Tuesday, February 16, 2010

the uncomfortable abyss of oblivion

I really can't think of anything but the vast abyss that is laid out in front of me. I hate the fact that it's not even me, standing at the crossroad, forced to make the decision for my future. My future and the decision to travel down either road is in the hands of complete strangers, and I'm not even entirely sure when they're going to make the decision.

While I was standing, staring into the abyss of oblivion, a possibility dawned on me:
What if I don't get accepted anywhere?

That thought had never even occurred to me and the more that thought sinks in, the more nauseous I get. I have to get accepted somewhere or else I'll have to start paying back the copious amount of loans I'd been granted over the past four years. I'm not usually one to wallow in negativity but the realization that it's ultimately not up to me where I go in September is swamping my mind daily.

I have no doubt in the strength of my art portfolio and I'm confident my love for what I do evidently shines through in my artwork; however, I'm just really worried because the competition is tight. I've applied to the Toronto School of Art who accepts about six people for the program I applied to and I've applied to the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design who probably doesn't accept many more than that.

NSCAD would be an ideal choice. Halifax is perfect. My brother and sister live there as well as the vast majority of my friends. I've been to Halifax plenty of times and if I did get accepted into NSCAD, my life and what I want to do is completely laid out for me.
However, if I get accepted into the TSA program there's so much adventure laid out in that option. My life is fairly plain, boring, predictable, comfortable. Lauren Conrad said she wanted to move away from her perfect life to be uncomfortable, and there's something inspiring about this point of view. The more I think about it the more excited I get about the possibility of being in Toronto and the completely different lifestyle I'd be exposed to. Who knows what direction my art would take. It's sort of overwhelming to think about.

If I don't get accepted into any school, maybe I'll just take that leap face first into the abyss of uncomfortable oblivion and move to New York City.

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