Travelling

I often find myself sitting in front of the computer, rifling through trip packages and flight sales. A huge part of who I am is wanting to see the world. I figured out that it would be a smart idea to start saving for a trip for two years time. I suggested it to my boyfriend. He paused, staring at the television. I looked at him, "...or do you not want to go?" He was hesitant to respond, which is an evident "no". I looked at him and said, "I am going regardless."

It's sort of a bummer that I'm in a relationship with someone who isn't as passionate about traveling as I am. It would be so fantastic to be able to share those experiences with somebody whom I love, but at the same time - maybe it's not such a bad thing to do those things by myself. It's not just about discovering the world - it's much about discovering myself.

Once you travel anywhere out of where you've lived your whole life, it's a huge wake up call. I recognize that not all people will be able to gain this opportunity and won't thrive to experience the cultures of the world the way that I do. I can't force my boyfriend to travel with me. Maybe he'd much rather spend his money on tangible things. This is how we differ. I would much rather spend my money on experiences and memories to last a lifetime. I don't want to be on my deathbed looking back on my life, regretting not seeing what is out there in the world. And let me tell you, it's a lot!

All over Facebook, I see friends posting albums full of photographs of themselves tanning on beaches down South. This is not the kind of experience I'm talking about. I'm not saying anything bad about people that do that - I'm just saying, I think that vacating to a resort isn't the route to go if you want to experience the many worldly cultures. When you are on a resort like that, you're completely cut off in isolation from the actual place that you're visiting. You don't get a real sense of that place in the least.

Now, my kind of vacation is packing everything I need in a backpack and adventuring through parts of Europe (for example) - experiencing the different cultures that it has to offer. I don't seek a five-star hotel with all-inclusive treats; I'd much rather a hostel filled with other young travellers from all over the world seeking adventure the same way I do - filled with energy, accents, different languages and new friends to make connections with all over the world. Now, that's my kind of vacation!

That's so "gay".

"That's so gay."

GAY IS NOT A SYNONYM FOR SHITTY OR STUPID. If you want to associate something as being stupid or shitty, USE THOSE WORDS - NOT the word "gay".

I'm infuriated with how the word "gay" is used today. "Gay" is absolutely NOT a synonym for stupid. People in today's society have become completely numb to this saying and maybe don't realize it. They let it leave their lips without thinking of the harm built up behind it. When you say that something is "gay", referencing that something is bad - you're inevitably saying that GAY is bad. You're using it as an insult. And when you let that three letter word slip from your lips in that manner, you're throwing homosexuality into a bad or negative category.

Homosexuality is NOT something to be ashamed of. Today, it is an extremely normal and acceptable way of life. It's time that "gay" as a synonym for "stupid" is swiped from everybody's vocabulary. It's time people STOP associating homosexuality as a negative connotation.

I'm not gay, however, I completely accept anyone's decision when it comes to love and whom they're sexually attracted to and who they fall in love with. I believe homosexuality falls under the category of nature, not nurture, and you can't help who you fall in love with and who you're attracted to.

I 100% believe in gay rights and the right to love/marry whomever - male or female - no matter what your sex is.

I still see guys that I graduated with, chatting over Facebook, calling each other "faggots". I've never in my life let that word slip from my lips and never would I let it. It's a homophobic slur against homosexual males. Generally meant as a joke, people don't realize the meaning and impact of their words. Words like "gay" and "faggot" are used WAY too casually. It's time to grow up and knock it off, people.

Gay, lesbian and bisexual teens are up to 4 times more likely to attempt suicide. The number one contributing factor is the feeling of not being accepted. Out of many causes of feeling this way, the abuse of derogatory terms such as "that's so gay" is top ranked.

Seriously folks. Knock it off.

Figuring things out

It's been three weeks since I left Toronto. I feel like when I left Toronto, I left a huge part of me there. My summer there was the most eye-opening experience I've ever had and it truly made me re-evaluate myself. For the first time in my life thus far, I felt like I truly belonged and I felt like I knew what I wanted in my life. The thirteen weeks I was there, I completely reinvented myself and changed, in my opinion, for the better.

The biggest struggle I'm dealing with since moving back, is the loss I feel. I feel like everything I had finally pieced together has fallen apart... and the puzzle pieces I need are back in Toronto. I feel like I've hit a wall and I'm not really sure how to bulldoze it over. Doing my Bachelor of Education is what I wanted, right? Then why do I feel like being here and doing it is a huge step backwards? I need to figure out a way to feel like myself again... the new me...

I miss feeling free, walking through the busy streets with unfamiliar faces. I miss doings things that I've never gotten to do before with people who I never thought I'd be friends with. I miss sailing through Lake Ontario, feeling the rush of the cold breeze hit my face. I miss getting lost on the Toronto Islands, way past the closing time of the ferries, and feeling scared yet completely excited at the possibility of being stranded there. I miss going to Madison's and getting trashed with my best friends... and having to wait for someone who forget their ID - even though I reminded everyone to make sure they had it.

Maybe it's the friends I miss more than Toronto itself. Maybe it was them who helped me realize myself. It was witnessing their care-free attitude and ambition that made me crave to feel like way they do about life. My friends do see me as having ambition and a care-free attitude, but this past summer was the first time I saw myself that way.

I'm remembering the fear I felt when I first got on the airplane - the fear I felt when I had the whole summer ahead of me. I was terrified that I wouldn't meet friends, that it would be a treacherous experience and the worst summer of my life. That was the best part... realizing how oblivious I was to how amazing the risk I was taking would turn out to be.

I think, I need to realize this about my life ahead of me. It's unknown - just like my summer was. Maybe I just have to let it fall into place... and it will be amazing.

Wake up call

Most people, anxious to move from their parents' humble abode and into their own complex, are completely oblivious to the complexities of it all. Think of your life right now if you're still living at home. Your fridge is always full. You can just go grab whatever you want whenever you want. You don't have to worry about having to go get groceries or being able to afford them. You can use the telephone whenever you want - not having to worry about running up the phone bill. You probably leave the bathroom light on without thinking. You probably don't worry about turning off the television when you leave to go eat. I imagine that you just crank up the heat when you're cold in the winter time.

All of these luxuries (yes, trust me... they are luxeries) will fade when you're on your own. One day, it's like the carpet will be yanked from underneath you and you'll see how quickly the scenery changes on the fall down.

You'll have to balance the cost of tuition, books, rent, electricity, phone, cable, internet, and groceries. Note other luxuries not listed above (alcohol, shopping money, money for things like shampoo and toilet paper). You may think it will be a breeze and that you're up for the challenge... but boy, oh boy, you are in for a treat! Perhaps your parents still plan on paying for everything while you're living on your own - but that won't last.

You will quickly develop OCD, making sure all of the lights are turned off (even when you leave the room for a second). You will resort to a sweater (or two or three sweaters) in the wintertime instead of turning up the heat. You will probably even resort to lighting candles for warmth (or at least you should.) As great as living on your own is, it still sucks. Responsibility sure seems like a luxury from the outside, but on the inside it's just a ball of stress that vomits all over you every month when you receive your multiple bills.

Once upon a time, your cell phone was equipped with voice mail, caller ID, unlimited texting and web browsing. As soon as you acknowledge your lack of money, you'll be downgrading your cell phone plan so you can have the extra forty dollars a month to buy food.

Advice? Keep track of it all. There's nothing worse than getting paid and then wondering where the hell all of your earnings went. Buy a notebook and keep track of how your money is divided and how much goes towards what. You will learn to budget and you will also learn how to fight the temptation to buy the new leather boots in the store window when you realize you'd rather not starve. Before you buy something, ask yourself... "Do I need this? Or do I just want it?" There's nothing wrong with treating yourself to a meal out or a night of social drinking every once and a while. But there's a huge problem if you're going out boozing every weekend and you're getting harassed by your landlord to pay the remainder of your apartment rent.

Keep your priorities straight folks! And remember to budget!

Happy living!

A precious memory

Leaving Toronto was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I was in my room, listening to music, when my Irish friends piled into my doorway. Tears clogged my eyes when they handed me over an Irish flag penned up with messages that they each had written out to me. It warmed my heart to see that my friendship meant a lot to them and that they were going to miss me.

This summer was one of the best summers I've ever had and I'm so glad that I decided to go. Saying goodbye to each of my friends from all over the world was harder than I could've imagined. It's seldom that many people can say they spent their summer becoming friends with people from France, Ireland, America, England, Holland and Austria. We were a close-knit group who loved spending time together. So, as devestated as I was that I couldn't go to camp this summer... I'm doubtful that I would've had a better time there. For years, my summers at camp were as good as it got - I couldn't imagine anything better... until now. I'm not sure if I'll ever have a summer as memorable as my summer of 2010.

I thought a part of me would be happy to fly back to Cape Breton. I thought for sure that I would feel right at home driving through the streets of my hometown, right by the ocean. But all I can think of is how much I miss the glowing city of Toronto at night time... and all of my friends that I left behind there. The saddest part of it all is that I know if ever I return to Toronto, it would never be the same. The huge part of why my summer was so unbelievable was because of the people whom I met and spent time with.

So, when I was leaving Toronto... I recognized that it would probably be the last time I would ever have a summer like this. I recognized that a lot of these friends that I've made, I'll probably never see again. It's terribly sad to recognize that my summer of 2010 is just a precious memory that only exists in my mind. It's a memory I'll forever long to escape back into...

Jersey Boys

When I was a child and would see a movie in the cinema that I really loved, I would quickly become obsessed with it. The whole time watching the movie, I would be anxious to hurry up and get home so I could draw pictures of my favourite scenes. I would become obsessed with listening to the soundtrack, learning the lyrics of every song and reciting them even without the help of the background music. I would buy the latest J14 or Bop magazine with pictures of the lead actors and actresses, posting them all over my walls.

This was my personality for a lot of things that I grew passionate about. I haven't experienced this sort of love for something in a long time. Maybe because it's easier to achieve this sort of feeling about something you love when you're a child.

That is... until I saw Toronto's broadway musical number, Jersey Boys. The first time I saw it, I was absolutely blown away. It was brilliant in every way; I hadn't felt this good watching something in a long time. I connected to each of the actors and fell in love with them. I was dancing and singing along to every version of The Four Seasons' songs. I couldn't stop thinking about the show and how great it made me feel; So, I made my boyfriend tag along with me to see it again two months later. I loved it even more the second time. I've downloaded the soundtrack, and every time I hear each song it brings me back to sitting in the broadway theatre and feeling, again, the feelings that shot through my whole body. It's a healthy obsession, really.

If ever I'm in a bad mood, I just have to listen to the songs and I'm instantly dancing. I contacted Jeff Madden, the actor who portrayed Franki Valli in the show, and told him I would be ecstatic if I could meet him and the boys, get a few pictures and autographs. It's pretty much exactly equivalent to my 12 year old self meeting the J14 poster boy. I was touched when Jeff responded almost instantly. It's so great when someone so talented and admired is humble and reaches out to their fans.

So, you only have a few more weeks to see Jersey Boys - so if you're in the Toronto area, you absolutely HAVE to see it! I promise you that you won't regret it.

Burst your bubble

Yesterday was a beautiful day and I found myself walking through High Park, feeling like I was 100km away from the city. The sun's rays were massaging my skin and I breathed in the saturated aroma of assorted flowers and a campfire nearby. I paused in my footsteps and realized I was feeling a bit nostalgic. For the first time since I'd arrived in Toronto, I was missing home. The only thing I was missing was the sound of crashing waves against the shore and the smell of sea salt.

Near the campfire, kids were singing and playing games and then it really dawned on me; it wasn't just home I was missing - it was camp. It's the first summer since I was nine years old that I'm not counting down the days to when I start packing to escape. It's the first summer in three years that I'm not spending my entire summer making bracelets, canoeing, singing campfire songs every night, and working with seven people who quickly become my best friends.

Camp is a memory I'll always escape back into triggered by the smell of sunscreen lotion, campfire, chicken noodle soup, pine trees, sea salt, and that musky smell your clothes get when they've been wet and lying on the floor for awhile.

Camp is a memory I'll always escape back into triggered by the sound of birds chirping much earlier before the sun rises, the laughter and chit-chatter of a crowded cafeteria room, the crick-crackling of a campfire burning, and the summer peeper's singing in the nighttime.

Initially, I thought I was completely comfortable with not going back to camp. I was ready to say goodbye and was confident that my last summer working there would be my last. But now, I find myself wanting to escape back into that place; I'm not just accidentally stumbling upon the smells and sounds, but I'm desperately seeking for them... hungry to tightly hold onto the happy memories that significantly shaped the person that I am.

It's because of camp that helped me realize the importance of holding onto your inner child. I realize life is too short to take seriously all the time and I take no shame in being reluctant to let go of that inner child. My friends here in Toronto laughed and asked if I was a child while I bought a few packages of Hubba Bubba chewing gum. We spent the following few hours roaring in laughter and snapping pictures as we blew bubbles as big as basketballs, watching and hoping that they'll burst all over the others' faces. I constantly tell them that "you're never too old to be a child again". As we grow older, we tend to mature and forget how easy it was to fall into the world of play. I remember the satisfaction I got as I child while I played with my barbie dolls and plush puppies. As we grow up and change, our interests and ideas of "fun" evolve and change. I'm not saying we should all haul out our old trunk of barbie dolls and other such toys, but I'm saying we should learn to embrace our inner child in different ways - in new and adaptive ways.

Do yourself a favour and go buy an outrageous flavour of Hubba Bubba bubble gum and chew away. They've changed the gum since we've been kids, you know?