are complaining about Twilight/New Moon... saying that it's demeaning to men. It's obvious from the hollers in the mostly-female theatre audience that the men are being objectified. For most of the movie, Jacob and his gang are shirtless, showing off their chiseled bodies. Bella, the main character, is the one who drives the plot forward. And, as physically powerful as Jacob and Edward are, they fall weak to Bella whom they love. She is the one who holds the control and decided who she wants to be with, therefore, she's the one that drives the plot forwards.

I know several guys that these movies actually infuriate. They claim Twilight/New Moon sets fantasized expectations that real guys feel they could never live up to. Many guys are pissed that Stephanie Meyer is projecting these fake men who are highly sexualized. These guys sit, uncomfortable, in the movie theatre while girls shriek when Jacob whips off his shirt.

I'm curious as to why men are uncomfortable with their own objectification while women are basically numb to theirs; Women are expected to say nothing when Megan Fox's ass is plastered all over the Hollywood screen. It's because it is the norm. Since the production of old Hollywood films, females have been objectified on the screen in order to satisfy the male gaze. The protagonist has usually been the male, withholding the qualities that make him ideal: strong, powerful, handsome, wealthy, while the female is a representation of a sexual fantasy from a male point of view: sexualized, beautiful, isolated, weak. This is the way it has been throughout the years and, unfortunately, will continue to be. The female character performs for the male. In Laura Mulvey's essay Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema, she states that "as the narrative progresses [the female] falls in love with the main male protagonist and becomes his property, losing her outward glamorous characteristics."

So, again... why is it that men feel uncomfortable with their own objectification? I commend Stephanie Meyer for switching it around and objectifying men on screen. It's really one of the first movies produced purely for the female gaze and I'm not complaining... and I really think guys shouldn't either.

Welcome December

2009-12-01T17:51:00.005-04:00

Wow. December, already.

This is the last week of classes for this semester. CRAZY. I've been buckling down in the studio painting as many portraits as I can. My ideas for my 4th year project has shifted a bit. I'm cropping out the diary dates and making it primarily about the people. I don't think the portraits I've painted need any more information. I think they're enough as it is.

I'm working primarily in watercolour paints. I've definitely feel like I've mastered the medium and I feel most comfortable working this way. The portraits are fairly large... about 2ft x 3ft. They're fairly loose in structure... I like them that way. I like the "incomplete" look to them. It's definitely the body of work that I'm most proud of. I enjoy painting them. Portraits used to be such a chore. If you remember some of my previous entries, I've ranted about how much I loathe painting portraits... but it's so therapeutic to me now. Maybe it's because I know can relate to the people I'm painting.

I've been looking at options overseas for next year. The majority of applications are due in January and February which means I'm going to need a decent amount of work to document for a submission portfolio. There are many MFA programs all over the world... so I've been looking into them. I've been looking at one in New York, London and one in Ireland. My other options are NSCAD in Halifax for a Visual Arts Certificate in Studio (a sort of prep for MFA)... or Cape Breton University for Bachelor of Education to teach art in high schools.

There are so many options and I'm glad I'm not narrowing my search to one one or two options. This is a big decision in my life and I really have to weigh all of the possibilities. Remember that when it comes time for you to take that next big step after graduation (high school or university), that you really think about all the possibilities. This is the rest of your life that you're dealing with!

Dream big and don't limit yourself. Don't give up on what you want to do. Have faith in yourself. The only thing that's stopping you from reaching that dream is yourself. Remember that! Nothing is standing in your way.

Home Away From Home

2009-11-26T02:54:00.005-04:00

You're in high school. You're graduating this year and weighing your potential options for next year. You know one thing for sure - you want to leave home. The thought of being free from your parents' supervision and rules is exciting. You're swaying towards that acceptance letter from the university a few hours away from home.

But...

Are you ready to move away from home?

You really have to think about this before deciding because if you're not ready than it can completely ruin your university experience. You don't want to end up living on your own, and then being anxious to visit home every possible weekend that you can. I know people that have done this... people who weren't ready to move away from home... and it inevitably interfered with their university experience. Let me tell you one thing right now: The more you go home, the more you want to go home. And that can not only interfere with your university experience, but also your grades.

Mount Allison is my home away from home, and it's very seldom that I travel the ten hour bus ride home. It's been this way since first year. I, definitely, was ready to move away from home after graduating high school. The years after high school are the best years of your life

and you shouldn't dread them. You should want to be away. You should want to actively participate in your home away from home.

Sometimes we end up in ruts and we want to travel home to be in a comfortable place surrounded by our family. I've been in this boat before too. Last year, I traveled home a lot for various reasons because I was in that rut. I was anything but motivated. However, the more I traveled home, the less connected I felt to my home at university... and the less I wanted to get back on track. Sometimes it's easier to hide at home, but I'm here to tell you (since I've been on both side of the fence) that the best thing you can do is not to hide. The more you hide the less likely you want to be found.

If you come to Mount Allison, you don't want it to be just a place where you come for an education. Don't hesitate to really settle in and make it your home. Learn to love it and be comfortable within it. There's so much more to do than just go to classes. Use the weekends, instead of traveling hours on the road to go home, to explore Sackville - your town away from your town. There's so much to be seen and to be done. Do not hide. The more you hide, the less likely you want to be found.

I dream a dream

2009-11-18T17:48:00.003-04:00

I ordered my grad ring today... it's 10K white gold, size 7, has the Flying A symbol, BFA on one side, my graduating year on other, my initials "BMBM" to be engraved on the inside... and it's four hundred bucks. $405.67 to be exact.

But, it's something that I'm going to wear with pride for the rest of my life. It's really sinking in that I'm graduating. I'm so excited but so stressed at the same time. I've spent the last few days weighing my options for next year and filling out applications for various schools. It would be a lot easier if I knew what I wanted to do... but I really haven't the slightest clue. If only this decision about life was as easy as it was when we were in preschool; We always knew exactly what we wanted to be when we grew up as we excitedly scribbled it in pictures on construction paper with crayon. It's funny because that's essentially what I do everyday... "scribble pictures on construction paper with crayon" but it still isn't clear. I always wanted to be an artist. That was what I envisioned myself as when I was in preschool; However, I never knew the complexities revolved around wanting to be an artist... and the lack of stability that may or may not accompany it.

So, I'm in school striving to reach that dream that I always imagined for myself... but I'm not entirely sure where to go from here. I've gone to school, high school, university - all along avoiding the questions I constantly bombard myself with, "Well, Beth... where do you go now? What is it that you want to do?" I've been plummeting money towards a dream that I already accomplished when I was 6 years old, scribbling drawings on construction paper with crayon. I am an artist. I've always been an artist. Am I more of an artist now than I was then? If someone gave me a piece of paper and crayon and asked me to draw what I wanted to do with my life would I come up with the same answer?

If I knew what I wanted to be, would this graduating process be a whole lot easier? I'm not entirely sure that it would be. Maybe it's not knowing the makes this process and life more interesting.

How boring life would be if we knew exactly how it was going to play out. Life can get pretty boring when it's all routine. It's not knowing that keeps us on the edge of our seats. When we're watching a movie for the first time it is interesting and captivating because we don't know what's going to happen; However, a movie becomes less intriguing when you know exactly when you're going to jump and when your emotions are going to be triggered.

Once upon a time I wanted a plan. I would become reliant on plans that I'd establish for myself. However, if we have plans and they don't work out the way we want it leads to nothing but disappointment. So, maybe I should just embrace not knowing and pop some popcorn. Our life is our own movie and we are the ones creating the script as we go.

Quick Update: NYC

2009-11-16T14:17:00.003-04:00

I found in New York what I was hoping to find in San Francisco... a whole lot of motivation.

NYC was imploding with creativity and being in the presence of such fascinating contemporary artwork was inspiring.

We saw a lot of prodigious museums including The Metropolitan, MOMA, The New Museum, Whitney, and The Guggenheim but what really sparked my interest was the Chelsea Galleries. Chelsea, where we were staying in NY consisted of several streets full of warehouses made into galleries, showcasing contemporary artwork. It was all new so it captured me in a way that a Degas painting couldn't.

Elizabeth Peyton is definitely one of my favorite artists, and now: Hope Gangloff. Peyton does amazing watercolour portraits. Her artwork is something I keep in mind when I make my own watercolour portraits. After being introduced to the intense pen marks that make up Gangloff's portraits, I'm motivated to capture that same energy in my own art.

The trip consisted of mostly doing what we wanted on our own time. We had a lot of time to explore the city and do whatever we wanted. We explored China town, Little Italy, trekked to the top of the Rockefeller Centre, journeyed through Times Square and shopped on Fifth Avenue.

While eating at The Half King in Chelsea, we noticed that Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl) was eating in the booth behind us. I approached him with my napkin and pen while my friends hid in their seats and asked him for his autograph. It was exciting. I fought every urge to throw up, faint, and salivate in front of him. I succeeded. He signed my napkin. I was happy. I was on celebrity watch for the rest of the week but all else I saw was The Naked Cowboy, haha.

It was a fantastic trip but certainly exhausting. I'm glad to be back so I can catch up on all the work I missed. I can't believe there are only three weeks left in the semester! THREE WEEKS. It makes me so excited but I also want to vomit, haha. I have so much to do before Christmas break comes.

Alright folks,

I better get ready for class!

Take care until next time!

The Illusionist

2009-11-06T15:01:00.003-04:00

I sat in the stadium chair, my hands gripping my knees trying to stop them from quivering. I'd been waiting for this moment since I was eight years old. The never ending smile was plastered across my face as I watched the titles on the big screen in front of me. "World's Best Illusionist!" "20 Emmy Awards!" "A Living Legend!"

I'd been a fan of David Copperfield's for longer than I can remember. I used to watch his tricks and illusions we'd taped off of TV over and over again, the same captivation and excitement overtaking me each time. He was always someone I had longed to see but never thought I'd actually get to. So, when I found out he was coming to Cape Breton I thought it was a joke. I never ever thought that I'd actually get a chance to see the magician of our lifetime.

So, I sat in the stadium chair... awaiting his arrival. I'm going to relate it to Johnny Depp's version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I felt like one of the golden ticket winners, anxiously waiting to see if Willy Wonka would live up to the expectations that have been built up over the years. There was a grand introduction, just like in the movie... which built up my expectations even more. David Copperfield eventually appeared on a motorcycle... which came out of nowhere... which was incredibly fascinating. The box was empty... then it wasn't.

I sat, like the golden ticket winner, peering up at the stage thinking, "You're Willy Wonka?"

I think I was expecting the same David Copperfield that was present in the tapes I'd watch at home. He was lacking ambience... charm; He wasn't as suave as I was hoping he'd still be. I was expecting him to be... tall and handsome, but there was something very disproportional about him.

Nonetheless, the show blew me away. My only complaint was that I wish it was longer than an hour. I think, in some ways, I was disappointed because I was expecting someone phenomenal... while for the most part, it was all the same tricks I've already seen. I was hoping to see some favorites that he didn't perform. I'm sure he puts on a very different show in Las Vegas. Cape Breton is a small area and the tickets were less than a hundred bucks - so, the show was a hundred dollar show. I'm sure in places where there's more money, he can afford to put on a more extravagant show.

He did this trick... which was pretty incredible, haha.

I was heartbroken to find out David Copperfield is old, decrepit and mullet-less. However, if you ever get the chance to see him, I definitely recommend it. I assure you you'll be blown away by his illusions and magic. He's more than just a magician... he's a performer. He builds a relationship with the audience... though, I do agree with other reviews that his show is a little "mechanic" now. But, I guess... maybe that's inevitable since he's been doing it repeatedly for so long.

What I was expecting:

What I got:

Paranormal Activity Review

2009-10-28T14:35:00.000-03:00

I’m a particularly strict critic when it comes to horror films and I’m not especially attracted to films under such genre; However, something about Paranormal Activity’s theatrical trailer and growth in hype captivated me. Paranormal Activity, a film written and directed by Oren Peli was originally released in 2007, however, didn’t make it to big screens until two years later in 2009. There was much alteration made to the film, including recuts, editing and alternate endings, in attempt to make it on the big screen. I’ve seen the original film that was released in 2007 which has a very different ending from what I’ve researched in the version that’s in theaters today.

The seemingly legit documentary centers around a young couple, Micah and Katie who have been together for three years. Micah purchases a camera in hopes of recording the paranormal phenomena that Katie claims has been haunting her for years. Micah is more fascinated with the technology of the camera than with what’s actually going on with his girlfriend, which shows he is skeptical of her complaints. The “shaky-cam” technique reflects a feeling of intimacy, allowing the viewer to take advantage of the permission authorized to intrude on the couple’s life. This technique inevitably allows the viewer to relax, familiarly relating the film to their own personal connections with home videos. Throughout the film, the paranormal activity and strange occurrences seem to heighten as the hand-held camera documents what is going on.

The film successfully builds up anticipation and suspense. There is an interesting push and pull that I was experiencing while watching the film; I felt relaxed with the home-video feel and fell in love with the characters, but I was on edge being consciously aware that spine-chilling events would eventually corrupt this feeling of comfortability.

This film delivers terror triumphantly. Micah and Katie are an average couple whom most can relate to which makes it easy to emphasize, getting caught up within their situation. The actors who depict the couple are extremely believable and do anything but come off as a cheap imitation like the characters in the 1999 mockumentary film, The Blair Witch Project. I was fearful that Paranormal Activity was just to be a knockoff of TBWP. However, I was anything but disappointed.

The audience is casted as the camera holder, allowing the viewer to easily and unavoidably experience the paranormal activity up close and personal. Paranormal Activity is honest and not exaggerated in a sense that it portrays what I always secretly wanted to encounter: the evidence of a ghostly presence. Most horror films consist of inflated, fabricated nightmares with monsters, and unrealistic but horrifying events. The typical horror film leaves nothing to the imagination while it’s the suspense and the terror of “not knowing” that is evident in Paranormal Activity. It leaves a lot for the viewer to interpret and imagine, which can be as terrifying as we want it to be. Even with being scared with the average horror films like, Freddy Krueger and Friday the 13th, there’s still the realization that these horror films we watch are at a safe distance from reality. However, Paranormal Activity is the opposite in the sense that we’re put into the shoes of the camera holder and entrapped within the film itself. The film ends with the caption, “Dedicated to Micah and Katie” reflecting the feel of an actual documentary which allows the viewer to believe this “mockumentary” is actual recorded evidence of paranormal activity. The typical horror movie will release its grasp on the viewer, letting them escape and head back into the comfort of reality, while Paranormal Activity doesn’t necessarily give the viewer this safe closure.

I can confidently say that Paranormal Activity is the best horror/thriller film I have seen because it escapes the cliche one would associate with this particular genre and brings to the table a whole new meaning of being scared. I guarantee you’ll have difficulty sleeping after watching this thriller of a film.

once upon a time

2009-10-20T21:04:00.004-03:00

I'm laying on the floor with my sister. We're on our bellies, pencil crayons in our hands... colouring the pages of my Beauty and the Beast colouring book. She's watching Matlock. I hate this show, but I don't care because I'm spending time with my sister. I'm watching her colour the page, envious of her ability to stay inside the lines. I try to copy her artistic approach.

It's a Monday night. My parents are at a meeting; so, my sister is watching me. After we colour, she does my hair, paints my nails and puts makeup on me. It's not actually makeup. She has one of my storybooks on her lap and she uses her makeup brushes to "dip" into the colours displayed on the cover and then pretends to splash the paint onto my face. I love the way the soft bristles dance against my face and I laugh as she tickles me with the brush.

My parents come home. I'm anxious at this point because they promised to bring me home a surprise. They always brought me home a surprise. It's a surprise, but at the same time I know exactly what it is. They burst through the door and I run up and hug them. They hand me a brown paper bag. I open it up and smile. Cream Soda and Sour Cream and Onion chips. The usual. I love it. It was such a treat.

***

I had an unbelievably rough day. Murphy's law was definitely slapping me in the face today with the "everything that can go wrong, will" theory. After class, I stopped by the store on the way home and bought Cream Soda and SC&O chips. I don't think I've tasted either since before I was ten years old. Nostalgia is bouncing against my lips. All my favourite memories are coming back to me now, swamping out the bad day I just had.

I think we all get overwhelmed every once in awhile, and sometimes not even venting to people will help. No matter what, they never say exactly what you want them to say. I think that we can only strive for relief within our selves. We can achieve this by resorting back to a moment in our lives when we were happiest... and reliving those memories, grasping onto those once-felt feelings. If you grasp hard enough, you can pull them out into your current situation. And eventually, those feelings you've grasped from your memories will dilute the stress that's trying so hard to weigh you down.

'Cause everyone's your friend in NYC

2009-10-19T22:38:00.004-03:00

I signed up for my critique today. It's at 2:40pm in the crit room in the Fine Arts building on November 2nd. So, if you want to show up - feel free!

You may be asking what exactly a crit is. Well, it's a term very familiar to the Fine Arts world. It's a pretty big deal come fourth year. In our first three years, we often "critique" eachothers' works to get us comfortable with offering feedback and talking about our own work.

So, each fourth year student signs up for a time slot. Fine Arts classes are canceled because the faculty attends these critiques. In the crit room, I will be exhibiting work that I've been working on independently so far. People, students and staff, will be invited to look around at the artwork and then be seated. I'll talk about my purpose and methods. Questions will be asked. That sort of thing. If you find yourself bored at 2:40pm on November 2nd, please show up and take a gander at what I've been working on this year! It's only an "in progress" crit so none of my work is actually complete. But you'll get a good feel of where I'm going with it all. I'd love some extra eyes to view and feel free to offer me your feedback. I'd certainly appreciate how you feel about it!

It's going to be a busy week with preparing for the 2nd. Here are the events I have to look forward to/stress over:

October 29th

Leave Sackville

Bus to Halifax

Flight to Newfoundland

October 29th-31st

Halloween festivities spent in St. John's

November 1st

Fly back to Halifax

Bus to Sackville

November 2nd

Critique

November 3rd

Bus to Cape Breton

November 4th

David Copperfield

November 7th

4TH YEAR FINE ARTS NEW YORK CITY TRIP !!!!!

This trip is "mandatory" to graduate, however, we have to pay for it ourselves. I'm not complaining about it. I'm actually really excited; It'd be much more expensive under any other circumstances like if I decided to go on my own. I'm... just... broke. I'm not quite excited about my lack of money.

Ahhhhh.... you can see I have a lot on my plate for the next few weeks. I have to have everything ready for my critique before I go away to Newfoundland and I'm going to be pretty much nonstop until I get back from NYC.

I'm so much closer to graduating and I absolutely cannot wait! I've been thinking a lot about possible options for next year. I'm almost certain I'm going to be moving to Halifax in May. I'm more likely to find a summer job there than at home in the Cape. I'm going to apply to NSCAD. There are some graduate programs there that I was looking into. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my degree and how exactly deep I want to dig into the fine arts world... but I'm going to use next year to find out. Eventually, I think I want to get my bED to fall back on. That way, I'll be able to teach if I wanted to. But I'm definitely going to strive for something much bigger...

Inside my studio

2009-10-13T15:57:00.004-03:00

As you may or may not know, I've been writing in diaries and journals since I was eight years old. It is something I've always loved doing and I've always been passionate about writing. It's very personal to me; So, I wanted to bring this into my artwork. I'm making several bodies of work all around the same theme: my diaries.

I've written in my diaries about many different people - some who have impacted my life in a tremendous way. These people have shaped me into the person I am today; I wouldn't be who I am without the memories I've made with these people and the influence that they've had on me.

So, I'm doing big watercolour portraits of these people and the title of the work will be a date of a diary entry in which I wrote about them, as well as a line from the specific diary. The title will become just as significant and meaningful as the artwork itself. My initial idea was to have my numerous diaries and journals displayed to invite people to flip to the date that's the title of a portrait and read the full entry. I'm still playing around with ideas and what exactly I want to do. I've been making color photocopies of my diary entries... I figured I could do something with them. Perhaps I can make a sculptural book out of them.

Also, I have a bunch of 1ft x 1ft canvases; So, I've been scanning and printing out diary entries onto iron-on transfer paper and ironing them onto material. I plan on stitching them to the canvases and painting/collage-ing around them. That's basically my idea for my fourth year project for this semester. It's very personal but, to me, that's what artwork is about.

Below are pictures I took of my studio! Sneak a peek at what I've been working on and where I work at.

Put down the cookie

2009-10-08T10:43:00.004-03:00

Ok, so it's Sunday night and you're thinking to yourself, "I'm starting tomorrow!"

I've been there before, too. Many many times. The thought sets in, more than likely, after you've stuffed your face with countless calories and sat on your ass all day. So, you want to start eating healthy and exercising. It lasts maybe a day or two, and then it rains. You're sitting at the table peering out the window and say to yourself, "Well, I can't go for a walk or run today... so I'll just take a day off." Then you think, "Well, if I'm taking a day off I may as well eat that cookie that's sitting on the counter calling my name."

And this is when you usually crash into a downward spiral . You eat like crap and laze around all week. Then Sunday night comes and you're thinking to yourself, "I'm starting tomorrow!"

STOP! PUT DOWN THE COOKIE!

I'm here to tell you to stop procrastinating and start now! I'm going to introduce you to my friend, Leslie Sansone. Her in-home walk program is the best program I've ever been introduced to. It's motivating and, well, let's face it... some of us aren't physically or mentally equipped to handle the pressures of going to the gym and having to work out in the presence of unbelievably fit people. It actually nauseates me and makes me less motivated. So... with Leslie's program you can walk miles upon miles - rain or shine - in the very comfort and privacy of your own home.

You can purchase her DVD's mostly anywhere. I downloaded a few of her DVD's through torrents online. I recommend the 4 Mile Super Challenge.

In the summer during camp, my friend Donna and I would pop in the DVD and workout after the kids went to sleep. The guy counselors would point fingers and laugh at us. We told them not to laugh until they tried it. So, they did... and they agreed that it was a super challenge and legit workout. The workout DVD became something we all did every night as a team. It felt great to be able to push ourselves to the fourth mile. It's so rewarding and you feel so great.

Every mile is 15 minutes, so you can decide to quit whenever you want. I usually try to push myself to go all the way. The workout is great if you just want to keep healthy or if you're trying to reach a weight loss goal. The benefits are: a stronger heart and lungs, conditioned muscles which give you a faster metabolism, flexibility and strength! It's so easy and easy enough for absolutely everyone to do it.

Go to her website http://www.walkathome.com to watch some introduction videos, browse around the website, and read some success stories!

So... put down the cookie, pop in the DVD and go walk a mile or two. You'll feel great!

Tears For Fears

2009-10-05T12:48:00.003-03:00

I was in swimming lessons from ages five to seventeen. Every Saturday. When I entered the level where diving was introduced as a new requirement, panic swarmed inside my stomach. I watched as the instructor showed us how to kneel onto the edge of the pool deck and dive into the water. My hands clenched by my side and my stomach flopped. I snuck into the bathroom and waited until I thought my turn to dive had passed. I did this every and any time we had to do dives. I managed to avoid conquering my fear for years... until it became time to be a lifeguard.

I secretly confessed to my Nationals instructor my secret fear of diving. There was a segment in the course where everyone lined up on the edge of the pool deck. I watched each and every one of them dive into the water. They motivated me and encouraged me to do it. Friends would stand beside me, helping to position my body the correct way for entry. Their confidence and support helped me overcome the dread associated with diving that day. I was filled with delight when I finally vanquished what I used to think was out of reach.

Reliving that day and realizing that it's better to not to repress what intimidates me, still doesn't relieve the pain associated with thinking about what tyrannizes me.

When I was in Jr. High, I remember stressing to no-end about getting tests back. My heart would pound in my chest as the teacher would call out names one by one to go up to the desk and pick up your test. I hated this. Sometimes I'd tell my teachers I'd rather not know. Don't get me wrong, I never ever did poorly on a test. I was a 90's student but it still didn't change the fact that the possibility of doing bad made my stomach ache. My teachers would laugh, shake their heads, and shove my test in my face. That same sense of relief I felt when I conquered diving always consumed me when I became conscious of the fact that I did good on a test.

I know it's irrational to run from your fears. It's irrational to pretend to be happy wallowing in oblivion because we can't repress the unknown forever. And, when asked "would you rather be hurt by the truth or be happy believing a lie" I always respond "truth" because I'd rather be faced with reality than pretending to be impervious.

It's hard to face your fears. But once you do, you can shove them in your past and wave goodbye. Saying goodbye isn't pretty but it's uglier living a lie.

My Studio Space

2009-09-29T22:56:00.003-03:00

My studio is my second home. I'm fairly certain I spend more time there than in my apartment. I think being in a creative environment will keep the creative juices flowin' all the time. I'm in the process of making it a little bit more cozy. There was an old sofa chair left, abandoned, in the corner of my space; So, I bought a green blanket to drape over it. I'm thinking about bringing my fold up foam bed/chair, so I can just crash for the night if I absolutely have to.

Our professors discourage us from sleeping in the studio, but sometimes if I'm working late nights I'd rather just crash for a few hours and walk home when it's light outside. I wake up usually around 10am, shower, and get to the studio before noon. I'll set up and start working, go to class or guard at the pool and then make my way back to the studio for a few more hours. Because I don't walk the distance home on whatever short breaks I may have, I usually just go to the cafe and buy a sandwich. The problem with that is... the bucks add up. I was on the phone with my mother who agreed with me that a mini refrigerator would be ideal. I can buy one at Walmart for under $100, set it up in my studio and store some food there to get me through the long days and nights.

I'm not sure I've ever been so motivated as I am this year. The one thing that keeps me motivated is keeping active and busy. If I break for too long I know that I'll want to keep breaking... which will inevitably lead to slacking. I need to keep focused!

I met with Erik, one of my fourth year advisors, yesterday and talked about my ideas for my projects this year. He gave me a lot of great feedback which pushed my mind to bubble out even more possible ideas. This is why it's always important to participate in critiques when you can... whether it be class critiques, talking to your professors, inviting people (even Visiting Artists) to your workspace to see what you're working on. Hearing criticism and hearing what other creative minds have to say will motivate you to go even further with your artwork.

I'm pretty excited about my ideas for this year and I'll let you in on them as soon as I further develop them. I'll also take some pictures of my studio space and of what I'm working on so you can have a little peek. I'll try to have that posted for my next blog.

Remember: Don't hesitate to drop me a line if you want a tour of the fourth year studios!

Take care, folks.

Homecoming Weekend

2009-09-21T10:30:00.005-03:00

My friend, Emily, and I.

It was quite the eventful weekend, with Homecoming and all. I think it was my first time taking part in all the weekend's festivities since first year. I'm definitely glad I did since it's my last year. I purchased a Game Day shirt from the bookstore, as well as pom poms and a MTA water bottle. My VISA took a hit but I rationalized it with the fact that it was my last year and I certainly had to represent. So, I slapped on some face paint and away I went.

I've never seen Sackville pumpin' with so many peeps before. There were people of all ages scattered everywhere and the traffic was nuts. Because it was the Fall Fair in Sackville, there were many activities and fun times to be had all weekend, including farmer's markets, bands and music to be listened to, circus rides, various suppers to attend, movie showings, games and lots more fun with even prizes to be won! It was great to see so many smiling faces. Sackville certainly is rich with culture and there's such a great feeling when you see so many people taking part in community activities.

You may or may not know that we lost the football game against X. But it certainly was fun to watch; You inevitably get caught up in the adrenaline rush! The boys played great and there were so many people there, painted from head to toe, cheering on the Mounties. It was amazing to see so much support from the community people and students.

***

I've decided I'm going to take part in Aerobics classes as well as Dance Society classes. I'm going to have a pretty busy semester indeed. I think it's easier for me to keep going when I have so much to do though. My friend, Emily, and I decided it might be both hilarious and fun if we signed up for the Beginner Hip Hop class. It'll be a fun way to keep fit! I also decided I'm going to go swim laps at the pool whenever I can. I used to swim every Saturday for fourteen years. I miss it - that's for sure. I never even knew the pool was open for use until the second year. You can check out the schedule on the Mount A website when it's open for member swims and drop in's. Just take your MTA student ID with you, and you'll get in for a swim!

***

Alright folks, it's time for me to get organized for the day!

Take care,

Beth

Stumblin'

2009-09-14T17:13:00.002-03:00

Well, I've thought long and hard, coming up with three vital tips that will guide you through your years at Mount Allison. A lot of people say you have to learn from your mistakes, but I say you should learn from others' and save yourself the trouble. So here it goes:

Don't carry your VISA - I cannot stress this one enough. Use your credit cards for emergency use only. This doesn't mean taking out a twenty when you're at the Pub to buy extra drinks and ensuring you have enough for a slice of pizza on your way home. I promise you this will happen if you carry your credit card in your pocket (especially when you're at the Pub and you're not in the right state of mind)

Keep your laptop at home - Avoid the temptation of taking your laptop to classes. This is a common mistake a lot of students make and it inevitably takes a toll on your grades. Take a notepad and pen instead of typing your notes up on your laptop. This way, you're forced to pay attention during lectures instead of updating your Facebook status, chatting on MSN and refreshing your Hotmail inbox every ten minutes. I cannot even count how many times I've witnessed people paying more attention to their computer screens than the professor. It not only distracts you, but it distracts students around you who actually want to pay attention. It's extremely hard to concentrate on what my professor is talking about when the person in front of me is chatting about the weekend's events on MSN or playing online games.

Make lists - Lists are extremely helpful and will keep you on the right track. Put up a whiteboard in your room and write up a list of things you have to do. You'll feel accomplished and focused every time you scratch something off. Lists definitely keep me motivated, especially when there's so much I have to do. It's good to prioritize and not to let everything go until the last minute. Set goals and makesure nothing stands in your way of achieving them.

***

On a lighter note, I'm going to introduce you to a pretty amazing website. It's called, "Stumbleupon". For those of you who know what this website is, I'm sure you agree with me on its level of awesomeness. For Stumbleupon newbs, follow along.

Go on over to www.stumbleupon.com - it takes about 20 seconds to sign up. With registering, you check off some of your interests. Now, with the click of the "stumble" button at the top of the screen, it will begin to journey you through websites on the internet that (based on what you checked off) will appeal to you. It's a pretty great website for when you're bored. I've discovered some amazing, hilarious, entertaining, inspiring and interesting websites. You can give websites a thumbs up or thumbs down. It will remember the ones that you've given the thumbs up to. You should definitely check it out. I find it more addicting than Facebook... and it's an addiction you don't have to feel bad about it because you're discovering things more interesting than what Jane Doe's status updates.

To 1st, 2nd, 3rd Year BFA Students:

2009-09-11T13:09:00.003-03:00

So, after the first full week, a little bit of stress and excitement are lingering in my stomach.

So, I'll walk you through the steps of what the first week will be like in your fourth year in Fine Arts. If you're like me, you're not going to have a clue until you actually show up. I had a basic understanding of how things were going to work but I wasn't completely educated on the process until this week.

Fourth Year Meeting - We had a fourth year meeting for the Bachelor of Fine Arts students in the Fine Arts building. We were all given "Fourth Year Handbooks".
The Head Advisor - a fine arts faculty member, told us how things were going to work this year. We were informed that he'd be meeting with us a few times throughout the year as a group.
Advisors - We have to pick two advisors from the F.A faculty. These advisors are people who will be advising, assisting and evaluating us in the development of our independent work. We will meet with these professors regularly throughout the semester. We can have different advisors each semester.
Studio Space - We got assigned our individual studio spaces that will become our home for the next eight months. Some people have to share due to a lacking number of spaces.

Course Requirements/Expectations:

produce a body of work plus studies/explorations relating to this body of work
participation/presentation in weekly or bi-weekly group/individual conferences with your advisors
produce a formal text addressing creative activity
participation in joint advisor Studio Meeting
participation/presentation in two formal critiques
complete a presentation dossier with labeled documentation of artwork, artist statement, curriculum vitae or resume each semester
attendance at all Visiting Artists lectures in the Visiting Artist Program
attendance in fourth year workshops: Artists in a Professional Context
participation in New Year Open House studios
participation in the BFA graduating show

Overwhelmed? Well, I certainly am. It's going to be a tough semester; There's no one there to hold my hand anymore and I'm working primarily on my own. I'm the one who creates my own "syllabus", assignments and deadlines. This year is really going to test my independence, responsibility and ability to prioritize. On top of the stress of meeting the BFA requirements and working in my studio, I'm lifeguarding when I can at the campus pool, blogging as much as I can, taking two seminar courses, my elective and a correspondence course.

OH MY OH MY OH MY!

I'm looking forward to it though. Feel free to drop me a line if you would like to stop by and see my studio space sometime!

Peace, love, art.

Back in the Sack

2009-09-06T15:08:00.003-03:00

I can't believe I didn't find out about correspondence courses until last year. If I'd known from the beginning about them, I would've been taking them since my first year at Mount Allison.

So, in case you are in my boat and complete oblivious to correspondence courses I'm going to tell you a little bit about them.

With a wide variety of different courses to choose from, correspondence courses are an alternate way of completing courses needed to earn your degree. You earn three credits which is equivalent to a course you'd take on campus. The courses are held three times a year: September, January and May, so you can register for any course for any of these time periods. You complete the course on your own time, submitting to the professor assigned tasks and essays through mail or e-mail.

When you register, you get a packet of materials for the course. I took Canadian Studies in the summer, so I got a booklet full of 12 lectures for the course as well as a list of books I needed to purchase. Without the stress of due dates, I was able to complete the coursework in my own speed and with ease. I didn't feel pressure at all and I found the course enjoyable and rewarding. I completed the five essay assignments and then when I got back to Sackville I wrote the final exam.

I recommend taking correspondence courses; It's a great way to ease your load in future years. If I'd known about this, I would've been taking them during my summers off and then I would've had an easier course load in my last year at Mount Allison.

I must say I've never been so motivated to be back at school! I think it's because I did so well in my summer course. It has given me drive to stay on top of all my courses this year and to do the best that I can do. I can't believe this is my last year here. Realizing this has sent me in a whirlpool of emotions. I'm a little sad to leave but I'm also excited and proud of myself. I've learned a lot about myself here and this place has shaped me into a better person. Realizing that this is my last year also fills me with fear because I'm not sure what I want to do after I graduate.

I'm not entirely sure what to expect from this year but I know that I'm definitely excited to start the journey to the finish line, here in the sack. I can't wait to take you along with me!

Feel free to drop me a line anytime: bmmartin@mta.ca

Take care!

Letters to a young artist

2009-08-23T22:10:00.005-03:00

My dreams of become an artist have quickly spiraled into becoming a novelist. It seems as though I've become less passionate about expressing myself onto canvas and have become more passionate about expressing myself through writing. An artist is someone who expresses themselves artistically, so I suppose a novelist is an artist. I just realized I'm not sure I want to seek a career in the visual arts as much as I once longed to do.

I e-mailed Lesley Crewe, a well known published writer from Cape Breton, seeking for advice. So, this advice I'm going to pass onto you. "If your goal is to be published," Lesley wrote, "then you're in for a lot of misery, because getting published these days is pretty difficult." Hmm. No... the only reason I write is because I love it. I certainly never had dreams of being published when I was seven, writing down my heart and soul into tattered pages of my Mickey Mouse diary. Lesley told me if that's my only goal, that I may be waiting a very long time. This advice is good for anyone seeking fame in the arts... or anything. Do whatever you want to do... for yourself; Don't do it for anyone else or for any other reason than that.

"I you write because you want to, and if you write for only yourself, you'll have wonderful writing experience."

I suppose I strive to be a writer for self fulfillment and if I stumble upon success, then kudos!

"But I have a feeling, if writing is your love, then you'll do it for yourself and no one else. That is the best. That way you're free and not encumbered by what you think others want from you." That's excellent advice. This is part of the reason why my love for painting and drawing has diminished into turmoil. I was under the constant pressure of having to paint and draw what people wanted me to. It quickly became a chore - a chore I wanted to have done and over with - a chore I wanted to bury in the past.

"Trust yourself and your talent and know that you are a writer when the writing is all that matters to you. Getting published isn't what makes you a writer. If you love it more than anything, then you're already a writer."

We are all writers already. We're the authors of our own lives. We shouldn't live in accordance to other people. We should live for ourselves and strive for self fulfillment and our own happiness. Every day is a new page waiting to be filled... so go out and fill it.

Note to Frosh:

2009-08-20T21:33:00.002-03:00

Well well well,

it's that time again, folks!

I'm sure those of you anxiously clenching your Mount Allison acceptance letters are more than ready to finally leave the house you grew up in. I know that I certainly was. My three years at Mount Allison flew by but I'll try to remember back from when I was in your shoes to give you some advice for the next eight months to come.

So, here are some necessities to have packed (especially if you're in residence):

1. A whiteboard for your door. YES YES YES. This is definitely what you need. Pick up some colorful dry-erase markers while you're at it. Do you get excited when you get a parcel or letter in the mail? I certainly do. This is exactly the excitement that tickles your toes when you discover a friendly message on your whiteboard. Write on your neighbours' and they'll do the same. It's so much better than writing on Facebook walls!

2. A floor mat to put in front of your door. S is for Sackville and S is also for SNOW... and LOTS of it! So, it's VERY handy to have something to soak up all the slosh from your shoes when you're after trucking through mountains of snow.

3. Posters, pictures and prettifications. Keep in mind that your room is going to be your room for the next eight months... so you're going to want to personalize it! Your room shares the essence of a hospital room splattered with bare walls and emptiness, so be sure to bring things that will make it "you". When new friends visit your room, they'll get to know a lot more about you by its aesthetic appearance... so doll it up!

4. Sandals. Unless you're in Campbell res, you're going to be sharing communal washrooms and showers. I cringe at the thought of my feet alone... so think about the many peoples' feets that you'll be sharing headquarters with. Yes. Pack a few pair of flipflops to sport in the shower.

5. Power bar with surge protection. For some safety reasons (though MANY people refuse to obey this), you're prohibited from using extension cords... so get a power bar or two to supply the source needed for all your electronic junk.

6. Stackable storage bins. These are super super handy. It's hard to keep organized in a small space, especially if you have a roommate. You can NEVER have too many stackable storage bins! You can get ones in the dollar store in various colours!

7. A Glade plug-in. The preferred snack in residence, for some reason or another, is microwave popcorn. Sure, it's great at first... but I'm not over exaggerating when I say you'll be walking down the hall to the scent of buttered popcorn every day/night. You'll need something to mask the nauseating scent(it becomes nauseating after you're forced to consume it every day) so pick up one of these plug-ins and a few bottles of Febreeze.

8. ALARM CLOCK. This is pretty obvious. If you don't have a cell phone equipped with an alarm, you'll definitely need to pick up one of these. It can be hard to haul your rear out of bed for those 8:30am classes so you'll need an alarm clock with an obnoxious crow for that extra push.

9. QUARTERS. You've probably already packed numerous rolls of quarters. Now, times it by ten and pack the difference. You really have no idea how many quarters you'll need for laundry. And quarters you have stashed away for laundry will quickly turn into quarters for the vending machines in the lobby. Oh, those vending machines will come in handy to quench your late night cravings for munchies.

10. A ridiculous amount of warm clothes. If you haven't read my blog on Sackville winters, click here. So, don't forget to pack your scarves, mits, hats, etc. in order to survive snowy Sackville storms.

Hopefully, this blog will be of help to you while you're double checking your packing list! Look me up when you get to town and I'll be more than happy to show you the ropes.

Take care for now!

Prankwar.

2009-07-25T12:56:00.002-03:00

When the counselors go to camp, we go to camp prepared. And by prepared, I mean fully equipped with the following: saran wrap, tin foil, multiple rolls of duct tape or any kind of tape, string and rope. We are fully prepared for war. And by war, I mean a week of prankfest.

It's become a little bit harder to get away with planning pranks when we know eachother and eachother's daily schedule's in and out. We know right away when one of the guys are missing or if something fishy is going on. And they usually sense when we're up to something. Two weeks of camp have gone by with harmless pranks and we all still await for the extravagant ones that we are seemingly oblivious to.

Last summer, the female staff got up at 4am in the morning during the last day of camp. During the week at camp we'd carefully snatched the male staffs' car keys. We parked their three cars in the middle of the field and proceeded to wrap them in saran wrap, wrapping paper and post-id notes. We'd been stealing their clothes all week and froze them. So, we took their frozen clothes and placed them neatly on the designated cars. We tied their cars together with rope and just taped random objects (whatever we could find) to their cars. They didn't know what to think when they woke up in the morning and saw it. Their reactions were absolutely hilarious and they have yet to get us back for this top of the line prank.

The staff form different alliances, banding together. Last week, one of the female volunteers was "on the guys' side" but was secretly telling us everything the guys were planning. So we were one step ahead of them. However, I'll give it to the guys. They did get us good. We'd been sneakily trying to get their car keys again. For example, Morgan tossed Liam his car keys in the air and we snatched them. I announced that was too easy and we gave them back. I knew it wasn't Liam's keys. They were trying to fool us. This happened a few more times. We then found Liam's keys in the couch. Later, we saw him searching through the cushions cursing. We snickered. We set our alarms and woke up at 4am. We creeped our way up to where Liam's car was. I went to open the door... the key wouldn't work and neither did his automatic car starter. We were livid. We turned around to go back to bed when Liam rolled out from under a tree, shined a flash light at us and said, "FAIL!"

They've only been playing defense so far. But we have a feeling they're cooking up something. I head back to camp for the week again tomorrow with my necessary tools for any pranks. I'll keep you posted!

A Canoe Adventure

2009-07-18T16:52:00.002-03:00

We were getting ready for a little canoing trip. Three female counselors, myself, and 7 campers. There weren't enough life jackets for everyone, so Donna and I said we'd be ok without wearing one. I asked Lana, the director, is this was ok. She replied, "Yes, you know how to swim.. and Beth, you're a lifeguard." I nodded in agreement and we headed towards the water for our canoe adventure.

***

I sat in the canoe, paddling as hard as I could with little to no progress. I was in a forever fight with the current's waves which were pushing effortlessly against me. I tried to remain calm so the camper in my canoe would believe I knew what I was doing. I concluded that I wasn't going to win the fight. I hopped out of the canoe. The water's coldness creeped through my body and I cringed. Rocks and oysters clawed at my feet but my face remained made of stone. I hauled the canoe to the shore. Another canoe full of campers floated down with the current. I swam over to their canoe, fighting against the current, and hauled it to shore. I told them to sit tight.

The last two canoes were on there way towards us. I was yelling at them to turn around. That failed. I swam through the current once more, wondering why this day of all days was the day I was stuck without a life jacket. I hauled two of the canoes together. I tried to get everyone out of the current but it just kept getting worse and worse. I yelled to a fellow counselor that we'd have to go back and get the male staff for help. Two canoes managed to turn around and were heading back towards the camp to flag down the rest of the staff. I peered out at the canoes fighting to head back towards the camp and concluded there was no way there were going to make it back quickly; The wind was too strung now. I stood up to waist in the water with my scraped feet. I decided I'd take the road back. I ran through the woods, telling the campers and two staff that were stuck to stay put while I'd go get help.

I never ran so fast in my life. I flagged down a truck and breathlessly told them the situation. He told me to hop in while he drove me back to the camp. I ran to the main building, my shoes being kicked in the air and grabbed the airhorn. I blew it twice and proceeded to sprint towards the beach were the kids and male staff were. I ran as fast as I could. Morgan, the lifeguard, saw me with worry and question in his eyes. I collapsed to the sand, clenching my sides as I gasped for breath. "Canoes.... stuck.... current.... help," is all I managed to squeeze through each breath. I managed to explain what had happened and we all headed back to the camp. Liam, Morgan, and I headed in a car and truck to where the canoes were stuck. We drove the campers and canoes back to camp.

It certainly was an adventurous day.

RIP MP

2009-06-29T12:35:00.004-03:00

I'm so sorry for my lack of updates lately. I've been ridiculously busy with my art and with getting ready for CAMP CAMP CAMP! I can't even express my excitement for camp. Although, I'm a little worried because our little camp is fighting to survive and if we don't get an increase in registration numbers within the next two weeks before the first week of camp starts, it's not going to be good.

Sydney Presbytery Camping Program, formerly known as Mira Pines, is the same camp I've attended since I was nine years old. When I was sixteen and seventeen, I volunteered my whole summers there and then the past two years I've worked there. This year will be my third. As a camper, the week I spent there was easily the best week of my summer. Some of my most favorite memories are of the many nights I spent at the camp. There is no greater feeling than at the end of the week you get when you hear the campers tell their parents how much of a great time they've had and that they can't wait until next summer.

There was a huge controversy so blown up into the realm of irrationality that I can't even tell you what it was about. Something along the lines of a contract and lack of money made "them" (whoever "they" are) force us out of the campsite that held a home in our hearts for years. We had to basically move to another campsite. We were at two different ones the last two years, and our original campsite has been torn down to the ground. The same bunks I slept in and chalked my name across with crayon no longer exist. Mira Pines Campsite, which was once full of the anticipation of camp to start, has been put to rest.

"Different Site, Same Spirit" has been our slogan for the past two years but we've attended many meetings in which the existence of camp in the future was debated. The camp registration fees for our camp have increased brutally, therefore, the registration numbers are at a standstill. The price has risen from $150 to $360 for one camper. We've been getting parents calling outraged by the increase (obviously). The staff has nothing to do with it and we've done everything in our power to try to get the fee to decrease back to a rational one. The cost is so high because the camp didn't make any profit in a very long time. But since WHEN is it about money? Kids have nothing these days to keep occupied and the access to drugs/alcohol is so much easier than we were kids so a lot of them are resorting to this as a means of entertainment. Camps are one of the only things we can count on; People don't realize how important they are... especially the people who only want to make money from them. It's not about the money. At all. It's about helping kids have an unbelievable summer.

I've tried contacting the local newspaper, radio stations and TV ad agencies to help promote the camp. I've gotten little to no feedback, therefore, I'm very disappointed in the community who doesn't seem to want to help Mira Pines. I've made an online website for the camp so kids can register online - a lot more convenient than in the past : www.sydneypcampingp.com and we've printed many posters to advertise.

With a campsite that holds about 35 campers, there are only 5 registered for the first week of camp. This is unbelievably heartbreaking and it seems my only wish is lingered on the hope of winning the lottery so I can buy back the original campsite and help campers (new and old) to continue to spend their summers at their favorite place.

I left my heart in San Francisco

2009-06-15T13:22:00.003-03:00

"So, do you think you'll go back to San Francisco again?" my mother asked me on my way out the door. I paused and looked at her, "I loved San Fran, Mum, but there's a whole world out there I've yet to see." She smiled and asked me where I would go next year. I shrugged but my heart is set on Ireland.

San Francisco was great and I saw everything I wanted to see. It was a little overwhelming at first and somewhat surreal. I got to see the Golden Gate Bridge, Haight/Ashbury, The Painted Ladies (shown in the intro for Full House), Pier 39 & Fisherman's Warf, countless markets, an aquarium where I got to pet some funky underwater animals, tried sushi for the first time (and by 'tried' I mean chewed, gag, and spit it out), mastered the art of chopsticks, rode up and down the ridiculously steep hills, learned all about hookah, visited the Modern Art Museum, realized I didn't like photography, drank beer, played scrabble, grew close with old friends and met new friends. It was overall a satisfying trip; I was surely sad to leave California but I'm sure I'll make my way back there again someday.

I was hoping the trip would shed some light on what kind of art I want to make in fourth year at MtA. I realized that my love for photography has diminished. Photography is so popular now because anyone can be a photographer if given a nice camera. There is no magic to photography anymore; it used to be about the element of surprise - not knowing exactly how your pictures would turn out until you developed them yourself. But now that everything is digital, you can delete and retake to your heart's content until you find a picture you really like. To me, it's sort of like cheating the system. Obviously, not everyone feels this way and a lot of people really enjoy looking at photography and enjoy taking photographs - but for me, it's different. And once you've seen one photograph, you've seen them all. I'll regain interest when I stumble upon a photographer who does something different than what the rest of the photography world is doing.

A few years ago, in Cape Breton, a photographer grew quickly popular - advertising his photographs all over malls, the newspapers and television. Everyone wanted to be one John Ratchford's models who glowed in these magnificent photographs... and you could. It was like a frenzy where everyone where I'm from grew obsessed with this photographer and it was the "cool" thing to go be photographed by him.

I was one of them. For a ridiculously high price, I went in to his studio where he photographed my graduation picture as well as some "cover girl" shots, and he photographed me with my artwork.

Every time you walked through the mall, you would stop to look at his photographs to see if you knew any of the people in them. You almost always did. A lot of other artists started adopting his photoshopped style of black and white photographs with only selected color items in them (Such as a guitar player gripping his guitar which was blue, while the rest of the photograph was in black and white). This was new. But now everyone with a camera can do this. Why would you go spend thousands of dollars when you can easily just go do it yourself?

With free trials of Adobe photoshop, Youtube tutorials and other online tutorials, Facebook applications such as "Picnik" and digital cameras, it's as easy as pie to become a photographer. People no longer slow down to see if they recognize faces in Ratchford's photographs in the mall because they can just go home, log on to Facebook and do the same.

A novel.

2009-05-31T17:17:00.004-03:00

I want to write a novel.

I was reading through entries upon entries in an online diary I've been keeping since I was sixteen and I was inevitably getting soaked up into my own writing. My two best friends sat on the bed beside me, while I sat at the computer reading them selected memories I'd recorded through my life. They sat, enthralled. I looked at them, "Are you sure you're not bored?" They giggled like schoolgirls and chimed, "No" almost too effortlessly.

"Beth, you HAVE to write a novel," Jess told me. Another friend, Meg, told me once, "You write in such a way women can relate to."

I can't really explain it so you'll understand, buts sometimes I get snapped into a writing zone where various words are jumbled in my head. A scene is created; An emotion merges and I have to open up my laptop and write exactly what's in my head before I lose this sudden surge. It happens a lot. It's been happening since I was sixteen. I write after this sudden surge and I feel a strong sense of satisfaction when rereading the paragraph what I wrote.

I need to write a novel. I'm going to write a novel. I've already started. I've started since I was sixteen... writing down random scenes filled with character and emotion whenever it'd come to me. I told my brother-in-law that I wanted to write a novel. He looked at me and said, "Write what you know." What do I know? Boys. Love. Heartache. Independence. It's what most girls write in their journals or diaries and I have hundreds of entries upon entries to use as motivation and my foundation.

I am, now, in novel-mode.

***

I fly to San Francisco tomorrow. I've never been so excited for myself. Like my future novel, this is something I need to do for myself. This is something I need to experience by myself, which is why I'm going alone. Like writing a good paragraph and feeling a strong sense of satisfaction, I need to breathe air with a hunger for adventure and a happiness for life. I need to go to California and come back feeling that strong sense of satisfaction.

Repress No More

2009-05-15T23:07:00.003-03:00

In many ways, I try to convince myself I live a life very much outside one would consider a comfort zone. However, I've recently (as in the last ten minutes) realized that I deliberately bury myself into oblivion. Every time I hear about unfortunate things happening I purposely block it out, and in some ways, am selfish because I choose to be completely soaked up into my own "problems". When in actuality, I have nothing but a fantastic life and shouldn't complain or stress out about anything. I know I'm not the only person like this. We all complain and bitch about school or work stress, relationship problems, lack of money, not being able to purchase something we desperately hunger for in the mall... when there are people who "suffer" from far worse complications and situations. These people don't want pity or sympathy from anyone - including themselves.

Someone diagnosed with a life threatening disease isn't going to wallow in self pity. They see one thing - survival, and they'll keep their spirits high and do what they have to do in order to truck through the treacherous situation.

So why is it, that when people in terrible situations don't bitch and complain - but when you (me, or anyone) bump your leg, you'll complain and bitch to your heart's content and let everyone know how pissed off you are that your bruise is going to clash with the color of the dress you were supposed to wear Saturday night.

I think a lot of us repress these terrible situations that people are going through because it's painful to acknowledge it. We can't really be selfish can we? Why do we choose to purposely repress the world around us? Why do we close our eyes or turn our heads when we walk by a homeless person begging for change on the corner of the street? We see them. We know they're there. So why? Why do we keep on walking with our heads held high?

I think I'm finished complaining about bruises. I think I'm finally ready to step outside of the circle I painted around myself. I'm ready to open my eyes and look at the world around me. I'm finished with repressing.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

2009-05-13T14:13:00.003-03:00

Did you ever hold a feeling deep in your subconscious that erupted ever so often? Ever since I was small, I held a strong suspicion that I was meant to do something significant with my life. I was always the kind of person that held onto belief in coincidences, superstition and was constantly on the lookout for "signs" or "symbols" that were to point me in the direction of my great fate.

I can't exactly put my finger on or point out what I'm meant to do, but a big part of me believes I'm going to excel in something - and excel greatly. I've had this feeling since I was a child, and forever since then have been on the lookout for "signs" or "symbols" to give me hints as to what this may be. I'm not even exactly sure what I want to do with my life. My mind continuously races from idea to idea - from career to career. I know that I'm going to Cape Breton University and taking my bED when I graduate from Mount A.

Most people go to university or college after high school because they see it as the next stone to step on - and what's expected - and what's to be done, so they do it. Most people pick and choose from the same careers they narrowed down on a piece of paper in high school. What ever happened to their picks they'd draw in pictures with crayon on a piece of paper in elementary school, when they dreamed bigger than the box they inevitably close themselves inside of growing up?

They often neglect these dreams because fear of ridicule from friends and family - and fear of failure to live up to these expectations.

My strong suspicion tells me to neglect the safe choice and to wander out on the limb of adventure, because my insides tell me I'll exceed my own, and everyone else's, expectations. So what do I want to do with my life? A fashion designer? Interior design? Shoes? Clothes? Purses? Accessories? A painter? A photographer? Hollywood wardrobe stylist? Vacation tour director? Graphic designer? A novelist? An author?

I think I hold too much creativity and ambition to be locked inside of a classroom teaching kids about proportion and perspective. Why should I abandon what I'm most passionate about, only to adopt to what is considered the safe choice? Why should I settle with just a regular or normal "job" when my insides scream that I'm supposed to amount to a lot more than that.

So, I'll continue to search for "signs" and "symbols" that tell me what dream I should attempt to live out.

I'll be wearing flowers in my hair.

2009-05-03T10:30:00.003-03:00

I kind of strive for this kind of thing called adventure. I realized this time last year that life is precious and that I want to love every minute of mine. I think my mother envies my spontaneity and hunger for life, which is why she was eagerly pleased when I booked my flight to Paris last year.

So, a few weeks ago, she nodded her head in approval as I browsed Air Canada for a flight to San Francisco and settled on a round trip for $500. My friends give my choice a thumbs up, asking many questions like who I'm going with. Myself, I reply. They're surprised, but at the same time, not because this is what I do. I want to see the world and I refuse to wait around on peoples' "maybe's" and "we'll see's" to join me. I have a friend, Dena, who lives there who is originally from Nebraska. We met online years ago, when I was fifteen, when I stumbled across www.bored.com, finding an online Pictionary game. We grew to be great friends, talking every day, phoning, e-mailing, and snail mailing. We've been saying for years that I'd have to go visit her, or she'd have to come to Canada, so finally it's happening.

And where best to travel then San Francisco? It's drenched in art and a rich culture. I'm going to love it. So far, on the agenda:

Lombard St. - the crookedest street in the world.

Nob Hill: Home to many upper class families - where Full House was filmed (as well as many other movies and shows)

Alcatraz Island - self explanatory.

Haight-Ashbury - a famous corner in San Francisco. You should look up its history; It's quite interesting.

Castro District - considered the world's "best known gay neighborhood", rich with LGBT activism and events.

There are few of the many sights I'm sure I'll be seeing when I'm there. I'll be sure to take many many many pictures, so no worries! I fly out June 1st and stay a week; so excitement is starting to be overwhelming as I realize this is less than a month away!

I can't stop listening to Scott Mackenzie's "San Francisco" and Wave's "California".

I'm no portrait artist!

2009-04-07T11:50:00.004-03:00

We had a Fine Arts show and sale last weekend and I managed to sell all except one piece. I was ridiculously ecstatic that my art was such a hit. In some little way, it gave me motivation and the belief that I can pull this artist thing off. I never want to be the type of artist that paints what people like. I want people to like what I paint. Once upon a time, all I created was what people wanted me to create. People would call me up or approach me, asking me to paint them a painting of a lighthouse, a portrait of their child, etc. This is what I became accustomed to and I absolutely hated it. So, even when I wasn't making art for other people specifically, I was making art that I thought people would like and like to buy.

This year, I realized that this isn't what I want to do. I'm finished with painting portraits and pretty landscape paintings. I want to paint what I want to paint... and I have been all year. It's refreshing having people like it, and even buy it. That is what I want.

I always thought I loved creating portraits... until I set myself up in the local mall. I was in there for two weekends and made a ridiculous amount of money, but I also developed tendonitis in my right wrist. I was drawing portraits for 8 hours straight with no break at all. After the mall, people continuously called me and asked me to do portraits for them. It would take me forever just to do one portrait. In actuality, it only takes me maybe three hours to complete a good portrait (I was just doing $15 dollar portraits in 15 minutes when I was in the mall) but to actually gather the motivation to sit down and do it... was painful.

What was driving me to sit down and whip up a portrait of a smiling face I hold no attachment to? Nothing. - which is exactly why it would take me weeks to complete one. The only thing driving me to complete it was the money but even that, to me, wasn't worth it.

So, in a way, I'm thankful for the two weekends I worked in the mall as a portrait artist because it was then that I realized that that's exactly what I didn't want to do.

I want to do what I want to do - and if people like it, that's great. If not, I don't care.. at least I won't be cringing, fighting with myself to do something that I don't want to do.

So, who am I?

2009-03-31T10:25:00.002-03:00

I've been so caught up in my alternate life and alternate blog that it feels like I've been completely abandoning this one. I've finally leaked the web address out; I figured the more viewers it attracts, the more viewers who don't know who I actually am will access it. It turns out that my friends, people who know exactly who I am and what goes on in my life, are completely caught up in this different world that I pretend to live in. My friend Lana confessed to me that she refreshes the webpage everyday, anxiously waiting for updates. It's only been up, really, for a full week but it's gaining recognition. My friends who aren't aware of its significance or purpose curiously navigate through it, and then approach me asking about it. They tell me, too, that they're intrigued with its storyline.

So, I suppose I'll tell you what it is - so you can bookmark the website. I decided to include my actual friends in the storyline. They make videos and blogs, as well, and have created their own alternate identities which tie into mine. My pseudo-name is Bailey Mayfield. Everything is linked on my website at: www.bailsmayfield.tk . There are four other key characters in my story which you will learn about. I try to update it everyday, either with a blog or video. My characters will blog or vlog which will drive me (Bailey) to respond in some way.

I was on the phone with my mother recently when I was telling her about the art project. She was intrigued. She laughed when I told her my pseudoname, as it was my alternate name I gave myself when I was twelve. She scribbled down the webpage URL and told me she'd pass it on. I warned her that there was much profanity and explicit material, so I'm warning you now. I laughed and reminded her that I'm just acting.

Liam, my boyfriend, plays my ex-boyfriend in my narrative. He blogs independently. I don't tell any of my friends (characters) what to say or write. They operate completely on their own. We're all getting caught up in our own alternate egos. It's funny because it has actually caused some tension between Liam and I, as we express anything but love for eachother through our blogs. We were talking on the phone recently and he said, "I'm seeing a different side of you. I don't like it." I laughed and responded, "But it's not me... I'm only acting." I flew off the rocker when I (or shall I say Bailey) read one of his recent blogs. It's crazy how us, ourselves, are getting caught up in this alternate world... so I can only imagine how visitors are reacting (and visitors who think it's all factual and real!)

That's the website's purpose. To interact with visitors and viewers as Bailey Mayfield, my alternate personality. Like I mentioned previously, people get totally caught up in drama and conflict - especially other peoples' drama and conflict. This is why we love reality TV so much. But is it really reality? How much of it is truly real? I've created my very own internet soap, except I'm going to push the boundaries - not at first, but eventually. I'm going to explore the taboo. So, bookmark the website and keep checking back. Feel free to add Bailey as a friend and post comments. Interact with her, and she'll interact with you. Pass it on to your friends!

Thanks

Fake 'N Bake

2009-03-29T19:52:00.002-03:00

The one place I'll never step foot in is a tanning bed salon. I'm almost certain I'm the only one left in this world who hasn't conformed to the "necessity" to get an insta-tan.

Tanning bed salons usually are busiest right before high school proms, semi formals. and before spring break. People feel a need to turn their skin pigment a golden brown to achieve a heightened sense of beauty. I'm not denying the fact that tans are aesthetically pleasing; I am suggesting going about other ways than tanning beds (if you must satisfy your urge to tan!).

It has been PROVEN that tanning beds increase the risk of cancer, so why so eager to call up and make an appointment? I guess it's the same with cigarettes. The warning label is right on the package, yet people still buy them to satisfy the addiction. That's exactly what tanning is in today's society - an addiction.

The UVA rays that are emitted from the Ultraviolet A light sources in tanning salons are two to three times more powerful than the UVA rays which occur naturally from the sun.

We pretend to be oblivious to the consequences; We adapt to some sort of comfortable understanding that the consequences will never affect us. This deliberate oblivion drives us to pick up the phone and make an appointment at the nearest cancer tanning salon.

People our age who use the beds regularly have a melanoma risk eight-fold higher than people who never use tanning beds.

There are lotions that do the same trick as the sun and are cancer-free. Look into them.

Here's one for example. Oil of Olay's Touch of Sun. My mother, sister and I have used this product for years and have never run into any difficult. The scent is not too strong and we've never had to deal with streaks. There are also self tanning towelettes you can purchase at drugstores. I've used these as well and have not had any problem with streaking. If "streaking" is your excuse for resorting to tanning beds, you're not using the product correctly!

Besides, I'd rather have streaky or pale skin than have to deal with the horrific consequences of tanning beds.

A Pseudoname.

2009-03-24T15:30:00.004-03:00

For my Open Media class, we have to create what's called a "time based" art project. This is art that's created over a period of time. The mediums and options are endless so I'm going to explain to you my proposal and what I'm doing.

Two things I've been doing since I was young are:

1. writing in my diary

2. creating websites

I've had many diaries and journals I've been keeping since I was seven years old. Writing is always something I've been passionate about; I find it very therapeutic. It's a way of remembering my past and keeping memories alive/vivid. It's such a treat being able to flip through the years and read about how I felt during different situations.

When I was younger, I remember a few times that I would make up stories and then write about them in my diary. I'd make up stories about my life to inevitably intertwine them into my memories. I guess I thought that if I wrote them down, it would be believed to have happened and to be true. Nothing big. It was always small things - small things that I wanted - like having a boy ask me to dance. It was a rare occurrence when I was 12 years old, but I remember specifically writing in my diary that many boys were fighting over the opportunity to dance with me. True? Not at all, but writing it made me feel good about myself; It gave me the opportunity to slip into another life/identity.

It's a known face that people assume the internet is legit and a reliable source; Really, people are oblivious to the fact that you can't always believe what you read. This is a fact I'm going to be playing off with for my art project.

So, for my project, I've created a "fake" website reflecting a whole new identity. It's beefed up with blogs and videos. I want to convince my visitors into believing that my identity actually exists. I'm striving to have people caught up into the drama and life I'm creating for myself. I want them to feel my pain and to feel my happiness. My visitors will follow along and dig through the life of my fake persona.

I'll wait a bit before linking you the website, or perhaps if you do some digging you can stumble across it on your own!

"Fine Arts Students Aren't Smart!"

2009-03-19T12:58:00.003-03:00

I was hanging with a group of my friends, discussing exams and the arrival of summer break. When asked what exams I have and when, I responded "I have one exam on the 18th." Eyes rolled and they muttered, "fine arts students" under their breath.

Allow me to rant:

1. Nothing drives me more insane than overhearing conversations that involve rants about how unfair it is that Fine Arts students don't have to deal with the same amount of stress that other students do.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

2. OK, maybe one thing drives me more insane - and that is overhearing Fine Arts students saying things like, "Oh, don't ask me to figure out math - I'm a Fine Arts student." "It's OK if I can't spell that word, I'm a Fine Arts student."

OK SERIOUSLY. If you've said one of the quotes above and you're a fine arts student, then please don't bother reading the rest of this entry. If you have said one of the quotes above, you make it OK for people to place such stereotypes on us "Fine Arts students".

1. Math was my best subject in school.
2. I'm a grammar fanatic.
3. I was on the honor roll for the six years that make up junior high and high school.

I'm good at painting and drawing like some people may be good at chemistry or physics. Just because I'm in the Fine Arts program does NOT mean the workload isn't as stressful. Art is also a chore when it comes to assignments; there are standards to be met and the stress level is high.

"Oh, Fine Arts students don't have it as rough because THEY don't write exams."

We've written exams before. We know what it's like to study and prepare for an exam. Have you made a portfolio before?

My point exactly. A lot of people have no idea what it's like to dedicate yourself and time completely into making a portfolio for three studio classes. I'm not saying it involves more work than studying for an exam - AT ALL - I'm saying the work is equivalent.

We're just as stressed as people studying for exams.

Back in the sack!

2009-03-17T17:13:00.005-03:00

So, the Great Big Sea weekend was the most epic weekend I've experienced in a while. I had so much fun and I was surely disappointed when it came to an end.

Here's all of the girls before going out on Friday night.

Me and my favorites, before heading to the GBS concert.

If you ever get a chance to see these guys, you definitely should!

Now, I'm going to give you some of the best advice you'll ever hear. If you go out or away for a weekend, set yourself a limit of money to spend. Now, take that money out of your account and put it in your wallet. Next, lock up both of your debit card and any credit card you may have. If you bring your plastic money with you, I guarantee you'll spend a lot more than what you had initially intended. I spent a ridiculous amount of money more than I'd anticipated, but it was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time.

We went out to Maxwell's Plum for supper and drinks. The guys had been watching hockey and were going to meet us there. We were waiting a bit, so we decided to order some fancy drinks and appetizers. When the guys arrived, my boyfriend - as well as my friend, Meg's boyfriend - decided to be sweet gentlemen and told us not to worry about our bills; They said they would cover the cost of our dinners/drinks.

As you can tell from the expression on their faces, they quickly regretted offering to pay when the costs were ridiculously high. Their mouths dropped to the floor and we hauled out our cameras to take pictures.

---

So, I've basically been living in the studio since I got back to Sackville. I'm trying to get as much work done as I can so I'm not stressing out a week before classes end, trying to catch up. As much as I've been working, I'm still a little lagged behind but I found comfort in knowing everyone else in my classes is in the exact same boat.

Here's one of my turtle paintings I did for my Open Media class.

For my independent project in my painting class I'm doing a series of turtle paintings. I think I'm going to paint four of them, each 1 x 2 feet. I finished one so far and I really like how it's turning out. I'll post pictures as soon as the set is complete. After that project, I have one more independent project to do. I enjoy indepedent projects because the boundaries are infinite. That's the same boat I'm going to be in next year, in fourth year, so it allows me to get in that mind frame. It really pushes me, as an artist, to think freely and paint freely. I'm not exactly sure if I want to keep going with the turtle theme - but we'll see how this next project goes.

Anyway, I better go get some work done.

Ciao!

When I'm up, I can't get down.

2009-03-12T15:00:00.003-03:00

So, I'm in Halifax and words can't describe my excitement. I left Sackville this morning on the bus and arrived in Halifax three hours later. I'm sitting in my friends', Andrew and Meg's apartment surrounded by eight of my friends. The guys are clumped around the TV, sipping beer and playing NHL on the x-box; The girls are sprawled out on the couches, listening to Great Big Sea, and gossiping. We have about four hours before we head out to the concert. That means we have four hours to eat some pizza, get ready, and have some drinks.

It's only Thursday but I know the weekend is going to be great. Sackville is a great location because I'm able to get away to Halifax (where a lot of my friends happen to be) and it's only a three hour bus ride away.

We've been counting down to this concert for months now and I can't believe the day is actually here. Already, the sun is starting to shine a little brighter and I can feel its warmth increase each day we get closer to the summer. I've drawn the conclusion I'm ridiculously anxious to move out of my current house and move into my new one. We got another oil bill today - $92 each. We just paid another oil bill less than two weeks ago, on top of an electric bill, and the rent. Next year our apartment is only going to be $400 each per month - everything included and I CANNOT WAIT to not have to worry about bills every two weeks. It will be a major load off.

But the fact that I can feel Spring coming around the corner is getting me excited. I've already started packing to move. My friends think I'm crazy to start packing so early; However, it's not the same as the last two years. The last two years I was in residence and all of my stuff was confined to a small space which was my dorm room. This year, all of my stuff is sprawled out all over the house in every room. It's going to take me a while to gather it all up, sort it, and pack it. So, I've started now to avoid "stress overload" as the end of April gets closer.

Alright, I think it's time for me to join in on the singing of Great Big Sea songs to get me pumped for the concert.

I'll be sure to post lots of pictures.

Have a good weekend, folks!

Weight Loss Challenge

2009-03-05T18:49:00.005-04:00

So, you've probably heard of the freshman 15 and perhaps you feel invincible. I was pretty oblivious to it and pretended to be. But let me tell you...

There's nobody stopping you from eating the unhealthy choices cooked in meal hall every time you have to have to eat. There's nobody stopping you from grabbing that delicious dessert topped with extra whipped cream. There's nobody stopping you from grabbing a second dessert, and you really have no idea how tempting it is until you're in this situation.

Other factors contribute to those unwanted pounds:

Late night snack at meal hall
Unhealthy munchies stored in your dorm room
Lack of exercise (walking to your classes doesn't count as exercise)
Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol

When away at university, you have to take control and become more responsible about your health and eating habits.

There is a gym on campus, but some people (like myself) may find it intimidating to try to shed the pounds surrounded by people who I'd give anything to look like.

My roommates and I decided to do a 14-day weight loss challenge to see who can lose the most weight in two weeks. This is my fourth day into it and I've lost three pounds already! I've been doing the cabbage soup diet which claims to have you lose ten pounds in a week. I've tried this particular diet several times before but this is the first time I've actually been sticking with it. My roommate, Leah, and I also do a workout down in our basement every day. You can get some really great workout videos and, this way, you don't have to worry about having to go to the gym. Our workouts last about 90 minutes a day.

Eric, creating the chart where we monitor our weight each day.

The soup - the bane of my existence right now.

I've been feeling fantastic! It was extremely hard the first two days to avoid grabbing the leftover bag of chips in the cupboard but I'm doing great now. It's definitely more motivating having people do this with you. I probably would've given up if it wasn't for the challenge we created. I'm not sure I'll be able to look at cabbage again after this week...

The cabbage soup diet helps improve your urinary and digestive system which means you can lose weight faster. During the diet, you tend to urinate more because you're getting rid of toxins and other bacteria in the body. The soup is full of Vitamin C which boosts the immune system and energy levels. If you're interested you can check out the recipe and meal plan here It's probably one of the most reliable and affordable diets out there.

Anyway, I better go head down to the kitchen and warm up some soup!

Music is my cure.

2009-03-03T15:13:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. I had an amazing break in the Cape but it was very very busy. What should have only been a nine hour bus ride turned into twelve hours because there were so many people traveling home for the break. I was a bit bitter but happy to be back on the island when I finally was.

My break consisted of putting off all the work I brought home to do, relaxing, seeing friends, taking 30 minute long showers, having ridiculously hot bubble baths, eating delicious home cooked meals, and sleeping in past noon. I was home for ten days but it really felt I was only home for a weekend. However, I cannot believe it's now March and there are only six weeks left of classes. I know it's going to fly by; It always does.

I'm going to the Great Big Sea concert in Halifax next weekend; So, that's a little something to look forward to to help break up the next month. I was blaring GBS in the kitchen yesterday while washing the dishes when my roommate asked who they were. You've got to be kidding me. I looked at her with my mouth wide open. I grew up with this band and they've been the vital soundtrack of my life for years. Many of their songs bring back specific memories of my life. Isn't it amazing when a song can do that?

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, for example. A beautifully written song, both lyrically and instrumentally. This is one we can all relate to; It was a favorite of all of ours. I'm sure that we all get flashbacks from the elementary school dances in which it was blared over the speakers, as we stood awkwardly waiting for our crushes to ask us to waltz.

75% of my life consists of getting lost in music. Sometimes I'm fairly certain I love it more than art. Music is an art form by itself. I never go anywhere without my iPod in my pocket. One time, I went to the dentist and realized I forget it and a nauseating feeling overtook me. I really felt lost and didn't think I could get through the hour of drilling holes in my mouth without having my music to get soaked up into.

There's a song for every mood you're in. Sometimes I find myself muddling through lyrics of songs on the internet for hours. I've been writing down lines from lyrics of songs in a little black book for years; Each is sorted by different mood categories. There's something comforting about getting lost in lyrics that you can relate to. It's therapeutic. Maybe it's because I find a hard time expressing exactly how I feel into words, and when it's already done for me it's so rewarding.

Music is my way of escaping into another world when I don't want to deal with this one for a little while.

What is art?

2009-02-17T21:00:00.004-04:00

What is art?

My definitions of what art can be have been shaped and hammered over the past three years since I've been here at MtA. For my Fine Arts Seminar class, I have to assemble a presentation on an artist I like, and an artist that I don't like.

I've been pondering a lot about this over the past few weeks, as my opinions have changed and will continue to change throughout my life. I've decided to sort of play on that concept.

Before I came to Mount Allison University, my mind was very one-tracked when it came to art. I was very close minded about anything other than realism. When I was 12 years old, I took private art lessons from Cape Breton artist, Marie Moore every week and continued to do so for seven years. When I first showed up in her art class in 1999, her instructions right away were to rummage through a shelf of photographs, magazines, articles, etc. to find a picture that I liked. Her next instruction was to draw it - "exactly" what I saw. Throughout the seven years with Marie, every week consisted of the same thing. I worked on an image I found on the shelf and would either draw or paint it. Marie taught me to regurgitate on paper and canvas exactly what I saw. Marie taught me to paint and draw like her. Marie taught all her students to paint this way. I was surrounded by artists in my private class who all thought this way. I wasn't exposed to anything else. To me, this is what art was. For years, I would inevitably shut down anything that wasn't representational art. Anything else was absurd and irrational to me; I absolutely hated it...

...until I came here.

When I came here, I was bombarded with other peoples' perspectives on art - including students and professors. I learned about the different movements and styles; at first it was overwhelming but I slowly, but surely, grew a fascination for the different art realms. Now, art to me is about taking risks and exploring outside the box. My art very much became about this. I was influenced, shaped and hammered by the artists around me which has pushed me to experiment. My mind is no longer one-tracked, it branches off onto so many different roads it is staggering... but exciting at the same time.

So, you may or may not be surprised to learn that the artist I'm choosing that I "don't like" is Marie Moore. Who is Marie Moore? If you go in any house around Cape Breton you will find at least one Marie Moore print. She paints what the public likes... what the public likes to hang above their fireplaces. She succumbs to the pressures of society to make a living. She very much works within her box. She bases her art on nostalgia, creating paintings that people in Cape Breton can relate to; The Fortress of Louisbourg, The Canso Causeway, Moxham Castle, etc.

But who is Marie Moore? You look at one if her prints, and you see just what it is... a pretty picture, a realistic depiction of Sydney's famous castle... but who is Marie Moore? She in no way conveys herself, feelings or emotions into her artworks. It is what it is. Realistic depictions. Sure, they may be aesthetically pleasing but for the most part it stops there. There's no gazing at works like these and getting lost in them. The process of admiring works like these stops at the surface. The conclusion is already drawn and mapped out for you. You have nothing to interpret.

I'd rather paint what I want rather than what the public wants. I, now, believe that art loses some sort of value after it has been reprinted hundreds of times. Even browsing numerous Facebook photo albums, I see Marie Moore prints hung out over peoples' walls. But WHO is Marie Moore?

Art to me, now, is about taking risks... is about painting more than what you see. It's about painting how you feel, and if people can appreciate art driven on this level than that's truly an accomplishment for its maker. I've learned that I will do everything in my power not to succumb to the pressures of society, painting what other people want. I will paint what I want, and if people love that - then that's amazing.

He's Just Not That Into You

2009-02-13T15:37:00.002-04:00

If you ask any of my friends what something is that I speak passionately about they will jokingly answer, "He's Just Not That Into You"; however, it's not quite a joke. You've probably seen the trailers for the movie that has just been released but I wouldn't recommend seeing it. It was nothing compared to the book. Oh, that book.

I will preach to every girl - single or taken - to go out and buy this book. It completely changed my perspective on guys and relationships and myself. It really opened up my eyes and made me analyze my past relationships. That book transformed me into an independent woman in three days. I actually bought four copies of it to loan out to my girlfriends who then loan it out to their girlfriends. The majority of straight females will agree that men are one of our top major annoyances (retract your claws, boys... I know it works both ways).

Have you ever stayed up all night, staring at your phone or computer.. anxiously waiting for a text, or message from your guy? Are you sick and tired of the games? I used to be one of those girls (inevitably) until I read the book. "If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, it's probably because he doesn't give a shit." Realize it, embrace it, move on! Read the book. Read the book. Read the book.

A little taste:

Dear Greg, This is dumb. I know you're not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don't care! I don't want to play games. I do whatever I want! I've called guys tons of times. You're such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can't call guys and ask them out? Nikki

Dear Nikki,

Because we don't like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they're just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don't be mad at me, Nikki. I'm not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

Or maybe you're the chosen one.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children — sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.

IT'S SO SIMPLE

Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be." I know it's an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.

***

Now go buy the book:)

shuffle shuffle shuffle

2009-02-12T10:33:00.003-04:00

I was thankful this morning when I walked outside and my eyeballs didn't freeze. I breathed a breath of fresh air and smiled. I stepped one foot off my step and onto my paved driveway, which was no longer covered in snow. I took another step. One more. BOOM! I fell. I cringed and picked myself back up. The walk to the end of the driveway was completely treacherous as I shuffled my feet along what seemed to be continuous black ice. When I finally made it to the road, I thought perhaps they may have been salted but the rest of the journey to class was continuous shuffling and slipping along the way.

I was thankful I wasn't the only one catching a breath with each step, as I peered around at cautious students around me shuffling their feet slowly but surely in front of them.

Now, I sit in the library cafe peering out the window, having a clear view of shuffling feet around campus. My heart stops and my gaze locks as ever so often as a student will jog in a hurry to their next class. I have an hour and a half until my next class but there's no way I'm journeying home. I find it easier to stay on campus in between classes anyway. There are many places to go including the library, meal hall, and the student center cafe. If I go home, it's more tedious and harder to make myself go to the rest of the day's classes. It's easier to stay motivated and in work-mode if I stay in a working environment until my day of classes ends.

I have one more week of classes left before I go home for spring break. Well, it's not actually "spring" break because it's not spring. I have one more week of classes left before I go home for reading week. Well, it's not actually "reading" week because I won't be doing much reading. I have one more week of classes left before I go home for a week of relaxation. Much better. I plan on drilling myself this weekend and all of next week so I don't have to worry about any projects or work while I'm home. I don't have any set plans for the break. I hate making plans. I find if make plans, the break will inevitably fly by and I won't do much relaxing. I need relaxing; that's for sure.

I cannot believe it will be March when I get back to Sackville. MARCH. Do you know what that means? Basically, there will be only one full month left of classes. April will fly by because there are less than two weeks of classes before exams start. I only have one exam because I'm in Fine Arts. Don't get me wrong. Portfolio works are just as tedious and hard work as studying for exams, but I'm certainly not complaining. I have two portfolios - one for Open Media and one for Painting. I also have a take home exam for Art History. THEN IT'LL BE SUMMER! Oh summer, how I love thee.

I plan on traveling to San Francisco this summer. I have a friend that lives there so it's the perfect opportunity to go. The easy part is planning it out. The hardest part is finding someone who will commit to go with me. It's easy to mutter the words, "Yes, I'll go to California!" but it's very difficult for me to believe those words. I get excited, talking to friends about potential trips but the difference between me saying I'll commit and the majority of my friends saying they'll commit, is that I'm actually driven to follow through with the plan. I'm hoping my boyfriend will follow through on going with me, as I know we'd have a blast if we both went. So, I'm beginning to plan out the trip as if it were a definite decision; hopefully he'll get excited about it and not back out!

Anyway, I'm going to go do some reading before I set out to shuffle to my next class.

Take care!

Blame it on the lack of an umbrella.

2009-02-11T17:46:00.008-04:00

Me (bitter about the Groundhog Day results): Damn groundhog.
Dad: Blaming it on the animal, eh?
Me: Well, yes.
Dad: If it had an umbrella, it wouldn't have been scared by its shadow. So don't blame it on the animal, blame it on the lack of an umbrella.

It's safe to say I'm fed up with it being winter. Words cannot describe the hatred I have for snow and I'm really hungering for summer to get here... or at least warmer weather.

There is nothing good about snow or winter.

It is wet, cold, and slippery.
You have to shovel it.
It can lead to frostbite.
It makes the bottom of your jeans all wet.
It makes your socks wet.
It makes your lips chapped and hands dry.
If you're planning to travel, excessive snow can ruin your plans.

So, what are the advantages of snow? Snow is nice to look at for most people, and you can ski or snowboard. THE CONS OUTWEIGH THE PROS, PEOPLE!

There is way more to look forward to thinking about the summer, than the winter. Can you argue that? No. You know I'm right.

I guess I look forward to summer most because of the summer camp I work at, Mira Pines Camp. I was a camper at this particular camp for seven years and when I was too old to go there, I volunteered. I've worked there my past two summers and I absolutely love it. If you've never worked at a summer camp, it's an experience worth living.

Even if you've never done the whole camp thing before, you should do it! There's a camp in Pennsylvania I applied for last year online. It's called Tyler Hill Camp. I got a call back two days after I applied and they ended up hiring me. I didn't have the heart to leave Mira Pines so I turned it down. But if you're interested in working at a summer camp, you should look into Tyler Hill or its companion camps. They cover your cost of everything (fight, food, etc.) and if you watch the video clips you'll be blown away.

I definitely suggest seriously thinking about it and applying! There's no better feeling than knowing you've helps kids have the best summer of their lives. A lot of people don't want to "sacrifice" their summers because you "work" everyday.

This was the issue with my best friend, Dan. He was interested in Mira Pines because he'd heard me talk a lot about it and he was thinking about applying; however, he was worried most about giving up his whole summer. I promised him that if he worked there, it would be the most memorable summer of his life. He was also worried because he had never gone to a camp before, nor had he worked at one. I told him that he'd catch on quickly and learn to love it instantly.

Dan, in the middle of a waterfight at camp.

It was also his first time in a canoe!

I was right. Dan will tell everyone that the summer of '08 was the best summer of his life, because he was introduced to camp. At the camp that we work at, you go home Friday, have Saturday off, and go back on Sunday. It's like this for the whole summer. Last summer was the most memorable summer for me because it was the year the camp staff was the closest. We became best friends and when we weren't at camp, we were hanging out with each other on our days off. We couldn't get enough of each other and it was terribly sad when we had to part at the end of August. But even today, we're still all extremely close and call each other best friends.

My boyfriend and I met at Mira Pines. Here's us and our campers.

Half of the staff hanging out on our Saturday off. We couldn't get enough of each other!

So, I've decided that next groundhog day I will be waiting outside the groundhog's little hut with an umbrella to shield the sun...

The Thoughts of a Turtle are Turtle.

2009-02-01T21:06:00.004-04:00

OK! So, I told you I was going to show you the painting I'm submitting for "The Sweetest Little Thing". Here it is. Its title is, "The Thoughts of a Turtle are Turtle."

I have grown a somewhat obsession with turtles lately and I decided that I want to paint them. So, I started here.

If you check on The Sweetest Little Thing website that I posted two entries back, it's there and currently stands at a bid of $10!

scarves, scarves, and more scarves

2009-01-29T19:58:00.004-04:00

Let's say you're that kind of person who gets excited when the lights flicker at night while the throbbing wind beats against your window, mid-storm. It howls while blankets of snow fall from the sky, decreasing the visibility to zero. You peak outside your window and shiver, inevitably envisioning yourself in this blizzard. The weatherman casts warnings all over the television, internet and radio... and you can't help but to get your hopes up that perhaps the following day will be a snow day. You can't help but to think that maybe, just maybe, classes will be canceled and you'll be able to sleep a few more precious hours.

If you are that kind of person, I suggest you change. Classes will never, ever, ever be canceled as long as you're in university. Ok, I won't say never. SELDOM! Throughout my three years here at MtA, classes may have been canceled twice.

So, before you head off to university you should probably buy some snowshoes or ridiculously high snow boots to assist while you truck through the snow. While you're at it, perhaps you can also buy a shovel so you can shovel your path on the walk to class. Oh! Don't forget salt. You don't want to trip and fall, so you should definitely have salt to sprinkle in front of you before each step.

You think I'm being hilarious and for the most part, I am. But there is some merit to what I'm saying.

Classes will "never" be canceled - this is true. Also, the walkways will never be shoveled and the ice will never be salted. OK, I won't say never. SELDOM! (at least not before 8am, anyway). If you're one of the not-so-lucky ones like me, you'll be cursed with 8:30am classes every morning. I can easily say that campus is NEVER shoveled or salted when the early birds have to fly to their early classes. So, if you happen to be one of the early birds, make sure you take extra precaution.

If you do happen to come to Sackville for school, you can never have too many scarves. Sometimes the temperature drops to minus forty with the windchill. It gets so cold that your eyes inevitably tear up, causing them to freeze. I've walked to class with my eyelids freezing together. It gets so cold that the moisture in your nose freezes. Scarves come in handy to wrap around your face, neck, head, etc. I repeat, you can never have too many scarves!

I'm an overall bitter person when it comes to the cold and especially winter. I was never a child who was really into sledding, snowmen, and snowball fights. I've always hated the cold. In fact, that's a number one reason why I always thought Halloween should've been in the spring or summer. I don't remember one year where I enjoyed trick or treating. I absolutely hated having to walk from house to house while the freezing cold October breeze stung my face. I'd wince in pain while I begged my older sister to take me home.

So, while people get excited about the first snowfall of the year I desperately want to cry. While people pray and beg for a snowstorm, I cringe because all I can think about is walking to classes the next day in two feet of snow. While people happily trot through the snow, playfully throwing snow balls at each other, I concentrate very hard on teleporting into my warm house.

Let's go over essentials for university:

drop the 'when it snows, school is canceled' mentality
buy snowshoes, or tall winter boots
get a snow shovel and ice salt
scarves, scarves, and more scarves

The Sweetest Little Thing

2009-01-27T15:57:00.004-04:00

Well it's almost that time of the year again, folks!
The day that is equally loved and hated. Valentine's Day. Some people may argue that it is a day that is too forced and over commercialized. I agree that the idea behind Valentine's Day is overall nice, but its hype has inevitably led to a loss of romance. I, for one, would better appreciate a flower or card from my boyfriend on a random day, rather than on a set day. A random thoughtful act, in my opinion, is much more appreciated and far more romantic.

However, Valentine's Day has a love-love relationship with people here in Sackville. Every February 14th there's an event held at the Owen's Art Gallery called The Sweetest Little Thing, hosted by Struts Gallery & Faucet Media Arts Centre. It's open for everyone: faculty, staff and the community. Making it a priority for me to attend the last two years, I can promise you it is a lot of fun!

As soon as you walk into the gallery doors, your eyes are bombarded with reds and pinks that people dress themselves in. Some people get really creative with the Valentine's Day spirit and dress vividly. It's a silent art auction with little art pieces, donated by artists, hung along the walls; You simply jot your name and bid price down next to the artwork that you'd like to buy! Artworks can be donated by the third year Fine Arts students at MtA so that means this is my year to submit a piece. I've started working on one, so once I finish I'll be sure to post a picture to show you.

You can read all about it here.

You can also view the submitted artworks online and even bid online! So be sure to drop by the website and check back for my piece or any other artworks that might catch your eye.

At the event, there is also a cake walk with some of the most creative and fun cakes you'll ever see that can be won! There's music, candy, drinks, and lots of fun to be had. So if you ever find yourself in Sackville for Valentine's Day, be sure to come by the Owen's and check it out.

Despite the pros and cons tied to Valentine's Day, I'm a ridiculously sappy person; therefore, this is the kind of holiday I inevitably get soaked up into. You can show appreciation and love for your Valentine without spending a dime. It's so easy to browse the shelves at stores and pick out a teddy bear or box of chocolates. In fact, it's too easy. Don't get me wrong - I, as well as most girls, will easily be swooned by a cute stuffed animal or Hallmark card stating how beautiful our eyes are; however, it can take less effort to make me feel smitten. I'm
going to lead you back to the website, www.lovingyou.com because it has so many creative ideas without having to spend a dime.

So, remember to check out The Sweetest Little Thing if you find yourself in Sackville this year or any other year. Also, remember to check back for my submitted artwork.

Also, remember that Valentine's Day is just another day. So, don't feel down if you don't happen to be spending it with someone else. The idea behind it is to share it with someone you love, so who better to spend it with than some of your closest friends? Get some friends together and go out for a night on the town!

Walk a mile...

2009-01-13T11:02:00.002-04:00

The transition from high school to university was, in many ways, refreshing. It was like the slate was wiped clean and I could be whomever I wanted to be. I didn't have to worry about any more drama erupting which so often happened in high school. I didn't have to worry about cliques, or bullying because none of that exists anymore. That's what I hated most about high school - the constant "grouping" of people and how people thought they were superior to others. To me, popularity doesn't exist and never has... but it wasn't always that I saw life in this perspective.

***

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

She stood in the cafeteria line, conscious of her surroundings, yet wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. She shifted her weight from foot to foot. She kept her head down and continuously coughed to rationalize her silence. I watched as she tried to make conversation with a group of girls in front of her. I could tell she worked up a lot of courage to get words out, only to get shut down. They rejected her, thinking they were superior and this girl didn't live up to the privilege to be talked to. I watched this girl and my heart ached for her.

I had seen her in the hallway, alone. I had seen her eating lunch a few times, alone. So here she was again, in the lunch line, alone. I tapped her on the shoulder and smiled, "I really like your sweater! Where'd you get it?" She looked down and stuttered over her words. I could tell in her voice she was emotionally damaged. I continued to make conversation with her and she left the lunchline with a smile on her face.

I was glowing inside, knowing that I shon a little light on her day.

So what is popularity? Why do people feel superior than others? Why do people look down upon others? So, some people wear hand-me-downs, and maybe don't wear makeup. Is that any reason to snub them in the hallway or bully them?

I think I just realized this recently. I mean, everyone realizes it but never does anything to make it better. So, how about not being one of those people who look down at others? Why not partner up with that person in Biology class who sits in the corner? That person who always gets picked last for teams... why not pick that person first? Why not go out of your way to smile and say hi to a person who looks like they need it. It could make their day a whole lot better, maybe even their life.

So before you make fun of that person who doesn't quite seem to fit in, put yourself in their shoes... and maybe you should talk to them, instead of talking about them. Let them know you care.

I care. Do you?

A Little of This & That

2009-01-11T18:10:00.001-04:00

It certainly feels good to have the slate wiped clean and start fresh this semester. After my first week of classes, I'm feeling enthusiastic and motivated to stay on top of things. I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy all my classes, as long as I keep up with the work.

It can be extremely easy to fall off track, and sometimes it can be even easier to stay off track, than to go through the effort of getting back on again. When you're in university, you're not under the constant supervision of your parents (or other guardians), so you inevitably feel tempted to do things you may not have been able to do when you were still at home. You may feel tempted to watch an excessive amount of TV, go out and "party" more often than you should, stay up late, and sleep in late.

It's extremely important that you don't get caught up in all of that and that you keep in mind why you're in university in the first place. You're there to get a degree, so keep focused on that goal. There's nothing wrong with watching television, partying, staying up late or sleeping in, but make sure you get your work done first. You'll enjoy your "extracurriculars" so much better when you're not trying to repress your stress due to the work you haven't done yet!

Putting aside an hour each day to do your work, is much better than leaving it go until the weekend and rushing to get it finished before your class. You'll feel great having done it way in advance!

***

I signed my lease for my apartment next year. Leah (my current roomie) and I are living with my other friend, France. I'm excited because it's about seven minutes closer to campus than where I am at now, and it's also a short walk to the grocery store. We took a tour of the three-person place and we fell in love with it instantly. It's perfectly cozy and we're anxious to move in. It's also a lot cheaper than my rent now and everything is included in the monthly fee; therefore, a lot of my current stress will be diminished because I won't have to worry about dishing out money for separate bills every few weeks.

It'll be May before we know it and I'll be moving in to the new place. I can't believe the first semester is over already. I'm so much closer to entering my last year here at Mount A. Spring break will be flying around the corner in no time; although, it's technically not "spring" break because it's still winter. So, I'll refer to it as "reading week" as that is what it's officially known as. I have no big plans for reading week, but I do know that I'll be going home to the Cape.

***

I'm going to do something a little different for my next blog. It will be a "pictorial blog" where the whole thing will basically be narrated in pictures. I'm doing this, so you'll get a better idea of what my life is like here at MtA, and really get a feel for it through my eyes.

Take care, folks!
Remember to e-mail me if you have any questions or just want to chat.

Long Distance Relationships

2009-01-06T10:40:00.002-04:00

Whether you are thinking of coming to Mount Allison specifically, you may have to deal with saying goodbye to the one you love and making the difficult transition to a long distance relationship.

There are many different opinions about LDR's; you'll find 50% of people who are for them, and the other 50% who don't feel as though they work out. You can't really base your own relationship on other peoples' previous ones, or even your past relationships. It's important not to draw associations between the person you're currently seeing, and past failed relationships.

LDR's are more likely to last nowadays with the multiple opportunities available to strengthen the relationship even though you're separated by distance. I'll give you a little advice on how to help you and your loved one pull through what can be a really tough time. I'm currently in a long distance relationship, so I'll give you an inside perspective on something that may very well be imminent for you. The first thing you have to do is sit down with your partner and establish if you want to continue on into a LDR. You have to decide on whether it's worth it. Maybe reading what I've written will help you draw that conclusion.

I'll tell you the first thing that is vital and that is positivity. If you go into the LDR with doubts, then that's all you're going to be concentrating on and it will cause strain on your relationship. There's really no reason for it not to work out, so if you think positively, your thoughts will be rewarded. The second thing that's important is 100% of effort from both you and your boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not fair for one person to be putting in all the effort while the other is not. It's something that's hard on both of you, so you need each other to pull through it.

The third necessity is trust. Due to the distance and being separated, your behaviors can't be monitored, therefore a higher degree of trust is required. So, before you part, make sure you sit down and have a talk about the trust in your relationship.

The fourth condition is communication. Technology has made it possible for couples to keep in touch, through phone calls, texting, online chatting, web cameras, e-mail, etc, so this is something you should take advantage of.

So, now that we've gone over what's important, I'm going to give you specific ideas to help you through it.

1. Date Nights - even though you and your partner may live hours away you can still go on dates. My boyfriend and I have webcam dates, where the prep is as normal as a regular date. We'll state a specific day and time, and then we'll "meet". We do different things such as play online games, or watch videos together. Even though we are apart, we're still sharing a moment together.

2. Express Your Feelings - letting your partner know how you feel and how you feel about them is vital in order for your relationship to grow and stabilize, as well as strengthen. This also provides reassurance for your partner, showing that you're committed to them and to making the relationship work.

3. Care Packages - a surprise package is always something special to let your partner know you've been thinking of them. It doesn't have to be something you do often, just occasionally. Some ideas you can include are:
- Books
- Music
- Phone card
- Stuffed animal
- Hershey's Hugs & Kisses
- Flowers
- Poem or letter
- Picture of you

The list is endless, and there are websites that give you many ideas. One website I often refer to is www.lovingyou.com. The more personal you make the gift, the bigger affect it will have when it's received.

4. Never Assume - always be clear about your feelings for one another and never make assumptions. Making assumptions can add stress and potentially ruin your relationship. Always share your feelings and encourage your partner to do the same. This will allow you both to strengthen your communication skills and allow you to grow closer together.

As much as there are negative aspects and challenges to LDR's, it can really be a positive situation as well. You will appreciate your time that you do share together more, and you'll inevitably grow stronger. Just think, if you can conquer this difficult time together, you'll be able to do anything!

Christmas in the Cape

2008-12-25T02:44:00.003-04:00

Hello there!
I hope everyone's holiday break is going great. It seems like I've been moving nonstop since I've been home. I'm constantly on the go with plans, trying to see and hang out with everyone I love. However, it feels so amazing to be home and to be finally relieved of school related stress.

So, the 18th was my 21st birthday and it was the first time I really celebrated my birthday in years. We had two nights of celebrating; The first, we all went out to the town bar which was chaotic because everyone was home for the holidays. It was so jam packed but so much fun because I saw so many friends I hadn't seen in, what seems like, forever. The following day, I had a little get together at my house where we all played board games and had some casual drinks. It was a lot of fun!

My best friend, Lana, and I before we went out for my first birthday celebration.

Playing Apples to Apples - our favorite game.

My most epic birthday cake (TWILIGHT!)

I can't believe it's Christmas Eve already. I'm hiding out in my room, fighting the temptation to go out and see if "Santa" has arrived yet. It has been a little difficult getting into the Christmas spirit this year because it's a little different than years before. Since I could remember, my sister and I would always watch Christmas movies, play cards, drink hot chocolate, say our prayers, and then go to sleep, anxious as ever to wake up. It's a little different now that my sister is married, and has a baby... so I'm still adjusting to new holiday traditions. It's my nephew's second Christmas and I'm so excited to see the look on his face when he wakes up tomorrow morning. I am excited for and love that I can relive the spirit of Santa Claus for him.

My nephew, Nathan

It was a fun-filled day full of family togetherness. My boyfriend came over and we exchanged gifts. Then we all plunked our rumps on the floor and played board games for the night. Christmas music sounded over the speakers; Sipping on my eggnog and being surrounded by the ones I love allowed me to inevitably get soaked up into the holiday spirit. After all, that is what it's all about.

Meet my boyfriend, Liam

This was us hanging out earlier tonight

I was so impressed with my wrapping skills, I decided to document it.

Tomorrow will play out like it usually does. My sister will wake up first and wake everybody else up. My brother will wake up, but not hop out of bed for at least an hour after us. We'll root through our stockings and start organizing gifts into piles. Dad will start making breakfast and the aroma of bacon will make my stomach growl. We'll put on a Christmas movie while we open gifts and exchange hugs. Then we'll go up my aunt's and uncle's for Christmas supper. I cannot wait for turkey!

I'm going to try to get some sleep now because the sooner I get to sleep the sooner I'll be eating turkey dinner.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Living Off and On Campus

2008-12-14T19:07:00.003-04:00

This is my first year living off campus, and while it has its perks compared to residency, there are some things you should consider when deciding whether or not you want to make the move to your own place.

I moved around a bit my first two years at Mount Allison, trying to find a residence which best fit my needs and personality. I moved from Windsor, to Harper, to Campbell, and I'm now living with three roommates a short distance from campus.

Mine and Leah (my roommate)'s room in Windsor Hall my first year at MtA.

Leah and I are best friends here at MtA, and we're roommates living off campus this year!

First let's outline the pros of living in residence:

It's certainly a great way to meet a lot of people and you quickly become close to neighbors and floor friends.

These residences are basically big houses with students close to your own age; they are full of student activities which seem to be going on constantly, giving you many chances to get out and socialize with your peers.

It's also convenient being a short distance from the university buildings, so your classes are only a few short strides away.

You pay the residence fee up front and it's done with. You don't have to worry about rent, water, electricity or cable bills.

Free wireless internet all over campus.

The cafeteria has food already cooked for you; maybe not quite what mom makes, but, all you have to do is show up and eat it whenever you need to. At Mount Allison, you can stop by any hour of the day between opening hour and closing hour, unlike many other university cafeterias which are only open during specified meal times.

It's a real university experience living on campus and it can be a real blast!

Now, let's take a look at the cons:

Because you're living with such a large number of students, it can be quite noisy - especially on weekends.

"Quiet hours" don't take place outside your window late at night and there can be quite a disturbance during the weekends. If you’re like me, and you need your beauty rest, consider thick earplugs!

Depending on which residence you live in, rooms can be quite small and you don't usually have a choice about whom your roommate will be.

Meal hall may not make food that you particularly like.

There are restrictions and rules that you must abide by. Such rules include the number of guests you're allowed in your room and how long they're allowed to stay, and things you can and can't do in your room.

With an exception to the bathroom suites in Campbell hall, you share communal bathrooms with the other students. You may, at times, be competing for a shower!

Pros of living off campus:

It is your first step into adulthood, responsibility and independence. You're finally on your own in our own house managing your own bills. You're finally an adult!

You get to decide with whom you want to live, and where, exactly, you want to live.

There is lots more room, depending upon where you live, of course, and you have more personal space than just your bedroom, unlike being in residence.

You get to decide what you want to eat! But, then you may find it is a nuisance having to cook when you have a lot of work to do. Also, you now have to purchase groceries. You may find yourself calling home to find out how to cook what may have seemed like simple food when you lived home; now it’s a little more complicated! Bless you, dad! I didn’t realize.

There is less competition for a shower and you don't have to worry about wearing flip flops.(as long as you keep your shower clean!)

You don't have to worry about the noise of hundreds of students inside and outside your home.

You don't have to worry about fees if you accidentally break a house rule. The only rules are the ones you and your roommates set for yourselves. But of course, you still have to be responsible! There is a damage deposit to pay!

Cons of living off campus:

Living off campus usually means walking a further distance to your classes. An extra five or ten minutes might not seem that bad... until it's pouring rain or snowing out. The wind can be nasty, too!

Did I mention you have to get your own groceries which means dishing out money every few weeks... and walking or getting a cab with the many groceries which didn’t seem that expensive when you lived at home!

You also have to take care of bills every month such as rent, electric, oil, cable and internet. It can be stressful with the continuous handing over of money, while in residence, the fee is taken care of right away.

Most leases are 12 months, which basically means unless you can get someone to sublet, you're paying rent for the four months you're not attending classes in Sackville (unless you decide to stay for whatever reason.)

You have to find time to do things that would be normally done for you if you were in residence such as cleaning the house, washing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom.

You have to pay for toilet paper... which goes fast especially if you're living with roommates. It seems a bit extreme to take your own roll every time you go so that might be another thing worth discussing with them prior to living together.

So, I hope I've shed a little light on any questions you may have had about living on or off campus. If you do have any other questions, feel free to give me a shout anytime and I'll be happy to help you out!

Happy Holidays!

The Fine Arts World

2008-12-09T17:52:00.002-04:00

So, I thought I'd give you a little insight into the Fine Arts world. The Fine Arts program is much different than any other program here at MtA, from what I can gather anyway.

The classmates you start out with in first year, are the same fresh faces you see everyday for the following three years after that; therefore, you inevitably grow close to friends who quickly become like family.
The professors insist that you call them by their first names; therefore, you interact with them on a less intimidating level and on a more personal one. They really are more like your best friends that you look up to, than "professors".
Your three hour studio classes will become your favorite classes. It's in this time that you work independently, grow as artists and as individuals. It's in this time that you see how talented your fellow classmates are and they'll motivate you on more levels than you could ever imagine.
You have class "critiques" which are basically discussions. You learn so much from these because your classmates and professors give you feedback on your artwork.
"The couches" are something you will become familiar with, as this is the place where you and your classmates will sprawl out over during your breaks.
As long as the weather permits, you do your classes outdoors. You gather your drawing board and drawing utensils and head out onto the green grass to draw some beautiful Sackville scenery!
If you're like me, you like to listen to music while drawing, painting, etc. which isn't discouraged! You can bring your iPod to hook up to the sound system in the classroom, or your headphones to listen on your own.
Your homework is everything less than just that - "work". Let's face it, this is something you love to do, so it's something that is less of a chore and more of a creative challenge. It's not as tedious as what you'd normally think of as homework.
There are so many artistic events going on each week, such as concerts and art shows! There are so many opportunities to get out there and see other artists' work, as well as opportunities to showcase some of your own artwork.
Like I mentioned, there are many opportunities to exhibit your art in art shows, so this means you can even sell some of your work!

This is the third year Drawing and Painting studio.

In your first year, you start off tasting a bit of everything on the plate: Drawing, Painting, Photography, Sculpture and Printmaking. All of these studio classes are three hours long. Drawing and Painting are held in the same classroom, while there are specific studios for Photography, Printmaking and Sculpture. In your second year, you basically choose two areas of concentration. Drawing is mandatory so everybody takes this, but you have to choose two out of the other four. I chose Painting and Photography so these will be my concentrations for the rest of my time here at Mount Allison, unless I choose to switch for whatever reason. In your second and third year you usually share a studio space with someone else, but in your fourth year you work independently in your own studio.

Also, instead of exams, we have portfolios which are equally as strenuous but a little less tedious. I'm actually in the process of working on my Photography portfolio so I better go continue that!

Ciao!

Busy as a bee... or maybe three.

2008-12-03T22:31:00.005-04:00

I'm currently sitting at my kitchen table surrounded by various assortments of energy drinks, my class notes and munchies to get me through the night.

I'm busy as a bee... or maybe three. I'll post as soon as my workload diminishes!

Take care, folks.

Classical Gas

2008-11-23T18:50:00.003-04:00

Isn't it amazing the power that is withheld within a song? And isn’t it amazing how one specific song, can inevitably snap you back into a certain memory? And just by listening to that one specific song and being brought back to this certain memory, you can remember e x a c t l y how you felt at that e x a c t moment?
Classical Gas by Eric Clapton.

We're driving down a long stretch of road, my father and I. We have our fishing rods in the trunk and the cooler packed with lunches my mother has made for us. Dad flips the cassette tape over to side A and punches it into the player. Classical Gas starts playing and it's the first time I get lost in a song. My father and I sit in silence, listening, full of anticipation, thinking about our next scheduled stop to cast our rods.
There's a feeling of comfort I get every time I hear this song. It's the same feeling I got the first time Dad played it for me. That same feeling of anticipation and anxiousness consumes me every time I bump into this song.

Anytime I go on a road trip, I tend to switch this song on and put on repeat for a while. It allows me to escape into that memory of my father and me. It allows me to escape from any stress that may be going on in my life. Stress is certainly inevitable in university, but it's not always a bad thing. It really allows you to push yourself to meet all your expectations and your goals. But it's most definitely normal to want to escape for a while, and that's exactly what I did this weekend.

Classical Gas led me on the long stretch of road to Moncton. My cousin, Meghan and I had bought tickets to see Twilight. (Reading is also an easy escape and one of my favourites.) The Twilight series has certainly become a favourite time passer for all my friends and me. My seven best friends and I worked at a children's camp in the summer time; the kids would always be talking about Edward and Bella, who we later learned were characters in Stephanie Meyer's books, which they were obviously obsessed with. So, my seven best friends and I decided to read the books and quickly became addicted to the lives of Edward and Bella. Go buy the books! Now! You'll love them and then go watch the movie. It was simply amazing.

Here we all are!

According to www.voguecinema.ca (Sackville's movie theatre) Twilight is going to be shown; however, being a huge Twilight fan, I refused to wait any extra days to see it on the big screen. I'll admit I'm excited for it to come to The Vogue though, because I'll, without a doubt, see it again. Going to see a movie at The Vogue during the weekend (or week!) is also a great escape and source of entertainment in Sackville. They have midnight movies on Fridays for only two bucks which are always a treat to get out and see!

So, now I'm sitting in the bus terminal with my Twilight movie stub in my pocket, ready to stick on my bulletin board where I stuff most of my memorabilia. So, here I sit with my iPod in my hand, headphones in ears, waiting for Eric Clapton to take me back to Sackville...

2008-11-12T09:26:00.000-04:00

I sat in the new campus pub with two of my roommates, getting soaked up into the musical talent I never knew Sackville had so much of. My roommate, Eric was performing for the Conduct Becoming Songwriter's Competition so we went to support him. I was blown away by everyone's unbelievable voices and instrumental skills. I was blown away by how effortless it was for them to get up in front of a crowd and perform so flawlessly. My toes actually grew numb, as I watched in awe.

My roomie, Eric, performing.

I could easily tell how passionate the performers were about their music, as it was reflected in how they, themselves, got lost in their performance. I sat, mesmerized, getting lost in their performances also. I was ecstatic I was able to go out and experience this, but sad that many others had not. I think it's important to go out and support your fellow classmates and see the talent they really have. So next time you have the opportunity, definitely do it!

I think it's important to be passionate about something. Whether it be, schoolwork.. or a hobby. ANYTHING! It's fortunate for me that what I'm most passionate about is, both, my schoolwork and my hobby. Art. There's nothing more satisfying than slipping on my headphones, picking up a paintbrush and getting lost into the brush strokes I lay against my canvas. It amazes me how how I've learned since I've been here. It's really incredible having the opportunity to be in an artistic environment, surrounded by talented artists - both my professors and my classmates - e v e r y d a y. I've inevitably learned so much, adapting new styles and whipping up motivation for myself. I look back on artwork I've done before I came to Mount A and I realize how much I've learned here. I really couldn't imagine any place else being more perfect to grow as an individual and as an artist.

I find it hard to believe that I'm in my third year already. I really find it it hard to believe that I'll be graduating next year. I remember on the first day of class in first year, my professor was telling us that our time here at MtA will fly by and to make the best of it. He told my classmates and I that each year will go by faster than the one before it. It is so bizarre how true this really is.

We'll be getting our first snowfall before we know it. We can always expect a lot of it here in Sackville. I love that feeling that accompanies the first snowfall. Excitement fills up inside of me as I peer out the window, gazing out upon the big white fluffs of snow that fall from the sky. Ah yes, that feeling of Christmas in the air. Christmas break will be here before we know it. My last exam is early this semester so I have about three weeks to spend at home in Cape Breton for the break.

It may not be beginning to look a lot like Christmas, but it certainly is beginning to feel like it. I foresee the coldness of the wind stinging my face on the walk to class...

It's time to bundle up and head off to the studio. Talk to you later folks!