Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Long Distance Relationships

Whether you are thinking of coming to Mount Allison specifically, you may have to deal with saying goodbye to the one you love and making the difficult transition to a long distance relationship.

There are many different opinions about LDR's; you'll find 50% of people who are for them, and the other 50% who don't feel as though they work out. You can't really base your own relationship on other peoples' previous ones, or even your past relationships. It's important not to draw associations between the person you're currently seeing, and past failed relationships.

LDR's are more likely to last nowadays with the multiple opportunities available to strengthen the relationship even though you're separated by distance. I'll give you a little advice on how to help you and your loved one pull through what can be a really tough time. I'm currently in a long distance relationship, so I'll give you an inside perspective on something that may very well be imminent for you. The first thing you have to do is sit down with your partner and establish if you want to continue on into a LDR. You have to decide on whether it's worth it. Maybe reading what I've written will help you draw that conclusion.

I'll tell you the first thing that is vital and that is positivity. If you go into the LDR with doubts, then that's all you're going to be concentrating on and it will cause strain on your relationship. There's really no reason for it not to work out, so if you think positively, your thoughts will be rewarded. The second thing that's important is 100% of effort from both you and your boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not fair for one person to be putting in all the effort while the other is not. It's something that's hard on both of you, so you need each other to pull through it.

The third necessity is trust. Due to the distance and being separated, your behaviors can't be monitored, therefore a higher degree of trust is required. So, before you part, make sure you sit down and have a talk about the trust in your relationship.

The fourth condition is communication. Technology has made it possible for couples to keep in touch, through phone calls, texting, online chatting, web cameras, e-mail, etc, so this is something you should take advantage of.

So, now that we've gone over what's important, I'm going to give you specific ideas to help you through it.

1. Date Nights - even though you and your partner may live hours away you can still go on dates. My boyfriend and I have webcam dates, where the prep is as normal as a regular date. We'll state a specific day and time, and then we'll "meet". We do different things such as play online games, or watch videos together. Even though we are apart, we're still sharing a moment together.

2. Express Your Feelings - letting your partner know how you feel and how you feel about them is vital in order for your relationship to grow and stabilize, as well as strengthen. This also provides reassurance for your partner, showing that you're committed to them and to making the relationship work.

3. Care Packages - a surprise package is always something special to let your partner know you've been thinking of them. It doesn't have to be something you do often, just occasionally. Some ideas you can include are:
- Books
- Music
- Phone card
- Stuffed animal
- Hershey's Hugs & Kisses
- Flowers
- Poem or letter
- Picture of you

The list is endless, and there are websites that give you many ideas. One website I often refer to is www.lovingyou.com. The more personal you make the gift, the bigger affect it will have when it's received.

4. Never Assume - always be clear about your feelings for one another and never make assumptions. Making assumptions can add stress and potentially ruin your relationship. Always share your feelings and encourage your partner to do the same. This will allow you both to strengthen your communication skills and allow you to grow closer together.

As much as there are negative aspects and challenges to LDR's, it can really be a positive situation as well. You will appreciate your time that you do share together more, and you'll inevitably grow stronger. Just think, if you can conquer this difficult time together, you'll be able to do anything!

1 comment:

Justin said...

Hey just happened to stumble upon your blog, good stuff!

If you're into sending care packages to friends or family, checkout Box-O-Box

I've sent them to friends/family who have loved 'em.