Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I dream a dream

I ordered my grad ring today... it's 10K white gold, size 7, has the Flying A symbol, BFA on one side, my graduating year on other, my initials "BMBM" to be engraved on the inside... and it's four hundred bucks.  $405.67 to be exact.  

But, it's something that I'm going to wear with pride for the rest of my life.  It's really sinking in that I'm graduating.  I'm so excited but so stressed at the same time.  I've spent the last few days weighing my options for next year and filling out applications for various schools.  It would be a lot easier if I knew what I wanted to do... but I really haven't the slightest clue.  If only this decision about life was as easy as it was when we were in preschool;  We always knew exactly what we wanted to be when we grew up as we excitedly scribbled it in pictures on construction paper with crayon.  It's funny because that's essentially what I do everyday... "scribble pictures on construction paper with crayon" but it still isn't clear.  I always wanted to be an artist.  That was what I envisioned myself as when I was in preschool; However, I never knew the complexities revolved around wanting to be an artist... and the lack of stability that may or may not accompany it.

So, I'm in school striving to reach that dream that I always imagined for myself... but I'm not entirely sure where to go from here.  I've gone to school, high school, university - all along avoiding the questions I constantly bombard myself with, "Well, Beth... where do you go now? What is it that you want to do?"  I've been plummeting money towards a dream that I already accomplished when I was 6 years old, scribbling drawings on construction paper with crayon.  I am an artist.  I've always been an artist.  Am I more of an artist now than I was then?  If someone gave me a piece of paper and crayon and asked me to draw what I wanted to do with my life would I come up with the same answer?

If I knew what I wanted to be, would this graduating process be a whole lot easier?  I'm not entirely sure that it would be.  Maybe it's not knowing the makes this process and life more interesting.  

How boring life would be if we knew exactly how it was going to play out.  Life can get pretty boring when it's all routine.  It's not knowing that keeps us on the edge of our seats.  When we're watching a movie for the first time it is interesting and captivating because we don't know what's going to happen;  However, a movie becomes less intriguing when you know exactly when you're going to jump and when your emotions are going to be triggered.

Once upon a time I wanted a plan.  I would become reliant on plans that I'd establish for myself.  However, if we have plans and they don't work out the way we want it leads to nothing but disappointment.  So, maybe I should just embrace not knowing and pop some popcorn.  Our life is our own movie and we are the ones creating the script as we go.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Quick Update: NYC

I found in New York what I was hoping to find in San Francisco... a whole lot of motivation.
NYC was imploding with creativity and being in the presence of such fascinating contemporary artwork was inspiring.

We saw a lot of prodigious museums including The Metropolitan, MOMA, The New Museum, Whitney, and The Guggenheim but what really sparked my interest was the Chelsea Galleries.  Chelsea, where we were staying in NY consisted of several streets full of warehouses made into galleries, showcasing contemporary artwork.  It was all new so it captured me in a way that a Degas painting couldn't.  

Elizabeth Peyton is definitely one of my favorite artists, and now: Hope Gangloff.  Peyton does amazing watercolour portraits.  Her artwork is something I keep in mind when I make my own watercolour portraits.  After being introduced to the intense pen marks that make up Gangloff's portraits, I'm motivated to capture that same energy in my own art.

The trip consisted of mostly doing what we wanted on our own time.  We had a lot of time to explore the city and do whatever we wanted.  We explored China town, Little Italy, trekked to the top of the Rockefeller Centre, journeyed through Times Square and shopped on Fifth Avenue.

While eating at The Half King in Chelsea, we noticed that Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl) was eating in the booth behind us.  I approached him with my napkin and pen while my friends hid in their seats and asked him for his autograph.  It was exciting.  I fought every urge to throw up, faint, and salivate in front of him.  I succeeded.  He signed my napkin.  I was happy.  I was on celebrity watch for the rest of the week but all else I saw was The Naked Cowboy, haha.

It was a fantastic trip but certainly exhausting.  I'm glad to be back so I can catch up on all the work I missed.  I can't believe there are only three weeks left in the semester!  THREE WEEKS.  It makes me so excited but I also want to vomit, haha.  I have so much to do before Christmas break comes.

Alright folks,
I better get ready for class!

Take care until next time!