It's after two in the morning and I just finished chowing down a bowl of delicious Kraft Dinner. Ah, yes... it's that time of the season for all-nighters, powered by Redbull, consisting of non-stop studying and note-writing (and/or painting).
At the end of every semester, my body is triggered off schedule; I find it almost impossible to sleep comfortably... or at all. I lay in bed, for hours, tossing and turning, thinking of all the work I could be doing. It's not that I don't want to sleep. I love sleep and if I could sleep I most certainly would. But I just can't. I've tried, trust me. I'm physically and mentally exhausted but as soon as my head hits the pillow I immediately transform into the Energizer Bunny, hungry for activity.
So, I can either lay in bed - restless - for the majority of the night... or I can stay up and be productive.
Exam period, for me, is like every night is Christmas Eve and no matter what I can't do, I CANNOT sleep. I'm certainly not excited for anything. Wait. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just so excited for my work to be finished, for me to travel home and for Santa to come.
I can almost see the finish line... it's just buried in a mountain of notes and half painted canvases. Oh yes, that's what it's like. Alright, let me put it another way:
You're asleep and dreaming. You're trying to get to the end of the hallway to exit the door. You're walking and the door keeps getting farther away. You run, but you can't fun fast enough. It feels as though a massive thousand-pound weight is holding you back. Why?
You're asleep and dreaming. Someone is chasing you. You try to fly. You usually succeed in flying for leisurely purposes; However, the one time you actually need to get away... you lack your flying abilities. They've diminished. You can only float up a few feet off the ground before the bottoms of your feet pitter-patter against the gravel again. Why?
You're asleep and dreaming. You meet someone famous. You're excited. You can't believe it. You try to find a pen to get an autograph. The pen is ink-less. You reach for your camera only to realize you'd left it in your dresser drawer. You run back to your house to find it, knowing for a fact that that the camera is there. It's not there. Why?
Now, combine all of those feelings into one and it's exactly what I'm experiencing right now. I'm awake and not happy about it. I'm trying to get work done. Nothing is going my way. I can see the finish line, but no matter what I do I can't get closer to it. I'd love to sleep it all away... but I can't.