Saturday, June 26, 2010

$$$

I never used to let money (or the lack of money) stress me out, but it seems to be sort of inevitable since I've gotten here in Toronto. It was a lot more difficult to find a job here than I thought it was going to be. I dropped off resumes almost everywhere, but with no luck.

Anytime during the school year that I used my credit card for groceries, or shopping, or whatever, I would just put the money right back onto it once I got paid. But now, it's like I feel guilty with every purchase - even if it's a purchase that is a necessity (food, art supplies).

Every weekend there is always something going on. My friends always want to go out, and I don't want to return back to Nova Scotia regretting not going out with these people whom I may never see again. So, I try to convince myself that this summer in Toronto is a once in a lifetime opportunity and that I should live it up, and not let money be an issue. And when I see things from that perspective, I don't feel so stressed; However, I don't think my parents see that things from that perspective. I think they're more stressed about the money I'm spending than I am --- which drives me to frustration... and more stress. It makes me feel guilty every time I transfer money into my account to buy a baguette sandwich for lunch, even though I convince myself that I have to eat.

So, as much as I love Toronto (and I really really do), it's evident that you need a LOT more money to live here than in Sackville or Cape Breton. I just wish I could win money; I would buy a lottery ticket if I wouldn't feel guilty about spending two dollars on it.

I was hoping that since I'm a lifeguard I could easily pick up some shifts at the U of T swimming pool, but they were over staffed and not looking for any more lifeguards.

I was hoping that I could make some money off of my art, but it's way more difficult to get recognition in a big city than a small town.

Sigh. What I really want more than anything right now is a plate of delicious pasta... but I really don't have the money to spend on it.