I dream a dream

I ordered my grad ring today... it's 10K white gold, size 7, has the Flying A symbol, BFA on one side, my graduating year on other, my initials "BMBM" to be engraved on the inside... and it's four hundred bucks.  $405.67 to be exact.  

But, it's something that I'm going to wear with pride for the rest of my life.  It's really sinking in that I'm graduating.  I'm so excited but so stressed at the same time.  I've spent the last few days weighing my options for next year and filling out applications for various schools.  It would be a lot easier if I knew what I wanted to do... but I really haven't the slightest clue.  If only this decision about life was as easy as it was when we were in preschool;  We always knew exactly what we wanted to be when we grew up as we excitedly scribbled it in pictures on construction paper with crayon.  It's funny because that's essentially what I do everyday... "scribble pictures on construction paper with crayon" but it still isn't clear.  I always wanted to be an artist.  That was what I envisioned myself as when I was in preschool; However, I never knew the complexities revolved around wanting to be an artist... and the lack of stability that may or may not accompany it.

So, I'm in school striving to reach that dream that I always imagined for myself... but I'm not entirely sure where to go from here.  I've gone to school, high school, university - all along avoiding the questions I constantly bombard myself with, "Well, Beth... where do you go now? What is it that you want to do?"  I've been plummeting money towards a dream that I already accomplished when I was 6 years old, scribbling drawings on construction paper with crayon.  I am an artist.  I've always been an artist.  Am I more of an artist now than I was then?  If someone gave me a piece of paper and crayon and asked me to draw what I wanted to do with my life would I come up with the same answer?

If I knew what I wanted to be, would this graduating process be a whole lot easier?  I'm not entirely sure that it would be.  Maybe it's not knowing the makes this process and life more interesting.  

How boring life would be if we knew exactly how it was going to play out.  Life can get pretty boring when it's all routine.  It's not knowing that keeps us on the edge of our seats.  When we're watching a movie for the first time it is interesting and captivating because we don't know what's going to happen;  However, a movie becomes less intriguing when you know exactly when you're going to jump and when your emotions are going to be triggered.

Once upon a time I wanted a plan.  I would become reliant on plans that I'd establish for myself.  However, if we have plans and they don't work out the way we want it leads to nothing but disappointment.  So, maybe I should just embrace not knowing and pop some popcorn.  Our life is our own movie and we are the ones creating the script as we go.

Quick Update: NYC

I found in New York what I was hoping to find in San Francisco... a whole lot of motivation.

NYC was imploding with creativity and being in the presence of such fascinating contemporary artwork was inspiring.

We saw a lot of prodigious museums including The Metropolitan, MOMA, The New Museum, Whitney, and The Guggenheim but what really sparked my interest was the Chelsea Galleries.  Chelsea, where we were staying in NY consisted of several streets full of warehouses made into galleries, showcasing contemporary artwork.  It was all new so it captured me in a way that a Degas painting couldn't.  

Elizabeth Peyton is definitely one of my favorite artists, and now: Hope Gangloff.  Peyton does amazing watercolour portraits.  Her artwork is something I keep in mind when I make my own watercolour portraits.  After being introduced to the intense pen marks that make up Gangloff's portraits, I'm motivated to capture that same energy in my own art.

The trip consisted of mostly doing what we wanted on our own time.  We had a lot of time to explore the city and do whatever we wanted.  We explored China town, Little Italy, trekked to the top of the Rockefeller Centre, journeyed through Times Square and shopped on Fifth Avenue.

While eating at The Half King in Chelsea, we noticed that Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl) was eating in the booth behind us.  I approached him with my napkin and pen while my friends hid in their seats and asked him for his autograph.  It was exciting.  I fought every urge to throw up, faint, and salivate in front of him.  I succeeded.  He signed my napkin.  I was happy.  I was on celebrity watch for the rest of the week but all else I saw was The Naked Cowboy, haha.

It was a fantastic trip but certainly exhausting.  I'm glad to be back so I can catch up on all the work I missed.  I can't believe there are only three weeks left in the semester!  THREE WEEKS.  It makes me so excited but I also want to vomit, haha.  I have so much to do before Christmas break comes.

Alright folks,

I better get ready for class!

Take care until next time!

The Illusionist

I sat in the stadium chair, my hands gripping my knees trying to stop them from quivering.  I'd been waiting for this moment since I was eight years old.  The never ending smile was plastered across my face as I watched the titles on the big screen in front of me. "World's Best Illusionist!" "20 Emmy Awards!" "A Living Legend!"

I'd been a fan of David Copperfield's for longer than I can remember.  I used to watch his tricks and illusions we'd taped off of TV over and over again, the same captivation and excitement overtaking me each time.  He was always someone I had longed to see but never thought I'd actually get to.  So, when I found out he was coming to Cape Breton I thought it was a joke.  I never ever thought that I'd actually get a chance to see the magician of our lifetime.

So, I sat in the stadium chair... awaiting his arrival.  I'm going to relate it to Johnny Depp's version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  I felt like one of the golden ticket winners, anxiously waiting to see if Willy Wonka would live up to the expectations that have been built up over the years.  There was a grand introduction, just like in the movie... which built up my expectations even more.  David Copperfield eventually appeared on a motorcycle... which came out of nowhere... which was incredibly fascinating.  The box was empty... then it wasn't.  

I sat, like the golden ticket winner, peering up at the stage thinking, "You're Willy Wonka?"

I think I was expecting the same David Copperfield that was present in the tapes I'd watch at home.  He was lacking ambience... charm; He wasn't as suave as I was hoping he'd still be.  I was expecting him to be... tall and handsome, but there was something very disproportional about him.  

Nonetheless, the show blew me away.  My only complaint was that I wish it was longer than an hour.  I think, in some ways, I was disappointed because I was expecting someone phenomenal... while for the most part, it was all the same tricks I've already seen.  I was hoping to see some favorites that he didn't perform.  I'm sure he puts on a very different show in Las Vegas.  Cape Breton is a small area and the tickets were less than a hundred bucks - so, the show was a hundred dollar show.  I'm sure in places where there's more money, he can afford to put on a more extravagant show.

He did this trick... which was pretty incredible, haha.

I was heartbroken to find out David Copperfield is old, decrepit and mullet-less.  However, if you ever get the chance to see him, I definitely recommend it.  I assure you you'll be blown away by his illusions and magic.  He's more than just a magician... he's a performer.  He builds a relationship with the audience... though, I do agree with other reviews that his show is a little "mechanic" now.  But, I guess... maybe that's inevitable since he's been doing it repeatedly for so long.

What I was expecting:

What I got:

Paranormal Activity Review

I’m a particularly strict critic when it comes to horror films and I’m not especially attracted to films under such genre; However, something about Paranormal Activity’s theatrical trailer and growth in hype captivated me.  Paranormal Activity, a film written and directed by Oren Peli was originally released in 2007, however, didn’t make it to big screens until two years later in 2009.  There was much alteration made to the film, including recuts, editing and alternate endings, in attempt to make it on the big screen.  I’ve seen the original film that was released in 2007 which has a very different ending from what I’ve researched in the version that’s in theaters today.

The seemingly legit documentary centers around a young couple, Micah and Katie who have been together for three years.  Micah purchases a camera in hopes of recording the paranormal phenomena that Katie claims has been haunting her for years. Micah is more fascinated with the technology of the camera than with what’s actually going on with his girlfriend, which shows he is skeptical of her complaints. The “shaky-cam” technique reflects a feeling of intimacy, allowing the viewer to take advantage of the permission authorized to intrude on the couple’s life.  This technique inevitably allows the viewer to relax, familiarly relating the film to their own personal connections with home videos.  Throughout the film, the paranormal activity and strange occurrences seem to heighten as the hand-held camera documents what is going on.

The film successfully builds up anticipation and suspense.  There is an interesting push and pull that I was experiencing while watching the film;  I felt relaxed with the home-video feel and fell in love with the characters, but I was on edge being consciously aware that spine-chilling events would eventually corrupt this feeling of comfortability.  

This film delivers terror triumphantly.  Micah and Katie are an average couple whom most can relate to which makes it easy to emphasize, getting caught up within their situation.  The actors who depict the couple are extremely believable and do anything but come off as a cheap imitation like the characters in the 1999 mockumentary film, The Blair Witch Project.  I was fearful that Paranormal Activity was just to be a knockoff of TBWP.  However, I was anything but disappointed.

The audience is casted as the camera holder, allowing the viewer to easily and unavoidably experience the paranormal activity up close and personal. Paranormal Activity is honest and not exaggerated in a sense that it portrays what I always secretly wanted to encounter:  the evidence of a ghostly presence.  Most horror films consist of inflated, fabricated nightmares with monsters, and unrealistic but horrifying events.  The typical horror film leaves nothing to the imagination while it’s the suspense and the terror of “not knowing” that is evident in Paranormal Activity.  It leaves a lot for the viewer to interpret and imagine, which can be as terrifying as we want it to be.  Even with being scared with the average horror films like, Freddy Krueger and Friday the 13th, there’s still the realization that these horror films we watch are at a safe distance from reality.  However, Paranormal Activity is the opposite in the sense that we’re put into the shoes of the camera holder and entrapped within the film itself.  The film ends with the caption, “Dedicated to Micah and Katie” reflecting the feel of an actual documentary which allows the viewer to believe this “mockumentary” is actual recorded evidence of paranormal activity.  The typical horror movie will release its grasp on the viewer, letting them escape and head back into the comfort of reality, while Paranormal Activity doesn’t necessarily give the viewer this safe closure.

I can confidently say that Paranormal Activity is the best horror/thriller film I have seen because it escapes the cliche one would associate with this particular genre and brings to the table a whole new meaning of being scared.  I guarantee you’ll have difficulty sleeping after watching this thriller of a film.

once upon a time

I'm laying on the floor with my sister.  We're on our bellies, pencil crayons in our hands... colouring the pages of my Beauty and the Beast colouring book.  She's watching Matlock.  I hate this show, but I don't care because I'm spending time with my sister. I'm watching her colour the page, envious of her ability to stay inside the lines.  I try to copy her artistic approach.  

It's a Monday night.  My parents are at a meeting; so, my sister is watching me.  After we colour, she does my hair, paints my nails and puts makeup on me.  It's not actually makeup.  She has one of my storybooks on her lap and she uses her makeup brushes to "dip" into the colours displayed on the cover and then pretends to splash the paint onto my face.  I love the way the soft bristles dance against my face and I laugh as she tickles me with the brush.

My parents come home.  I'm anxious at this point because they promised to bring me home a surprise.  They always brought me home a surprise.  It's a surprise, but at the same time I know exactly what it is.  They burst through the door and I run up and hug them.  They hand me a brown paper bag.  I open it up and smile.  Cream Soda and Sour Cream and Onion chips.  The usual.  I love it.  It was such a treat.

***

I had an unbelievably rough day.  Murphy's law was definitely slapping me in the face today with the "everything that can go wrong, will" theory.  After class, I stopped by the store on the way home and bought Cream Soda and SC&O chips.  I don't think I've tasted either since before I was ten years old.  Nostalgia is bouncing against my lips.  All my favourite memories are coming back to me now, swamping out the bad day I just had.  

I think we all get overwhelmed every once in awhile, and sometimes not even venting to people will help.  No matter what, they never say exactly what you want them to say.  I think that we can only strive for relief within our selves. We can achieve this by resorting back to a moment in our lives when we were happiest... and reliving those memories, grasping onto those once-felt feelings.  If you grasp hard enough, you can pull them out into your current situation.  And eventually, those feelings you've grasped from your memories will dilute the stress that's trying so hard to weigh you down.

'Cause everyone's your friend in NYC

I signed up for my critique today.  It's at 2:40pm in the crit room in the Fine Arts building on November 2nd.  So, if you want to show up - feel free!

You may be asking what exactly a crit is.  Well, it's a term very familiar to the Fine Arts world.  It's a pretty big deal come fourth year.  In our first three years, we often "critique" eachothers' works to get us comfortable with offering feedback and talking about our own work.

So, each fourth year student signs up for a time slot.  Fine Arts classes are canceled because the faculty attends these critiques.  In the crit room, I will be exhibiting work that I've been working on independently so far.  People, students and staff, will be invited to look around at the artwork and then be seated.  I'll talk about my purpose and methods.  Questions will be asked.  That sort of thing.  If you find yourself bored at 2:40pm on November 2nd, please show up and take a gander at what I've been working on this year!  It's only an "in progress" crit so none of my work is actually complete.  But you'll get a good feel of where I'm going with it all.  I'd love some extra eyes to view and feel free to offer me your feedback.  I'd certainly appreciate how you feel about it!

It's going to be a busy week with preparing for the 2nd.  Here are the events I have to look forward to/stress over:

October 29th

Leave Sackville

Bus to Halifax

Flight to Newfoundland

October 29th-31st

Halloween festivities spent in St. John's

November 1st

Fly back to Halifax

Bus to Sackville

November 2nd

Critique

November 3rd

Bus to Cape Breton

November 4th

David Copperfield

November 7th

4TH YEAR FINE ARTS NEW YORK CITY TRIP !!!!! 

This trip is "mandatory" to graduate, however, we have to pay for it ourselves.  I'm not complaining about it.  I'm actually really excited;  It'd be much more expensive under any other circumstances like if I decided to go on my own.  I'm... just... broke.  I'm not quite excited about my lack of money.

Ahhhhh.... you can see I have a lot on my plate for the next few weeks.  I have to have everything ready for my critique before I go away to Newfoundland and I'm going to be pretty much nonstop until I get back from NYC.  

I'm so much closer to graduating and I absolutely cannot wait!  I've been thinking a lot about possible options for next year.  I'm almost certain I'm going to be moving to Halifax in May.  I'm more likely to find a summer job there than at home in the Cape.  I'm going to apply to NSCAD.  There are some graduate programs there that I was looking into.  I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my degree and how exactly deep I want to dig into the fine arts world... but I'm going to use next year to find out.  Eventually, I think I want to get my bED to fall back on.  That way, I'll be able to teach if I wanted to.  But I'm definitely going to strive for something much bigger...

Inside my studio

As you may or may not know, I've been writing in diaries and journals since I was eight years old.  It is something I've always loved doing and I've always been passionate about writing.  It's very personal to me; So, I wanted to bring this into my artwork.  I'm making several bodies of work all around the same theme: my diaries.

I've written in my diaries about many different people - some who have impacted my life in a tremendous way.  These people have shaped me into the person I am today; I wouldn't be who I am without the memories I've made with these people and the influence that they've had on me.  

So, I'm doing big watercolour portraits of these people and the title of the work will be a date of a diary entry in which I wrote about them, as well as a line from the specific diary.  The title will become just as significant and meaningful as the artwork itself.  My initial idea was to have my numerous diaries and journals displayed to invite people to flip to the date that's the title of a portrait and read the full entry.  I'm still playing around with ideas and what exactly I want to do.  I've been making color photocopies of my diary entries... I figured I could do something with them.  Perhaps I can make a sculptural book out of them.

Also, I have a bunch of 1ft x 1ft canvases; So, I've been scanning and printing out diary entries onto iron-on transfer paper and ironing them onto material.  I plan on stitching them to the canvases and painting/collage-ing  around them.  That's basically my idea for my fourth year project for this semester.  It's very personal but, to me, that's what artwork is about.

Below are pictures I took of my studio!  Sneak a peek at what I've been working on and where I work at.