Friday, February 13, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You

If you ask any of my friends what something is that I speak passionately about they will jokingly answer, "He's Just Not That Into You"; however, it's not quite a joke. You've probably seen the trailers for the movie that has just been released but I wouldn't recommend seeing it. It was nothing compared to the book. Oh, that book.

I will preach to every girl - single or taken - to go out and buy this book. It completely changed my perspective on guys and relationships and myself. It really opened up my eyes and made me analyze my past relationships. That book transformed me into an independent woman in three days. I actually bought four copies of it to loan out to my girlfriends who then loan it out to their girlfriends. The majority of straight females will agree that men are one of our top major annoyances (retract your claws, boys... I know it works both ways).

Have you ever stayed up all night, staring at your phone or computer.. anxiously waiting for a text, or message from your guy? Are you sick and tired of the games? I used to be one of those girls (inevitably) until I read the book. "If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, it's probably because he doesn't give a shit." Realize it, embrace it, move on! Read the book. Read the book. Read the book.

A little taste:

Dear Greg, This is dumb. I know you're not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don't care! I don't want to play games. I do whatever I want! I've called guys tons of times. You're such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can't call guys and ask them out? Nikki

Dear Nikki,

Because we don't like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they're just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don't be mad at me, Nikki. I'm not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

Or maybe you're the chosen one.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children — sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.


Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be." I know it's an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.


Now go buy the book:)


emmet the allisonian said...

Wait, how does realising that you should wait for the guy to take the initiative make you an independent woman? I dunno, it sounds suspiciously like reinforcing good ol' binary gender norms, to me. I'm sure the book is right that a lot of men live by those norms, and aren't comfortable being shifted outside of them by others...but I would argue that those are not, generally speaking, the men I want to be worth getting asked out by. In fact, they're usually the men I try to find polite ways of rejecting. *shrug* That was just my impression from the section you posted. But then, as a queer girl, I guess I'm not really the target demographic for this anyhow...even though I do date men. My book would be like, Co May Or May Not Be That Into You And May Or May Not Be Comfortable Enough With Co's Own Sexuality To Admit That And You're Probably Just Gonna Have To Initiate A Super Awkward Conversation If You Want To Know For Sure So Good Luck With That.

Now that I've expressed my doubts about your favourite book, I'd like to say that I really liked this post. For serious. Can this be like a theme? Can we each do a post extolling the virtues of one non-academic book we think everybody (or at least everybody in a specific demographic) should read? That could be so much fun. It's not really specifically related to our university lives, but I think it would be a really neat way to display a cross-section of what materials influence the way we all think...which definitely *is* part of our uni lives.

Beth Martin said...

For the most part, I understand this book wouldn't target a lot of girls. "Realizing that you should wait for the guy to take the initiative" ---
many girls will sit around sulking over a guy, obsessing over him while I'm stating that girls should remain independent by not allowing themselves to do this. Why obsess over a guy who clearly doesn't care? Move on and find someone who won't make you feel like ripping your eyes out just to stop staring at the computer screen to see if he messaged you.

A lot of girls aren't like this, and I envy them... but the book helped me to see through a new perspective, haha. So, I'm just giving a shout out to girls who may be like this to give the book a glance.

Blondmom said...

This book is not necessarily true. Or I must be the exception. I am married to the man I asked out. Some men are too shy, or afraid to ask us out because we are independent career women. So I say Nothing ventured nothing gained--ask him out--as long as you were happy before him and are happy where you are now--if he doesn't want to go out move on.
Guys have insecurities too. My husband hates games--he wants to be told what to buy me for presents not guess because he is afraid he will get it wrong.
Just don't read anything into every detail, and if he doesn't call move on. We have too busy lives to dwell on men. They do enjoy the chase but they need encouragement too.